THE 1987 CREEM READERS POLL

THE 1987 CREEM READERS POLL ALL HAIL SATAN!

FEATURES

“Come back to Michigan.” -Chuck Skarsaune, Ann Arbor, MI

It’s the hap, hap, happiest time of the year: yep, it’s time to publish the results of our annual readers poll! Doubtless you’re every bit as excited about this as we are, as well you should be.

Why? Because this year the results have the illusion of cohesiveness, one of our favorite illusions on this misty plane of existence. We’ve gotten rid of most of our bad readers and kept only our good readers. Although this has reduced our circulation to roughly 40, we’re glad—we don’t care about making money off this charitable enterprise anyway. Right, Mr. Levitt?

Anyway, on to the winners. Like we said, the illusion of cohesiveness is strong, mostly because the big winners this year are U2, R.E.M. and the Replacements. The Irish fellows nailed down Top Album and Top Group honors—shades o’ 1985, when they won the group thing for the first time—and R.E.M., who ruthlessly dominated last year’s circus, stayed strong in ’87, as they were voted the #2 group and Document the #3 album. The fun-loving Mats, on the other hand, scored mightily for the first time in our poll’s history: Pleased To Meet Me was named the #2 album of the year gone by, two of their singles placed in the top 10, and the group hit #3 on your list of “bests.” Bully.

Other surprises: Suzanne Vega, who’s never been seen in our yearly iallies, blasted all the way to #1 in the female vocalist category, pummeling last year’s winner, Madonna, who tragically slipped to #5 in a tough field. Emerging from his long hibernation, Michael Jackson romped to victory as both the “Most Pathetic” and the “Rip-off Of The Year,” whomping serious competition like Ronald Reagan, the PMRC and Rolling Stone’s 20th Year Anniversary hullabaloo. Helluva year, Mikey! Paul Shaffer went from #3 to #1 in the keyboardist of the year slot, so he’ll probably arrange to have these results read over national TV, just for kicks. And, after a one-year slip to the runner-up position, Motley Crue regained the honor of being the worst group in the world. Neat, huh?

Congrats are in order for Crowded House, who easily won the best'new group category—and in keeping with CREEM poll tradition, they’ll never »make another record and be regarded as dismal flops henceforth. Congrats also to Bill Berry, the only member of R.E.M. who didn’t win his respective category (he came in second)—last year they all came in second except for Mike Mills, who brought home the bass"-playin’ bacon. Shuffle them R.E.M. people! And kudos to you for finally keeping Eddie Van Halen out of the be^t, keyboardist listing—frankly, we were getting kinda embarrassed about him winning the damn thing. Finally, we should note that, if we had a “Comeback Of The Year” category, it would’ve surely been won by ex-Monkee George Harrison. Thanks for all your votes, old-timers!

Bring back the cow.’ —Jay Nations, Knoxville, TN

As promised, the incredibly fortunate, wise and goodlooking readers whose comments are strewn throughout this section will be receiving free one-year subscriptions to CREEM. Not only that, they’ll actually become better than everyone who didn’t get their comments published, just as a side bonus. Oh, yeah, and eternal life. And the power to remake reality.

Hope you enjoyed it as much as we did. We forgive you your errors, which are many, and welcome your participation in next year’s poll. Now get real drunk and fall down and hit your head, OK?

TOP ALBUM

1. The Joshua Tree—U2

2. Pleased To Meet Me—The Replacements

3. Document—R.E.M.

4. The Lonesome Jubilee—John Cougar Mellencamp

5. Kiss Me, Kiss Me, Kiss Me—The Cure

6. Louder Than Bombs—The Smiths

7. Tunnel Of Love—Bruce Springsteen

8. Electric—The Cult

9. Bad Animals—Heart

10. Sign ‘O’ The Times—Prince

‘1987 marked the year R.E.M. and U2 sold out. It’s a damned shame.” —Michelle Trayne, Calumet City, IL

‘The Replacements are really not that great.” —Scott Colby, Troy, Ml

BEST FEMALE VOCALIST

1. Suzanne Vega

2. Ann Wilson

3. Natalie Merchant

4. Siouxsie Sioux

5. Madonna

6. Chrissie Hynde

7. Susanna Hoffs

8. Kate Bush

9. Exene Cervenka

10.Anita Baker

TOP SINGLE

1. “The One I Love’-R.E.M.

2. “Paper In Fire”—John Cougar Mellencamp

3. “With Or Without You”-U2

4. “Alex Chilton”—The Replacements

5. “Luka”—Suzanne Vega

6. “Why Can’t I Be You?”-The Cure

7. “Just Like Heaven”—The Cure

8. “The Ledge”—The Replacements

9. “Sign ‘0’ The Times”—Prince

10. “Don’t Dream It’s Over”—Crowded House

TOP BAND

1. U2

2. R.E.M.

3. The Replacements

4. The Smiths

5. The Cure

6. Heart

7. John Cougar Mellencamp

8. Husker Du

9. Echo & The Bunnymen

10. Bon Jovi

BEST MALE VOCALIST

1. Michael Stipe

2. Bono

3. John Cougar Mellencamp

4. Paul Westerberg

5. Morrissey

6. Robert Smith

7. Bruce Springsteen

8. Prince

9. David Coverdale

10.Steven Tyler

BEST GUITARIST

1. Peter Buck

2. The Edge

3. Johnny Marr

4. Eddie Van Halen

5. Steve Stevens

6. Bob Mould

7. Stevie Ray Vaughn

8. Billy Duffy

9. Robert Smith

10.Jeff Beck

BEST KEYBOARDIST

1. Paul Shaffer

2. Laurence Tolherst

3. Roy Bittan

4. Billy Joel

5. Steve Winwood

6. Bruce Hornsby

7. Howard Johnson

8. The Edge

9. Christine McVie

10.Jerry Lee Lewis

BEST BASSIST

1. Mike Mills

2. Adam Clayton

3. Tommy Stinson

4. Sting

5. Mike Watt

6. Simon Gallup

7. Toby Myers

8. Andy Rourke

9. Nikki Sixx

10.Billy Sheehan

“Has anyone ever seen Mike Mills and Scooter from the Muppets in the same room?” —Seymour McMullen, Bayside, NY

Am I the only person who thinks Bruce Springsteen is a scum-sucking pig?” —Amy Hall, Memphis, TN

BEST DRUMMER

1. Larry Mullen, Jr.

2. Bill Berry

3. Kenny Aranoff

4. Tommy Lee

5. Rick Allen

6. Mike Joyce

7. Chris Mars

8. Neal Peart

9. Boris Williams

10.Phil Collins

BEST PRODUCER

1. Daniel Lanois/Brian Eno

2. Rick Rubin

3. Jim Dickinson

4. Scott Litt

5. Don Dixon

6. Don Gehman

7. Robert “Mutt” Lange

8. John Cougar Mellencamp

9. Todd Rundgren

10. Ron Nevison

BEST NEW GROUP

1. Crowded House

2. That Petrol Emotion

3. Concrete Blonde

4. World Party

5. Guns N’ Roses

6. 10,000 Maniacs

7. Tesla

8. Washington Squares

9. Jane’s Addiction

10. Fire Town

“I didn’t buy the issue with the Bon Jovi article in it. If you’re smart, you’ll learn from this.” —Randy Paske, Gilbert, IVIN

WORST GROUP

1. Motley Crue

2. Beastie Boys

3. Bon Jovi

4. Poison

5. Europe

6. Starship

7. Cutting Crew

8. Whitesnake

9. U2

10. Van Halen

RIP-OFF OF THE YEAR

1. Michael Jackson

2. Concert ticket prices

3. Madonna

4. Rolling Stone's 20th Anniversary Specials

5. Album prices

6. Compact discs

7. Iran/Contra affair

8. Bon Jovi

9. Beastie Boys

10.U2

“Scariest-looking imaginary band: Neil Young, Pat Metheny, Ginger Baker and Grace Jones.” —E.R. Freeman, San Francisco, CA

MOST PATHETIC

1. Michael Jackson

2. Madonna

3. Beastie Boys

4. Ronald Reagan

5. Motley Crue

6. Bon Jovi

7. Whitney Houston

8. George Michael

9. PMRC and Tipper Gore

10. Poison

ROCK PHOTOGRAPHER OF THE YEAR

1. Lynn Goldsmith

2. Ebet Roberts

3. Robert Matheu

4. Anton Corbijn

5. Annie Leibovitz

6. Sandra Lee-Phipps

7. Mark Weiss

8. Laura Levine

9. Neil Zlozower

10. Monica Dee

ROCK CRITIC OF THE YEAR

1. Bill Holdship

2. Robert Christgau

3. John Mendelssohn

4. J. Kordosh

5. Rick Johnson

6. Jon Young

7. Lester Bangs

8. Dave Marsh

9. Hercules "Archie” Bovis

10. Jim Feldman

“Mr. Bovis may be the smartest guy who’s ever written for your magazine.’’ —Jill Ausbury, Ft. Wayne, IN

ALBUM COVER OF THE YEAR

1. The Joshua Tree—U2

2. Kiss Me, Kiss Me, Kiss Me—The Cure

3. Warehouse: Songs And Stories—Husker Du

4. Document—R.E.M.

5. The Lonesome Jubilee—John Cougar Mellencamp

6. Pleased To Meet Me—The Replacements

7. Tango In The Night—Fleetwood Mac

8. The Sound Of Music—The dBs

9. Sign ‘0’ The Times—Prince

10. Hysteria—Def Leppard

VIDEO OF THE YEAR

1. “The One I Love”—R.E.M.

2. "Paper In Fire”—John Cougar Mellencamp

3. "With Or Without You”—U2

4. "Why Can’t I Be You”—The Cure

5. "Where The Streets Have No Name”—U2

6. "The Ledge”—The Replacements

7. "Hourglass”—Squeeze

8. "Just Like Heaven”—The Cure

9. "Touch Of Grey”—Grateful Dead

10. "Don’t Dream It’s Over”—Crowded House

“I’m supposed to say something really witty here, right?” —Mike Wilson, Warren, Ml

WORST VIDEO OF THE YEAR

1. “Bad”—Michael Jackson

2. "Girls Girls Girls”—Motley Crue

3. “I Want Your Sex”—George Michael

4. "I Think We’re Alone Now”—Tiffany

5. All of them

6. “Livin’ On A Prayer”—Bon Jovi

7. "Who’s That Girl”—Madonna

8. “Wanted: Dead Or Alive”—Bon Jovi

9. The ones on MTV

10. Any by Whitesnake

SEX OBJECT OF THE YEAR

1. Madonna

2. Susanna Hoffs

3. Bono

4. Samantha Fox

5. Michael Stipe

6. Robert Smith

7. Jon Bon Jovi

8. Tommy Stinson

9. John Cougar Mellencamp

10. Jessica Hahn

FAD OF THE YEAR

1. Rap music

2. Spuds McKenzie

3. Acid-washed jeans

4. Ollie North

5. 20th anniversary of the Summer Of Love

6. Tie-dyes

7. Heavy metal

8. Bon Jovi

9. Skateboarding

10. LSD

COUPLE OF THE YEAR

1. Jim and Tammy Bakker

2. Sean Penn and Madonna

3. David Coverdale and Tawny Kitaen

4. Michael Jackson and Bubbles the chimp

5. Nikki Sixx and Vanity

6. Robert Smith and Mary

7. Dave Stewart and Siobhan Fahey

8. Chuck and Di

9. Ollie North and Fawn Hall

10. Gary Hart and Donna Rice