MAIL

MAIL

DEPARTMENTS

Please send letters to:

MAIL Dept., CREEM Magazine

P.O. Box P-1064

Birmingham, Ml 48012

WE DEMAND AN AUTOPSY

This is to inform you that since John Winston Ono Lennon has not produced a record, played in concert, appeared on television, or for that matter, been seen in four (4) years, we have now, for all rights and purposes, declared him legally dead.

This was not a matter lightly taken. Rather this decision was arrived upon after long and agonizing soul search^ irig by this and many other concerned parties. We do not despise John Lennon or his memory. We merely feel a great sadness at the passing of a once alive man.

We are not insane. This is true. You have only to listen to the hours and hours of nonexistent music currently not being played by all major radio stations. Even as we speak, these unknown lyrics are on the lips of every unborn child.

We would like at this time to declare that Oct. 9, 1978, and every year thereon to be a day of mourning of this great, great man. Mourners are asked to frequent their local bars in a moment of silent drunken stupor, trying hard to remember which one he was (the cute one? the quiet one? the ugly one?....).

We would like to conclude this letter with a sing-along. Ready? A-one, atwo, a-one, two, three, faw....?????????

Unfortunately, we are unable to remember the words....or the melody... of any songs written by......by. uhhhhhh.

We have no regrets,

Teresa R. Tameling

Kathleen G. Poetzsch

R.I.P.

P.S. We have nothing more to say.

LOOKING BACK

I am so damn excited over that Detroit article, I don't know what to write!

I left "De"troit two years ago, and when I saw those pictures of my heroes (Kramer, Tyner, McCarty) I almost broke down.

Thanks for the article, I felt like I was reading my high school yearbook.

Regards,

Ken Thomas

Madison, WI

P.S. What ever happened to the Michigan Palace?

(Sadly enough, the quite thoroughly run-down Michigan Palace has fallen on hard times and willmost likely kiss the wrecking ball. But fear not, we plan to hold at least one memorial "grosser" a year on the vacant lot. Anybody got a shovel?—Ed.)

CHER THE WEALTH

Glad to see the omni-putrid Cher is doing something to compensate for breaking up the Allmans...Breaking up (the even more omni-putrid) Kiss!!!! I wish she'd turn queer and break up the Runaways...

E. Cult Occult

Houston, TX

P.S. Why doesn't she just break up and dissolve herself?

(Why not?—Ed.)

DO YOU REMEMBER SLADE?

Answer this one (if you can): In these days of rampant punkedelia, where is NILS LOFGREN when we need him? Coulda been the KING... money, money, money...

Aspue "Ringworm" Blitch

Chief Winghead

Skintightener, PA

P.S. Really poor Yes review, Fernbacher. Tip: When you decide to shit on an album, at least try to appear objective about it. I mean what gave you away was saying that Yes "don't have the chops." Really now.

P.S.S. We want Devo!!! (Next big thing!)

BEE GEE TEE HEES

I just started to read CREEM and I especially like the articles by Simon Frith. Could you please put a picture of Simon in one of your future issues?

I must say I hate the vulgar language you use in your magazine and it is a bad influence on a lot of young people who buy this magazine. It's too bad that you have to use such language and some indecent pictures to sell your magazine.

Finally, I'd like to know what the editors have against Maurice Gibb. You people constantly put him down just because he's losing his hair! There are never any pictures of the editors in this magazine. I'd like to see just how beautiful all of YOU are. In the June issue there was a picture of the Bee Gees standing together. The caption read: the beautiful, the backward and the bald. I like Robin & Maurice and I'm tired of all the insults.

Sincerely Yours,

April Koval

Torrington, CT

UP IN SMOKE

What brand of cigarettes does Joan (Darling) Jett smoke? I must know!

Los Angeles, CA

(Loaded.—Ed.)

NOW HEAR THIS

Hey, I'm sick and tired of the coast cities blaming, the Midwest cities for coastal mistakes like disco (everyope knows New York is one big scene from Saturday Night Fever and the over-30 crowd) and then taking all the credit for stuff that they had absolutely nothing to do with (like rock 'n' roll).

That's why I was glad to finally read about the origins of the coined term "rock and roll" etc., by someone who actually knows about the subject— Nick Tosches.

The whole movie American Hot Wax is obviously a complete waste of time to go to see—it s completely inaccurate, and once again New York is credited for the birth of rock 'n' roll, when in reality, Alan Freed didn't even get to N.Y. until after he coined the term "rock 'n' roll," and started the ball rolling in Cleveland. Big deal.

Signed, ,

Robert Smith

President of the Cleveland Fan Club Detroit, MI

WrtERE IS PARAQUAT WHEN WE REALLY NEED IT?

Am I the only person in this big, wide, wonderful world who has recognized the influence of T. Rex on Willie Alexander and the Boom Boom Band?

Alleged College Student

Russell, KS

P.S. What ever happened to Lord Sutch?

(Yes. Back into the woodwork, from whence he came with his top hat.— Ed.)

A NEW SLANT ON LIFE

I am a Japanese girl.

I sometimes read CREEM.

I get them from my friend who has an aunt in America.

CREEM were too difficult for me, but I enjoyed reading.

By the way.

I want to have American friends.

I'm 14 and love Kiss.

I hope that my name will be introduced on CREEM.

Yuu Haga

Siroisi-ku Sapporo

Hokkaido, JAPAN

I hope CREEM will be loved better! (We hope you're no relation to Miwa Joh.—Ed.)

FEVER BLISTERS

I just got your June issue and I don't think you know half as much shit as you think you know. For one thing who cares about Jethro Tull. Jethro Tull can't rock 'n' roll. And who gives a shit about the Bee Gees come on. People that put the buck up don't want to hear about this. We want to hear about rock 'n' roll. Ted Nugent, Starz, R.E.O. and yah even old Zeppelin. And most of all the new reigning kings of heavy metal Van Halen. Oh, that reminds me Joe Fernbacher eats shit if he thinks Van Halen suck. He can't write worth anything anyway. Lastly I want to say I dig your magazine even though it's not all rock 'n' roll. I'll keep on buyin' it because I'm "Hooked on Music" as Pat Travers says. Well thanks for listening and please no more Bee Gees shit for a while. Haw.

TURN TO PAGE 79

CONTINUED FROM PAGE 12

Love and Kisses

The Weasel

Huntington Beach, CA

P.S. Give Patti Smith a kiss for me!!!

BABY TAKE A BOW

We thought your "Best Of..." was fine. My cobra, Molly, especially liked the picture (album cover) that Dear, Dear Patti was clutching in her sweaty little hand. We thought that nobody outside of General Motors territory owned a copy.

Speaking of Jim, have you got his Berlin address? I told him that the next time I hit the Fatherland, us and the Thurston brothers would put away a little electric grape juice.

(Now that Wayne Kramer's out of the pen, how are we supposed to sign our letters?)

ah well...

Mahatma Kane Jeeves

Flint (but I'm close)

(Try him c/o the Last Neighborhood, Berlin.—Ed.)

AIMIN' TO PLEASE

First the Sex Pistols, then the Clash, then Elvis, and now Patti and Lou. Where are all these good albums coming from? What the hell is going on? What happened to mediocrity? You guys pay off somebody? Why doesn't someone kick the Stones in their respective bejewelled asses? Or are we too late? Oh well, since they can't rock me...

Yours, Hominigritts

Austin, TX

P.S. You oughta print this 'cause it's so short. (Makes nice filler too.) Or do you only print letters that are typed? P.P.S. Now that mediocrity is out of style what am I gonna do with my Nugent, Aerosmith, Journey and Zeppelin albums?

FOR THE LAST TIME...

You jerks must think all us simple fools who fork over "one dollah" every month for your crapper of a mag are a bunch of mental retards who will believe anything. Anybody with a 1/16 of a brain knows that that's Ian Anderson in that Babys picture.

Your faithful reader forever,

Sheila

New Haven, CT

(Is it possible?—Ed.)

OGNIR RRATS, WHERE ARE YOU?

Hey, the Ramones are great. But fact it—they aren't the next Beatles. After all, how many times in a century does a genius like Ringo Starr come along?

Allen Especht

Somewhere in Texas

(Was he the cute one?—Ed.)

K-9 KONTROL

Wow, I thought my little sister was listening to Ted Nugent, but it was just the neighbors' dogs stuck together!

AHAAHWOWW

Greg Isbell

Carson, CA