BRIT BUZZ

BRIT BUZZ

Sylvie Simmons

Madonna came to England and the whole place went wobbly. Famous platinum-blonde Paula Yates, wife of Sir Saint Bob Geldoff, dyed her hair brown in a huff, analysts spouted stuff about Maddy’s marriage being all down to “Repetition Compulsion” (i.e., always going gag over guys who remind you of your brothers who used to string you up on the clothesline by your knickers at a young age), residents of the London suburb where her sold-out shows were held battled to have her banned, and photographers—what with hubby Sean unavailable for fistfights this time—scuffled daily with her bodyguards. Clean-up campaigner Mary Whitehouse and dodgyromantic-novelist-and-close-personalrelation-of-Princess-Di Barbara Cartland even teamed up to hit out at the Girl’s “sexy” live show. “She would be well advised,” said Whitehouse, “to think about the changing moral climate in Britain. There are many young people in this country who would take exception to her extraordinarily crude act.” Although a quick Britbuzz survey failed to dig up one! Added Cartland, “I disapprove of pop stars because they all behave so badly. All this immorality onstage has got to stop.”

Meanwhile, slavering in Maddy’s celeb

section were the Pet Shot Boys, Boy George, Elvis Costello, Pepsi & Shirley, Donny Osmond, Chrissle Hynde, Pete Burns, Bob Geldof, Frankie Goes To Hollywood and the British Taxman who presented her with a whopping million-dollar tax-bill! Still, Maddy had enough left over to buy a Yorkshire terrier for Sean called Freddie. The real Freddie was down the road onstage at the Covent Opera House, warbling away with a rather rotund soprano named Montserrat Caballe who’s recorded an album of Freddie Mercury songs and got him to sing one with her as an encore.

And talking of Queen... Michael Jackson took a fancy to the Queen of England’s London home, Buckingham Palace, and wrote to ask her if his architect could pop over and do some sketches so he could build a replica of the thing for himself! Michael’s been writing a lot of letters lately; he just sent one to the British daily papers telling them how hurt he’s been by their constant tales of “Wacko Jacko” only talking to oxygenated llamas and tailor’s dummies and stuff.

“Michael Jackson? Weird?” said Sledah Garrett the other day. “He’s one of the most normal people I’ve ever worked with!” Siedah’s hobby, incidentally, is crotcheting sweaters, but she hasn’t made one for Michael. Or his

llama.

Although Kim Wilde could probably do with one—she’ll catch herself a death of a cold if she keeps wandering about in that outfit she wore for the steamy “Say You Really Want Me” video! Will it corrupt all these young people who couldn’t get Madonna tickets? “I don’t think so,” said Kim. “Most of the kids I went to school with were far more ‘corrupt’ even then. Kids are disgusting. They know everything.” Without having seen the famous George Michael video even? “George Michael isn’t actually very sexy!”

Although Playgirl thinks so! The mag offered George a fortune to pose in the nude—but he turned it down! "The only person who gets to see me as nature intended,” said George, “is my girlfriend Kathy.” Though it looks like a lot of persons’ll get to see Kathy before long as she’s been offered a part in a movie with Nick Nolte. Meanwhile, George has been working out at the gym he’s just had installed in his house, while Boy George has gone off to a health farm! Not that he doesn’t get enough exercise around the house. Police were called to the Boy’s London house in the middle of the night to find him running around the garden half-naked, chasing a bunch of young people. A re-enactment of a George Michael video? Something naughty that Britbuzz shouldn’t even know about? No, some fans had broken in to pay him a visit, the burglar alarm went off and George tried to chase them out! But not before he gave us all a nice quote to go away with: “Do I still prefer a cup of tea to sex? Forget I ever said that! I’ve moved on to coffee,” he told No. 1. “It’s more stimulating!”

Elton John’s got an eight-foot gorilla in stockings and suspender-belt at his house. His Aunty bought it for him for his birthday. Which should get him into practice for when he meets Rambo—there’s word Elton’s producing Sylvester’s brother Frank Stallone’s record. Elt’s been busy lately writing a song to pronriote condoms—not just any condoms, but Virgin Records boss Richard Branson's condoms, sold to raise money for AIDS research.

Sting is planning a tour with Peter Gabriel and, depending on schedules, U2, in aid of Amnesty International, which will take him around the States—although for now he’s been back in his hometown, Newcastle, where he’s shooting a movie in which he plays a nightclub owner.

Mark King of Level 42, has been writing the music to the soundtrack for Rooftops, a movie that’s trying to lure Sean Penn into the starring role. And U2’s Bono has been considering a film career himself: “I think I’d be a very good bad guy,” joshed the saintlike singer to Britbuzz. Make an even better Napoleon what with his arm in a sling—dislocated it lugging a heavy spotlight about the stage. U2’s Larry Mullen has bought himself a boat to go fishing in the North Sea in, while Simon Le Bon has far more sensibly taken his yacht, Drum, out on the briny in the general direction of the Mediterranean. Fellow-Duranie John Taylor is on' board for a vacation.

Honorary Brit of the Month award goes to Donny Osmond, who was declared man of the match in a celebrity cricket tournament held to raise money for the disappearing tropical rain forests. Dazzled into submission by the sunlight reflected from the Osmond molars were Phil Collins, Paul Young, UB40 and Curiosity Killed The Cat, who bravely waved their bats about and pranced around in more white than an early Madonna photo-session!

Oh yes, the Madonna party. Britbuzz forgot to mention it. Very exclusive it was too. Even Boy George couldn’t get in, though George Michael and Nick Kamen did, and Maddy’s pal and fellowveggie Chrissie Hynde. Chrissie’s just given Johnny Marr—former guitarist with the ultimate veggie band, the Smiths—a job in the Pretenders, replacing Robbie McIntosh. Don’t know what the pay’s like, but as for the food: “I’m a good porridge-maker,” reckons Chrissie, “and a good cup of tea... Jim (Kerr) couldn’t cook anything at all when I first met him, but now he’s pretty good!”

Which brings us to the Fat Boys, who are trying to talk Simply Red and U2 into doing a Wipeout-style collaboration with them somewhere along the line. Meanwhile the Pet Shop Boys are content to work with Patsy Kensit, the pretty blonde star of Absolute Beginners.

The Petsies were most amused to find themselves on the cover of War Cry, the Salvation Army’s magazine—something to do with “It’s A Sin” acknowledging that all of us (especially Boy George, George Michael, Kim Wilde and, of course, Madonna) are sinful little things.

Except for Carol of T’Pau. Although he plied her with chockies, wooed her with flowers, and generally got up to stuff that would make Britbuzz very wobbly indeed, Carol turned down a dinner date with David Lee Roth!! And for Nick Heyward, ex-Haircut 100, who married his childhood sweetheart, Nurse Marion. And, of course, except for Sir Saint Bob Geldof, who has dived headfirst into yet another money-raising campaign, this time to help rescue Britain’s decaying inner cities, while still helping out with Sports Aid, raising money for Ethiopian famine victims. Britbuzz is off to get into training. See you next time!!