Wow, there is literally nothing worse than reading about how many of you “almost creemed” when you got issue 1. Please stop making this pun. What’s wrong with you?

GOD'S COCK-APPROVED

You motherfuggers did it—what a huuuuge huge treat issue 1 is! (Huge in size, huge in stature.) It’s gonna take a few dayz ‘n’ nights (and weed) to consume the entire enchilada, but having read a few pieces already (and eyeballed and thumbed every sweet sweet page), it’s plain to see CREEM has indeed arisen like God’s cock on that first Monday lo those many eons ago. Glad to subscribe AGAIN (as I did back when I was but a tiny cherub), cannot miss an issue. Congrats x 100!!!

The Other John Paul Jones

PROTEIN NOT WORTH IT

Dear Creem,

Every stop on tour in Europe (specifically Germany), we are paired with a self-proclaimed “egg punk” band on the bill. Aren’t we supposed to stop serving breakfast at 11? It certainly doesn’t taste fresh by the time they hit the stage at 22:00.

Sincerely,

Jewish Glitter Band

POPPER PEOPLE EATERS