What Is FRIENDCORE?

We’ve all heard it before, but it isn’t so obvious that you’d immediately catch it.

“Did you see [band name]? How were they?”

“Great guys!”

Rewind that a second and think about it. . .the question wasn’t answered. They asked how the band was. There is no comma between “Great” and “guys”— they did NOT say they liked the band in any way. And no one even asked what kind of people they were. So why would anyone respond that way? Like Mama said, if you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all. But in this age of hot takes and criticism behind the veil of the internet, why would someone avoid stating their musical opinion? Well, it could be because we’re dealing here with friendcore (a.k.a. friendship rock, or GGBB, short for Good Guys Bad Band). What is friendcore? Watching a band you have no interest in musically but are supporting because your friend(s) are in the band.

Now, I’d never encourage anyone to lie. Except maybe a little white lie, like in this case where no one is being hurt and it is, in fact, lifting someone up. There’s a fine line between malicious intent and keeping up appearances. And a good friend is going to support their friends, regardless of the situation. So as long as I’m free that night, I’ll be there, regardless of how I actually feel.

And for young musicians who may be part of a scene, it could be a painstaking way of gaining an audience, sort of. When a band performs, musicians from other bands will probably attend—that could be out of friendship, but it also could be that when it comes time for them to play, the band will pay it back and attend their show. It’s a circle of guilt that can last until infinity; an entire cottage industry built on the guilt trip.

Here’s where the complexities start. Once you’re at the show and you’re supporting your friend, how long do you need to watch? As in, what’s the minimum amount of time you can stand there and still pass a quiz like “What do you think of the new song?” Do you position yourself up front to be seen, or do you go stand where you normally would? What’s the etiquette in terms of grabbing a drink or using the bathroom during their set? Do you joke with them/fake-heckle them while playing? Or do you just quietly watch them? Do you hoot and holler like a megafan? I’ve always gone with “do what I normally would do” and look at their set list or ask questions about what they’re gonna play before they go on stage. #protip

But if you’ve been doing this as long as I have, that’s when things get weird. It reached critical mass one day when I went to see my friend’s band, I'll call them the Rolling Stones for the sake of this story. They were the second of four on a tour package, and the guys told me that the gigs “were a good look” for them and they needed me there—I probably would have gone anyway because that’s the rules of friendcore. While at the show, I ran into a buddy selling merch for a different band who was utterly shocked to see me at the gig. He knew that none of the bands were my thing, or so he thought. “Dude, why are you here?” he asked. “What band did you come to see?” Caught. Red-handed. I didn’t have an answer, so I muttered something under my breath about “hanging with some friends,” and then asked him how the tour was going. Avoided that one, phew.

The ironic thing was that I realized something totally unexpected while watching them that night: I had seen the Rolling Stones so many times that not only had I memorized some of their songs, but I actually had favorites that I looked forward to in the set. So not only were these songs that I didn’t like at the outset taking up real estate in my brain, but I actually looked forward to hearing them. Were these songs actually “growers”? Or was this some sort of psychology thing that I didn’t understand? Something that I think is called an emotional transference, or a contagion. Sounds incredibly infectious and terrifying. I have enough trouble dealing with my own emotions.

Eventually I came to follow my original instincts on the Stones; maybe I got sick of making excuses or just came to my senses, who fucking knows. Hell, maybe I was just plain tired of seeing them so much. Regardless, this is where being crafty comes in handy. A friend of mine whom I’ll call LL Cool J explains more:

“My friend was staying with me because I live three blocks from the venue. He left early to meet up with this band and told me his set time was at 7 p.m. I was an episode behind on one of my favorite shows, so I watched it, hit pause at 6:50, went to the venue, and said hi while he set up. I made sure to make eye contact after he started and I was back in front of the TV by 7:05.”

For the record I asked what the TV show was, and he said, “It could have been fucking Friends, I just can’t do it anymore.” Touche. I’ve also heard stories of staying in the greenroom the entire night, doing a loop of walking in and talking to the band for a minute and leaving, posting on Instagram stories and leaving (or, even more nefarious, getting a friend who’s already there to send over a video for you!), even buying a piece of merch and splitting. All this to keep up appearances and avoid telling a friend what we really think.

But here’s the thing: A lot of musicians just don’t care. Almost all of them know that music is subjective and not everyone is going to “get” what they’re doing. Yes, even friends.

I love my job. I love going to shows. Don’t get me wrong. And yes, to be fair, a lot of people are interested in what I do for work and how I do it. But every job has its downside, and mine just so happens to be that a lot of people who aren’t full-time musicians work in the music industry. I’ve been going to five or more shows a week for more than 10 years, maybe up to 15, and some of those weeks I could go to upwards of eight shows. That’s a lot of people I’ve known over the years. A lot of people I consider friends. And quite a few of them have bands. Good dudes, though!