STIGMA FOR PRESIDENT

STIGMA FOR PRESIDENT

The Godfather of Hardcore emerges as the 2024 dark horse candidate, and he’s got our vote!

Paul Campagna

At CREEM, we’re always going to have an opinion on everything. Some people might call us obnoxious loudmouths, but we like to say that we’re just expressing ourselves in a passionate, forceful, and objectively correct manner. And in 2024, who can avoid having an opinion about the coming election? At first, it looked like it was gonna be Sleepy Joe versus the Man of God/Pussy Grabber versus a man with actual brainworms; now it looks like all the anti-cop types are going procop for Joe’s replacement (we won’t even start on couchfucker). Yeah yeah yeah, things look a liiiittle grim for the election this year, so we’d like to place our hefty endorsement behind a true patriot, a man of principles and beaucoup riffs—Vinnie Stigma of Agnostic Front.

Vinnie Stigma is a native New Yorker and founding member of the legendary Agnostic Front. The punk icon has lived virtually his entire life in the same apartment in Little Italy, just a few short blocks from where CBGB once stood. Since 1982, Agnostic Front have paved the way for New York Hardcore, creating some of the most influential records of the era and gathering some of the most insane stories told in the funniest possible way. These unmissable, terrifying, and no doubt hysterical yarns make up the center of his new autobiography Vinnie Stigma: The Most Interesting Man in the World, out on Sept. 10 via Permuted Press.

You may have seen Vinnie’s 2008 spots on the internet, talking about his vision for the future in his brief bid for president. Now, 16 years later and with his past laid out for all to see in his new book, he’s back at the lectern. So where exactly does the Godfather of Hardcore stand on the issues? CREEM talked to the future POTUS, getting his stance on the issues of the world today and how he’d make a change [Ray Cappo voice}.

TOURISTS ON THE STREETS OF NYC

These people, walking down the sidewalks tell New they’re York. not I got from places here to because go! And of I can the way they walk. You gotta whiz past them and curse ’em. Whaddya gonna do, kill 'em? It’s just like, “Jesus Christ, fuckin’ walk!”

COMBAT SPORTS

I’ve always had the fantasy of working in wrestling. And I’ve done it a few times. Johnny Valiant broke a two-by-four over my head! It was an old twoby-four that got really weathered, so it was like a prop, but it cracked real loud and looked real good. I was ready to go! I jumped off the top rope. People were asking me how I did that and I said, “Stage dives!” The last one I did, it was this British guy and he was like, “You Americans can’t speak English,” and so I came outfrom behind the curtain and was like, "Don’t you talk to my people like that!” and I crushed my lit cigar on his head. It’s rough in the ring. I miss the old-school wrestlers, I loved Bruno Sammartino. He was the marshal of San Gennaro.

NEWS PUNDITRY

Don’t use your platform to talk down to people. I don’t like anyone pushing anything. I don’t go to Boston and yell out, “Go Yankees!” You don’t do that. It’s like, eh, whatever, say your thing and then goodbye! I’ll decide for myself. Don't you fuckin’ tell me what to believe in! I believe in myself. I believe in hardcore.

RECYCLING AND CONSERVATION I

We got junk mail. People don’t want junk mail. You go out of town and somebody sees all this junk mail, they’re gonna rob your house! Besides, save a tree! What happened to that? That go away all of a sudden? We threw an H-bomb on Hiroshima and you don’t want to recycle a can?

SMARTPHONES

Kids say, "How did you tour without a cell phone?” Just do it! Go there! You’ll find it! Pull over, write a letter. Maybe try to know somebody, you know? I’d go days without showering. I slept on sides of the road. I slept on a pool table. I slept in a bar. Dirty hotel rooms.

CONGESTION PRICING

You got this fucking [New York governor Kathy] Hochul, she says, "Yeah, we’re the first in America to make congestion pricing!” Yeah, you’re the first in America to fuck people in the ass! Ya fucking motherfucker. Get someone with some common sense. Now people gotta come from New Jersey to deliver stuff here. Now it’s gonna cost me more money. You know what I mean? They don’t get it. These fucking...

MARIJUANA

I’m not that big of a weedhead. I smoke a little. I like a little weed, glass of wine, and a cigar. That’s what I do, I smoke cigars. I got a cigar collection. I don’t collectthem, I smoke them. Same thing with wine. I don’t collect it, I drink it. It was just Bastille Day the other day, I had a beautiful bottle of wine.

One time we were smoking weed in a parking lot. We had just showered and were ready to go to our hotel. Somebody called the copsand said we were smoking weed. To this day, I don’t know who it was, but I curse them out. Somebody! Cop came over hereto harass me. This cop was looking for stuff. He was looking in our garbage can, and he came in our room. Turned my van upside down. They wanted us to go down. This was before the weed laws now. Things are a little more liberal. I was like, “Who called?!” Have them come here. I’m not bothering anybody. Until today, wherever you are, motherfucker, I curse you. Christmas Eve, I hope you die. I don’t give a fuck. I go to church, I light a candle. Pray for death, motherfucker.

RODENTS

I saw a rat the other day I n the su bway. Whatever. Don’t worry about the rats. They don’t want nothing to do with you. It’s the two-legged rats you gotta worry about. You’re doing something, somebody gotta take a picture. Rat you out.

ARTIFICUMJNTELUGENCE IN MUSIC

It’s fake! Let’s keep it real.

ELECTRONIC MUSIC

First, I want to thank ESG for sponsoring me. They're good to me. I’m due for a guitar.

Yeah, I mean, a DJ has a platform, but he doesn’t have a voice, in a way. I don’t get the DJ thing. The old-school musicians don’t like DJs because it’s not real music. But you know, you need music around. I think they get a little too much credit. Too much money. There’s some guys, you know, dig ditches, they don’t get the money these fucking people who walk in with an iPhone and play.

I was just in—I call it Shit-aly—you know, Eataly on 23rd. I fucking hate it in there. It’s a bunch of people and they’re bourgeois. They were having this thing in there, they were all drinking white wine. Right there, it tells you. They had this famous DJ, I forget his name. He was playing songs like Stevie Wonder. You gotta play Caruso! You don’t play that guy—play Pavarotti! It makes the food taste better. You need the atmosphere, you gotta play Italian music. You can’t play, like, Madonna.

THE COST OF LIVING

It was rough out there. I lived on $3 a day. Before they called it per diem it was like, “Here’s $3, figure it out.” And you know what I did? 99 cents! I got three hot dogs and a Big Gulp. For 99 cents! I was shitting links! I did that breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Swear to God. Where you gonna get that deal now?

If we couldn’t afford a hotel, we pulled over on the side of the road. We’re sleeping on the road. Like on a little bit of an off bank. It feels like it’s raining. Fucking crickets or whatever the hell, they’re coming out. A swarm of ’em. Like they were all over the place. All over our van. All over us. Outside the van. It was hot. But we did it. And we had the dog, my roadie Frenchie. We always took a dog with us.

SOCIAL MEDIA

It sucks. Everybody’s in everybody’s business!

AND FINALLY, VINNIE STIGMA’S OFFICIAL I CAMPAIGN SLOGAN!

Whatever’s good for my pocket!

VINNIE STIGMA’S MOUNT RUSHMORE

In Stigma’s new America in 2025, we can expect sweeping changes for the better and a new world from the moment he straps on that ESG in the Oval Office. As such, we asked Vinnie Stigma about our sparkly new future and what that would look like if he were to redo Mount Rushmore with his vision.

Joey Shithead

A from DOA

He’s Canadian, but we’re starting clean. The rules have changed!

Freddy Cricie

from Madball

We need someone young and different.

He’s the oldest punk rocker in the

world! He’s 80! And he’s been there

from the beginning.

Sab Grej

of Iron Cross

Nobody gives him any props.

He’s a rebel.

And in the place of the Crazy Horse Memorial?

See, I want to be the Indian because I have the big nose.