ROCK 'N' ROLL NEWS

ROCK 'N' ROLL NEWS

CHAIN, CHAIN, CHAIN

The Jesus & Mary Chain, who are featured in this very issue of CREEM, were recently honored by CBS-TV’s Program Practices Dept.—hmm, that must be like a high tech He’p Desk or something—when the group’s video was not allowed to air on the Top Of The Pops series. “We’re very sensitive to names that could be perceived as being irreverent or insulting to someone’s religious beliefs,’’ said a CBS spokesperson who possibly eats pork by-products. To which the Chain’s manager, Jerry Jaffe, responded: “I was really shocked. I thought this was 1987. We tried to compromise by suggesting at least four other variations on the name, including ‘The — & — Chain’ and The J & Mary Chain,’ but the network rejected all of them. They wanted us to be The J & M Chain,’ which sounds like a discount shoe chain. We eventually told them it was our name or nothing, so we’ve refused to let them air our clip.” Meanwhile, an executive for Top Of The Pops, a British import, endorsed CBS’ decision. “We didn’t like the versions that the group suggested,” said the decision-maker. “But we’re trying to come up with a compromise that will make everyone happy.” May we suggest the Smothers Brothers?

Let’s see, anybody leave the Blasters lately? Yep, wellknown departee Billy Zoom has split because—we are told—he wanted more money to tour. What kind of reason is that? Wait, there’s more: Billy also left because he can’t play the blues. Well, what good is he, then?

We like to see musicians get tossed into lakes, oceans teacups—whatever’s handy, really—so this Bureau was pleased and surprised to learn that the world’s first underwater group, Atlantis, recently performed in Los Angeles, where they no doubt belong. It seems the whole thing was subsidized by Oberheim, who manufacture musical instrument stuff and have the good sense to not mess with cows in their promotional tactics.

This is pretty good: phony Standells were evidently playing the Texas circuit before the law caught up with them. One of the alleged hucksters, Jimmy Lee Been, had signed a contract purporting to be Dick Dodd, who was an original member of the real Standells, who you remember for “Dirty Water,” “Sometimes Good Guys Don’t Wear White,” and other seminal garage rock. Anyway, the cops advised a club owner in Austin to play along with the bad Standells, who were arrested right onstage as the audience cheered. After the bust, the real Dick Dodd—now a resident of California—got onstage and played an hourlong set backed by a local group.

Nuptial Noose: Whoops, a Freudian slip here in Newsville. Well, we’re pleased to congratulate Bob Seger and his new bride, actress/model Annette Sinclair, on the occasion of their marriage. And we’re saddened to relate that the Madonna/Sean Penn marriage has hit the skids, with Mrs. Penn filing for divorce.

MERCHANDISING A FRIEND

It’s the worst news yet! Cows are now being used to peddle merchandise in this wonderful nation, thus undermining their basic cow role in the universe. Latest on the, uh, milk truck is the Yamaha Music Corporation, who are attempting to hypnotize people into buying their Clavinova keyboards via a sales promotion that features a nearly life-sized cut-out of a dairy cow.

“The Clavinova keyboard/cow comparison began as a concept for a television commercial and was later extended to counter cards and our cow cut-outs,” said Jim Lynch, the marketing manager for the instrument. “We are very pleased with the response from our dealers and customers alike.”

Mr. Lynch is seen here with the scurrilous device, which longtime CREEM readers will agree bears a startling resemblance to our own beloved Buttermilk, Ruler O’ The Boy Howdy Barnyard and Friend Of All Sort-Of Sentient Life. According to the Yamaha info we have here, “The free-standing cow emphasizes that the unique features of Clavinova keyboards make them incomparable to other instruments. Therefore, they might as well be compared to cows.”

This race is most surely going to hell.

Gov. James J. Blanchard of the great state of Michigan, where this Bureau once led a happy, fulfilling life, officially dedicated “Hitsville U.S.A.”— the original Motown recording studio. Gosh, what was the big hurry? Along for the ceremonies were Smokey Robinson, Eddie Kendricks and a few other Motown notables who haven’t migrated to California.

More in the way of justice: if you recall our item about Poison last month—that’s the one where they poured beer on Geffen publicist Bryn Brldenthal—you’ll be happy to hear that Bobby Dali and Bret Michaels, who we imagine perform in that band or something, have publicly stated “that they will never pour any liquid substance on her again.” These guys must know that Hewson fellow.

Lou Reed has signed to Sire.. .Joe Strummer said to be touring with (and playing in) the Pogues this time around... Where the heck are them potatoes, anyway?... Nell Young has re-rejoined Crosby, Stills & Nash for another great recording project ... and Don Dixon slated to produce the next Smithereens album.

BONO TURNS BAD!

We’re troubled to report that Bono Hewson, or whatever alias he’s using nowadays, was nabbed in San Francisco as his popular combo, U2, were playing a free concert. The wayward vocalist spray-painted a water fountain with the words “Rock ’n’ Roll Stop The Traffic,” showing a remarkable disdain for fountains and the great band of John Barleycorn fame. Naturally, status and money mean nothing when one flaunts the law in these States, and Bono... uh... apologized for the incident and had his graffiti cleaned up. Boy, he must’ve got the hangin’ judge.

Meanwhile, rumor is that U2’s two concerts in Tempe, Arizona—where the tickets went for $5, by the way—were filmed and recorded and will be used in the band’s upcoming movie and possibly for a double live album, as well. Both will substantially advance everything.