IN THE BELLY OF A ROBOT

First: The Sphere is stupid. It is one of the dumbest fucking things in the world. It is a colossal display of our mind-numbingly unquenchable thirst for mentally bankrupt entertainment experiences, a vulgar monument to everything that is wrong with consumerist culture, and a hulking example of Las Vegas’ infatuation with garish displays of the mediocre. It’s gross.

Second: The Sphere is amazing. I’ve seen both U2 and Dead & Co. there and I’m not even a fan of either band, yet both were incredible, mostly because of the venue. The Sphere is an astounding triumph of architecture and technology, and if you’re not absolutely flabbergasted by the experience, then you’re dead inside. Or you have a rash. Or something.

Third: The Sphere is shiny, new, and cutting edge, but the artists who are performing inside are decidedly not. They are old. Very old. U2? Dead & Co.? The Eagles? Even Phish formed in 1983 and the lead guy is 60 years old. It made us wonder if the Sphere isn’t some sort of rock ’n’ roll reliquary, a domed catacomb of cacophony, or an elaborate burial mound for the ancient gods of rock.