LETTERS
My name is Liz. My friend and I have a complaint. We are all Californians and we want you damn foreigners to get out of our state. That means all of you!! I can see you wondering—"What’s a foreigner?" Let me enlighten you—a foreigner is someone who was not actually born (thereby receiving the proper smog-laden attitude imprint with the first breath) in the area of CA.
LETTERS
CREEM CROSS-COUNTRY MOVE EXPLAINED!
My name is Liz. My friend and I have a complaint. We are all Californians and we want you damn foreigners to get out of our state. That means all of you!! I can see you wondering—“What’s a foreigner?’’
Let me enlighten you—a foreigner is someone who was not actually born (thereby receiving the proper smog-laden attitude imprint with the first breath) in the area of CA. south of San Luis Obispo—or Arizona. The
fruits from up north have their own state.
Why are we so mad? Why?!?
What a dumb question—we’re pissed off because you jerks come out here and pretend you’re us! Bleached blond hair, skateboards, health food and designer clothes don’t make you Californian. They make you look like trendy, ill-bred boring sluts and make us look like we’re from Wisconsin. We can spot you yards away and you make us puke.
For your files, all good Californians:
Have mostly BROWN hair.
Don’t have tans—bad for your skin and besides, there’s too many tourists at the beach.
Are totally laid back, never exercise if they can help it and eat junk food at every meal.