MOVIN’ METAL

METAL is moving. Again. It’s just something we like to do every six months (or every three issues, whichever comes first), thanks to our bosses’ arbitrary faith in the predictions of Nostradamus. And, being the rockin’ mofos that we are, we at METAL know that we can always rely upon our famous pals to pitch in and lend a hand whenever we impulsively pack up and move clear across the country. Motorhead, for instance, allowed us to load up their tour bus with nigh on 20 years’ worth of classic CREEM back issues. Lemmy and the boys also offered some helpful, er, packing hits. Box of t-shirts, anyone?

Kingdom Come also offered vehicular support, lending us one of their refrigerated Ryder trucks to transport the handsome METAL editors’ private stock of Boy Howdy! beer. “Thanks, dudes,” say the thirsty Ed’s!

Despite the cruel and uncalled for tauntings he received in these pages from the now-deceased Triumvirate of Metal Wisdom, Ronnie James Dio magnanimously offered to provide individual crosscountry transportation for the editors of METAL—who politely declined when they learned that Ronnie had hired Rose A. Gordon, Stephen Pearcy’s mom and the editor of Rock Scene as chauffeurs.

Laaz Rockit helped us clean out our files, and came across Rick Johnson’s old gun collection.

Rob Halford, truly wanted to help us with the heavy lifting. Unfortunately, he's just had his nails done, so he had to settle for directing the action from this nifty overhead platform. Rob promises he'll do more backbreaking physical labor on our next move, though. Funny, we remember him saying the exact same thing in Detroit!

The occasion of our move has so touched the hearts of the metal community that the members of Megadeth’s original lineup consented to reunite for an afternoon of manly forlift activity. “A bonny idea,” say the METAL editors in unison.

Guitar god Steve Vai dropped by to help us with our office furniture, but someone was apparently thoughtful enough to have moved it

"Darm those Bekins elves!" echo the members of Death Angel.

Alice Cooper was understandably distressed when told that his doll collection would not fit on the moving van.

Though the bulk of the METAL operation travelled by land, the really important stuff—like DeMuir’s Cleaners from Venus CDs, Sprague’s trick handcuffs and Peters’ Grateful Dead bootlegs— was moved on Stryper’s Bee-copter, loaned by the band in the true spirit of Christian charity.

Art director Dennis Loren, meanwhile, apparently jumped from the back of the moving van somewhere in Arizona, and was last spotted hitchhiking back to L.A.

Ozzy Osbourne graciously agreed to oversee the interior decoration of the new METAL offices. Here, we see Ozzy carefully checking one of former Assistant Editor Joanne Carnegie’s acclaimed original paintings for traces of lint.

Naturally, fellow art lover Jack Russell of Great White felt compelled to get in on the act as well, advising Ozzy on the proper hanging of these memorial portraits of former METAL contributors Martin Dio, Jesse Grace, Hal Jordon and Alexandria Staunton-James. Martin, Jesse and Hal, of course, perished in a mysterious air crash that is still under investigation. Alexandra was murdered in prison shortly after being convicted of stock fraud.

Upon their arrival at METAL's new offices, the members of Laaz Rockit discovered that our phones have benn disconnected. Oops, somebody must've forgotten to pay the bill Heee...

Once the sweaty, grimy move was finally completed, the secure-intheir-masculinity members of Poison frolicked playfully in the refreshing spray of a nearby shower. Wonder where Bobby’s hands are ...