HEAVY METAL WILL NEVER DIE!

HEAVY METAL WILL NEVER DIE!

Back in the March, 1987 issue of METAL, we printed a rather fateful letter. It seems these two guys over in Riverdale, CA—writing under the obvious pseudonyms of “David and Dick Waaktaar’’— absolutely hate heavy metal. As you’ll see from their letter (it kicks off this section), they think that metal is bad! Can you imagine?

Naturally, our 23,000,000 readers were outraged by these ninnies, and they let us know as much. Responses came a-pourin’ in—in fact, this single letter probably caused more controversy than any other letter we’ve ever received. Naturally, the whole thing turned into a forum on metal itself, with some side comments on how painful these Waaktaars’s deaths should be.

So sit back and enjoy your own magnificent literacy as you zestily defend metal from all who would speak out against it.

THE GAUNTLET

We're going to give our opinion on heavy metal bands. They all suck. They get onstage and make jerks of themselves. They’re all gay. They make us sick. We hate them all. Metal is the reason the PMRC is on our backs. Some of them spit blood, whip women, wear upside-down crosses, sing about the devil; it’s all just stupid. None of them can sing. George Michael of Wham can make dwarf Ronnie Dio sound like a bird. Eddie V.H. isn’t as good as his fans think. He should take lessons from Prince. Prince leaves him behind. All metal bands have an IQ of zero. So do their fans. If you like heavy metal; you’re worthless, a sleaze, a slimeball, gross, a scum, and not fit to eat at the dinner table with a bunch of smelly cows. Metal bands: start singing about something real. Metal fans: start listening to Prince, Wham, A-ha, Thompson Twins, Culture Club, etc....then maybe, just maybe, you creeps won’t cause trouble everywhere you go.

David Waaktaar

Dick Waaktaar

Riverdale, CA

EARRING COUNT UNDERWAY

This letter is in response to the one in the March '87 issue from the Waaktaars.

For one thing, the kind of music you listen to is completely different from what us metal fans listen to. It’s tasteful. Wait, let’s not get childish like you did. George Michael couldn’t sing what Dio does. His voice can’t handle it. “Wake Me Up Before You Go Go” literally doesn’t say anything but the same lines over and over and over. It tells what really goes on. You should. You might find out something about yourself. Oh, don’t get me wrong.

I respect the musicians you listen to. They are good at what they do. (Making an aof themselves.)

Let me go through those “artists” you called good. 1) George Michael doesn’t wear just one earring like most metal artists, but wears two. Count them, two. My mother wears two earrings. 2) Prince. Now this is a good one. This young man gets off on white ladies licking his belly, not to mention other things, while still on stage. He rubs his guitar on his dick and is constantly taking for granted that his fans want to see his tongue. 3) Oh, now we’re to my personal favorite. Good oP Boy George. This man is so great and meaningful that he has AIDS and is responsible for two young mens’ deaths brought on by none other than his personal favorite drug, heroin.

Dio doesn’t invite kids over and push dope down their throats. The comment claiming metal musicians as being gay was really funny after hearing you compare them to Boy George. You think we’re scum and gross. I take that as a compliment coming from a guy called Dick. Oh, and for your information this metal fan doesn’t have an IQ of zero. I’m a straight A and B student, and along with getting a 1200 on the SAT, I listen to Metallica, Megadeth, Iron Maiden, Ozzy and the greatest—Diol! By the way, you must have some interest in metal, or you wouldn’t have taken the time to write to the all-time great metal magazine— METAL. Could it be that you just crave our attention?

Metal Maiden and Master of Puppets

Greenville, SC

COLLEGE GAL SIDES WITH TRUE MUSIC

Gee Dave, I hope you are heterosexual! Gay.. .Gay.. .Gay...??!!? Sounds kinda funny coming from a guy named Dick. It seems quite odd to say heavy metal is gay, especially when you think a transvestite in pink lipstick and lace is hip. I do admit, there are some bands who don’t deserve airplay, but a black Chicano in high heels and tight purple pants doesn’t even deserve anyone’s attention. PMRC looks at Prince, too, sweetie. Prince has noodles for hips— it’s nauseating. And a heroin addict isn’t quite a good role model, is he? Let me tell you something, fruitcake, I love heavy metal! Bon Jovi, Ratt and Quiet Riot are a few of my favorites. I don’t believe they are gay.

I am a 19-year-old female in her second year of college (at a major university, I might add) with a good 3.0 averagemajoring in English. I don’t believe that is worthless, gross. I am a 5’ 8” blonde with a very good fashion sense, I don’t consider that a slimeball or a sleaze. Us metal fans get sick at the sight of Boy George—why should we? At least we know we are individuals. Trouble follows those who look for it, sweetie. Finally if you hate metal so much, what are you doing reading and writing to “such a rag”?

Traci Pedersen

Lubbock, TX

METAL FANS CREEPS?

NOT SO!

OK, little boys, where shall I start? I found your letter quite humorous. Eddie Van Halen should take guitar lessons from Prince?! Surely you jest. Prince isn’t a bad guitar player, but c’mon! Get real! That’s like comparing Dorn Perignon to Boone’s Farm! And you little morons have the nerve to call metal bands “gay” in the same breath you praise George Michael over Ronnie Dio?! How do you think Wham got their name anyway, s— for brains?! Georgie-poo and that other bowwow Wham each other nightly. “Oh Andrew, I just love the way you ‘wham’ me!

I know! Let’s call our band Wham!” And so it goes. Millions of brain dead teeny boppers go ape—over something my nephew throws up his dinner on when he hears it. He’s gonna grow up OK. I have no fears for him.

Did you forget that the PMRC had some not so kind words about Prince? I don’t know of any one who gets off on themselves in a hotel lobby, however the song goes. You call that reality?! I call it severe mental illness. Metal bands write about the real world, not just the negative side of it. I don’t know if your favorite bands write about it, because I’ve never even touched one of their vile discs. Oops! I used to work in a record store a few years ago, so I guess I did. ’Scuse me while I disinfect my hands.

I despise your insinuation that metal fans are “creeps.” There’s some a~ holes, but most of ’em listen to Wham, so metal s really in no danger of an ahole attack. I’ll bet the two of you attack each other’s a--holes. Do you guys have orgies with George and Andrew? Oooh! Your mother should slap your faces. I take it you are brothers. No, better yet, let’s all get Kenny King of Slayer to give you two a back-handed slap with his forearm while wearing his armband with the 5-inch nails in it. May you get caught in the middle of a mosh.

While I’m still here, I’d like to say a few words to “Pissed Off Bon Jovi Fan” in West Bloomfield, Ml. You deserve a beating, dear. Bon Joke never was, isn’t, and never will be metal. Bon Joke’s fans only want to f— him. The bands you put down have had cult followings for years. No, not satanic ones. The fans are loyal, not “jump on the bandwagon” sissies. We’ll see who makes it in the long run. And it’s not Bon Joke. Anthrax, Slayer, Metallica, Overkill and Nuclear Assault will prevail. I’m ashamed to be from the same state as the poseurs you worship.

Well, I’ve written enough. Bye!

Spacy

Bergenfield, NJ

METALLICA, OTHERS, QUITE HIP

This is in response to the Waaktaar Wimps from Riverdale, CA. In the first place, all heavy metal bands do not have an IQ of zero nor do their fans. Metallica, for one, write about things that affect all of us, such as: nuclear power, manipulation and addiction, to name but a few, not just about meaningless subjects such as; dancing, laughing and being with your baby.

Secondly, you are the one who is completely brainless to stereotype all people that listen to metal into one category. You must be stuck somewhere in the dark ages.

Thirdly, the PMRC just needed a project to keep themselves occupied as they have nothing better to do than to try and restrict people’s freedom of expression.

Lastly, I don’t know where you get off telling us, or even suggesting, that we all listen to your lame music. After all, at least metalheads aren’t getting arrested for such asinine things as heroin—namely Boy George. And as for this letter, “honesty is my only excuse.”

From the Greek Goddess Athena

Ottawa, Ontario, Canada

MANLY DIO

NEEDS NO BODYGUARD

This letter is in reply to Dick (truly) and David Waaktaar in METAL of March 1987. First of all, I think it’s the pansies you like that have the IQ of zero. Prince is so stupid that when he wins an award, he has girls talk for him. You called Ronnie Dio a dwarf: at least he doesn’t have to have bodyguards like Prince does.

Metallica (have you ever heard of them) can blow your wimp bands away. You have to play three times better than Whimp, I mean Wham, to play that fast The groups you like are the kind of people that I laugh in their faces. As a matter of fact, I think I’ll kick somebody’s athat likes wimp groups, just for you. By the way, where do you get off telling people who to listen to. I’ll listen to whoever I want, so f— you.

Chris Lance

O’Fallon, MO

P.S. You should have sent a picture. I could have used a good laugh.

SOUND MAGAZINE ADVICE HERE!

I think you were either stoned out of your mind when you wrote that letter, or you don’t have a mind. For one thing, the choir in my school can whip the s— out of George Michael as far as singing goes, and if we want to go see some fat bitch sing opera, we would. For another thing, Prince needs to hide his little abehind an amp and watch Yngwie Malmsteen play some mojo guitar. And to top everything off, I knew you were without hope when you compared Dio and Eddie to Culture Club and found the former gay!

And as for their fans having an IQ of zero, EAT ME RAW!! Are you on the honor roll at your school? Are you in five advanced classes? Do you have a 4.0 average? Well, until you do, shut your a-. Who’s a sleaze, slimeball, worthless, gross and not fit to eat dinner with a bunch of “smelly cows” (How insulting, I’m going to cry!), now!?! (You, by the way are not fit to lay a clean-smelling cow, but you probably did anyway!) By the way, I also play basketball, and will willingly kick anybody’s a(especially yours, lard—) for the sake of Motley Crue, Bon Jovi, Cinderella, and Ratt. SO BURN IN HELLI

Oh, yeah! That reminds me. They sing about the devil?!? So what? Have you ever heard the words to “Shout At The Devil” by Motley Crue? They’re saying shout at the devil, not stand up and beg for some h— every time he walks by.

Last of all, I agree with whomever wrote that title. Go read some dickless mag like CREEM, and leave the pages of METAL untarnished. Most of all, keep your own aout of trouble by keeping opinions like that away from headbangers!

Sherry Clifton

Wichita Falls, TX

SATANISTS BAD,

BUT THAT’S ALL

Dick & David Waaktaar: metal music is it. Sure I like pop artists also, but metal is also something I enjoy. It helps relieve anger & frustration. Those artists are gifted & intelligent. Most of them try to help others & care for their fans. I do agree, however, that satanist bands are a bad influence.

One last thing, you destructive metal heads stop! If you really like metal, don't give people a reason to stop booking those concerts. Others like it too, you know.

Raechon Coefield

Washington, DC

DAVE, DICK: UNMANLY DUDES!

I hope you both die. First of all, have you ever seen Ratt in concert? In no way do they make fools of themselves. How dare you call metalheads gay? Why don’t you look at the s— you fags listen to and tell us how many they are. The PMRC doesn’t only pick on metal; look at Prince’s "Darling Nikki’’ or “Jack U Off.” Just because some metalheads spit blood, whip women, wear upside-down crosses and sing about Satan does not mean we all do and it certainly doesn’t mean we’re stupid. How dare you say they can’t sing, either. I suppose you never really listened to Bon Jovi, have you? George Michael sings like he’s dying from AIDS which he probably is and he doesn’t make Dio sound like a bird. I’d rather listen to birds than Wham, anyway. There’s a lot more talent with birds. Eddie Van Halen makes Prince look like a wimp, which he is anyway. Metal bands have a much higher IQ than you think. At least our lyrics mean something rather than Wham’s "Wake Me Up Before You Go Go” bubble-gum s— which means nothing. So you a-holes are wrong about us totally because metal does sing about reality. We have love songs, political songs, songs about death, hate. (How real can you get?) Not all metalheads cause trouble either. At least we don’t go around spreading AIDS everywhere like you two homos.

Steve Rocklein

Hollywood, FL

P.S. It figures one of your names is Dick!

METAL: A CONCERNED GENRE, QUITE UNLIKE WIMPS WITH SYNTHS

You don’t know what music is then. If you listen to that s~and I mean that s—, metal f—in’ rules. It is the only music that is worth listening to. You say metal has the IQ of zero, well then you must have the IQ of zero ’cause you say metal people are f—ed up, well you don’t see metal people doing drugs like you do Boy Fag & The Faggots, do you? No, you see metal trying to stop it with Rock Against Drugs. So, I guess you don’t know what music is if you listen to those fags.

J. Roberts

Santa Ana, CA

TOP GROUPS NAMED IN EXCITING LIST!

The wave has crashed. Hey you aholes! Prince and Wham are sacks of p-! I would be willing to bet you haven’t been to one heavy metal concert. Namely AC/DC. And another thing, aholes, not all heavy metal bands suck! I will name just a few killer heavy metal groups: Anthrax, AC/DC, Kiss, Bon Jovi, Cinderella, S.O.D., Dokken, Vinnie Vincent, Iron Maiden, Black Flag, Metallica. George Michael is a c— sucking whale p—. He’s not even good enough to be called a poseur! Continue saying all heavy metal bands suck, and I promise you, you’ll be hotfooting your way down the highway to hell!

Heavy Metal Angel

Edmond, WA

CORRECT USE OF “BEST”

If you like those groups why are you reading the best metal magazine instead of Bop and Teenbeatoff?

1) You must be gay ’cause I know no gay metal heads, and don’t want to.

2) Prince, Wham, A-ha, Thompson Twins, Culture Club are "one hit wonders” who are never heard of again six months after their hit. Look at Zeppelin, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Boston, AC/DC, ASmith, Sabbath, Metallica, Iron Maiden, Megadeth, Bad Co. I could go on forever. Those bands were around before, now and will continue to go on for years to come. Include Ratt, Spotley Crue and Bon Jovi as "one hit wonders.”

3) You’re a-holes who were looking for cute guys in this magazine.

4) The difference between us metal heads and you fags is that we take our music seriously and will continue too.

Tom & Tony Ross

Sharon, MA

METAL FANS ARE FIT TO EAT AT DINNER TABLES WITH SMELLY COWS!

To David & Dick: We’re going to give you two tired birds our opinion of your stupid preppy music. First of all, you can suck my Canadian red bum. If you like George Michael or Prince, you must be an a-hole because one (George Michael) sings like he has a metal pipe up his big, red fat a-! Also, metal fans are not, as you quoted, “worthless, a sleaze, aslimeball, gross, a scum, and not fit to eat at the dinner table with a bunch of smelly cows.” Preps are people who sit around and sing about stupid apple trees, rainbows and how to play pingpong.

Metal and their fans are perfect human beings, and if you don’t like their music you can go study stupid Shakespeare for all I damn care. At least with heavy metal music you can understand what they sing, not so with preppy or punk music. They sing like they are constipated and it won’t come out.

Charlene Croft & Michelle Cormier

Darmouth, Nova Scotia

EXTREMELY SMART PERSON JOINS DEBATE

To Dick & David Waaktaar: Hello, I’m going to give my opinion of you. You are a couple of scumsuckers who are so stupid as not to appreciate the art of heavy metal music. I am an extremely smart person with an IQ of 150.1 have a grade point average of 98.3 at school and have made donations to “Save The Whales” foundation, yet I am an avid metal fan, especially of Ratt and Motley Crue.

I do not think of myself as a worthless sleaze, a slimeball (which you spelled incorrectly in your letter). I am definitely not gross, I consider myself rather attractive. (I am extremely upset with you boys!) When you say we metal fans aren’t fit to eat at the table with cows, well, you are fit to eat with cows, because you probably do anyway. You say all metal groups are gay. Well, look who’s talking, you two guys have the same last name; are you married or living together?

In conclusion, I do not appreciate your mediocre insults towards metal groups. Sure, a few are junkies but what about the truly great groups like Ratt (which includes one of the best looking guitarists I’ve ever seen, Warren DeMartini) and other great ones like Bon Jovi and Motley Crue.

Thanks for listening, babe.

Rochelle

Gastonia, NC

TOUCHING PLEA

This letter is for Dave and Dick Waaktaar. I don’t like what you said about metal groups and their fans in the March ’87 issue. I did listen to fairy groups like Prince, A-ha, and Wham just like you a-holes do. But to say that George Michael, the queerest person to live, could make Ronnie James Dio sound like a bird and that Eddie Van Halen should take lessons from Prince, that is a big laugh. You guys are the biggest a-holes to walk this Earth. Dave and Dick, you shouldn’t call metal fans and metal groups worthless, slimeballs, gross, and sleazes because you really shouldn’t talk. All your little gay “pop-rock” bands suck s-~. Every metal group (to name a few: Metallica, W.A.S.P., Europe, Bon Jovi, Motley Crue, Dokken, etc.) rule the world. If you guys would listen to some heavy metal and give it a chance, maybe you would stop this bull—. But if you won’t listen to the music then you two jerks can live in your stupid fairyland for the rest of your goddamn lives. And for your information, W.A.S.P. doesn’t whip women on stage anymore. Please Dave and Dick, do us all a favor and die. If you don’t like the good kind of music, then don’t listen to it and don’t put it down.

Angel

Rochester, NY

JOVI, KISS, CRUE: BRAIN TRUST

Some letters in the March 1987 issue of METAL were offensive and I plan to get my saying in.

First of all for that Dick who wrote that the Crue were fags: Who made you God? Who ever did, must of been on drugs, drunk, or never had brains!!! You have no right to tell us who rules and who doesn’t!! If Motley Crue is no good, then how come Vince Neil was voted #1 male singer for the third year in a row? If Metallica is so great then why, and I quote, did you say “In a year or two, Metallica may be numero uno in the world... ”? If you’re so sure that those guys are better, then why did you say maybe? That’s the difference between Crue and Metallica fans. The Crue fans are loyal. We stay by the Crue’s side through thick and thin while you guys panic when you get between a rock and hard space with your band. You’re an a--hole, too. You had no right to call those girls bitches or sluts just because they have good taste and you don’t! SO SHUT UP!! When we want to hear from a-holes like you, we’ll fart. People can like the Crue and some will, even if you and jerks like you don’t like it. If you can’t accept it, that’s too bad!! So go take a flying f-~, f— face and leave the Crue alone! Also for you nerds who wrote that Prince and all those other fags are better: give me a break. Open your eyes.

First of all, the bands you talk about aren’t sweet, innocent angels. It’s a fact that Boy George is addicted to heroin and that Prince was fined $500 for indecency on stage. My parents agree more on Bon Jovi than when I was, and I’m ashamed to admit it, in love with Prince.

Second of all, we’re not mindless fans and neither are the metal bands! This may come as a shock to you, but you have to have brains to write songs as good as Bon Jovi, Kiss and Motley Crue. We also have brains. If we didn’t, we all would be listening to the mindless music you guys listen to. Then what would the world do? We also don’t cause trouble wherever we go. Some of us, maybe, but not all of us are trouble makers. So don’t judge all of us just because some of us made a couple of mistakes. You’re no better than us so get off your high horse. Sincerely A Pissed Off Fan Scottsdale, AZ