HOW TO GET A COVER STORY: I was sitting at my desk, wondering who would have an album out in a couple of months. Someone big. Someone instantly recognizable to those who purchase magazines. Someone who would give me an interview.

No one came to mind, so I read Rolling Stone’s Pink Floyd story. It was really interesting.

A CONTINUATION: The phone rang, although I didn’t hear it. Only the secretaries actually hear the phones ring; the rest of us see buttons on the phones light up.

The secretary, whose name is Kathy, told me Liz Hill, from David Lee Roth’s office, was calling. Liz asked if I wanted to hear his new album, Skyscraper. I said yes. She asked if I wanted to interview David. I said yes. She asked if David Lee Roth would be on the cover of CREEM.

I put away the Rolling Stone.

TWO DAYS LATER, IN DAVID LEE ROTH’S OFFICES: The personable Liz Hill got me a Diet Pepsi and showed me the item in that week’s Time magazine about Roth’s new album. I opined that it was good work for a publicist to get an item in Time, then I asked why Billy Sheehan, the highly-touted bass virtuoso, was no longer in the David Lee Roth Band. “It was. . .uh, what do they say?.. .creativedifferences,” Liz smiled.

Of course. I look forward to the day someone tells me they’ve left a band because everybody was too damned compatible and all that friendship was driving them nuts.

AND THEN CAME DAVE: David Lee Roth sure knows how to come into a room. He brings his long blond hair and hail-fellow-well-shouted-at manner in with him. He wears cut-off shirts, spandex and white gloves. He’s on a firstname basis with the world.

When kids are learning to read, the first word they’re taught is “look.” In Dave’s case, I think the first word he learned was “lookitme.”

Dave and I adjourned to his office, where he produced a cassette of his new album. “This is a great headphone album,” he advised me. Meanwhile, I looked over a huge photo of Dave climbing that heap of granite that’s the cover of Skyscraper. “Do you like the cover?” he asked. “It’s supposed to do something to you.” I assured him that vertigo was indeed something.

“Do you wanna see some lyrics?” he asked. I was thinking of asking for something in the way of “Tumbling Dice” when Dave yelled: “Hey, Liz—I want lyrics!”

And, lo, there were lyrics.

DAVE AND I LISTEN: Dave kinda wanted to play deejay for his album, and he also wanted to play it at something over 100 decibels. I guess everything about Dave is loud, the big lug.

"Knucklebones" played and Roth en thused: "The introductory offer! We're hit ting the road and we're pumping thunder. I don't know where that harmonic struc ture came from, but we wanted to get that kind of feel-you know the guys with the big hats in The Wizard Of Oz that pro tected the queen's castle? Those are the guys hitting the road."

So David Lee Roth and I sang "Ooh ee-oh, ooh-ee-oh!" a few times.

DAVE AND I KEEP LISTENING: "Let's hear another one," I said. "Right ee-oh!" answered Dave: "Now the next one, I knew it was already decided to hit the road and pump thunder. Now he needs someone to go with him, to get in the car with him. She says, `Why should I get in the car with you, of all people?' And he says, `Because this is. . .just like paradise!'

Dave never explained just who "he" and "she" were, but they're probably people we should keep an eye on.

WHAT IT SOUNDED LIKE: Com plex heavy metal busily played by a very accomplished band.

HOW I DESCRIBED THAT: "There sure is a lot of shit going on in that song."

HOW DAVE REACTED: "It's sup posed to be in technicolor. It's supposed to be in layers. You're supposed to have the Big Bang Theory working for you, which is immediate impact that's gonna last the 50 or 60 times that you listen to it on the Walkman."

MORE ON THAT: As the tape played, Dave almost conducted the thing, build ing crescendos with his hands and indi cating which speaker to listen to for an especially cool part.

"You seem to relate these sounds to really physical things," I suggested.

"Oh, yeah, very much so. When we were going through the solo on `Skyscraper,' I'd bring books to Stevie (Vai), y'know. When I was behind the con sole and he was in the room I'd bring books to him and I'd say, `OK, here's what it's supposed to sound like.' And I'd show him a picture of the summit of some inpronouncable sushi-named mountain."

"Climbing is a perfect metaphor for rock 'n' roll; it's either straight up or straight down.."

BOOKS THAT WERE IN THE ROOM WITH US: The Climber's Guide To North America and a copy of Yellowstone magazine.

A BUNCH OF STUFF I HAVENT WORKED INTO THE STORY YET: Skyscraper was produced by Dave, who said "As you know, I'm a fully-licensed graduate of the Ted Templeman School Of High Altitude Production, Engineering & Acrobatic Sound-Getting."

The vocals on "Skyscraper" took about 45 hours of studio time.

Billy Sheehan plays bass on every track on the album, save one.

Billy Sheehan has since started a band with Steve Stevens, Billy Idol's (ex?) guitarist.

Billy Sheehan's been replaced by Matt Bissonette, who's the drummer's brother.

SO CAN MATT HANDLE THIS?: "Well, I'll tell you, you've hit the nail right on the head," Dave answered handily. "For many, many years-decades, even-rock `n' roll bands have searched for the perfect rhythm section. We're all doing it. And they tried changing just the mechanics of it: the equipment, the amps, the guitars (sighs). . . to no avail. They tried changing the people themselves. It meant nothing. They tried different studio techniques. It went nowhere. Entire bands were lost from the charts and never found again.

"I'm a fully-licensed graduate of the Ted Templeman School Of High Altitude Production, Engineering & Acrobatic Sound-Getting"

"I, however, have decided to go directly to the genetic code. We have taken the rhythm section from the same sweet white mama's seed from which my drum mer came. These guys have been work ing in perfect synchronicity from the very, very beginning, and I mean that in the Biblical sense."

AND IT'S TIMELY TO ADD: If John Entwistle can join Kevin DuBrow's band, then I guess practically anything in the world can happen, bass-wise.

“If you notice, the things I do don’t cost much money at all.”

HERE’S A QUESTION: “So what’s the deal with this climbing, Dave? Is this just another jungle escapade for you?”

HERE’S AN ANSWER: ‘ Well, it’s something I’ve been doing for a long time, but I felt that it somehow makes the package complete—if you actually did what the album talks about. What the music is about, if you actually go out and do that, then it’s not like a movie... where you go, ‘Aw, I like the movie, but I know he’s only acting.’ Then the whole thing has been realized.

‘‘And I see people sitting over here when we’re talking at meetings. (These people are looking at that big picture of Dave I mentioned earlier.) You can see ’em kind of look behind the cliff to see where it was pasted in by an airbrush artist or something. But we have video! I knew this when we went up, that there would by naysayers when we came down. That’s about 2,000 feet, actually about 1,900 there. It’s a very complex sport.

‘‘As I’ve said before, climbing is a perfect metaphor for rock ’n’' roll: it’s either straight up or straight down—and frequently it’s all you can do to hang on to one little place and not go anywhere.”

WE LEARN DAVE DOES MORE: The athletic Dave also ran in last year’s New York marathon, doing it in six hours and change, in his own words. ‘‘If you notice,” he observed, “the things I do don’t cost much money at all.”

Rewind to “45 hours of studio time.”

SO THE BEST BACK ISSUE OF CREEM TO BUY IS: The July ’85 issue, with the fabulous “Secrets O’ Dave!” comic feature.

A POTENTIAL PROBLEM!: Ever since Dave split from Van Halen and covered songs by the Beach Boys and Frank Sinatra, heavy metal fans have accused him of selling out and, in general, being a know-nothing wimp of miniscule credibility. I shared this concern with Dave.

“Well, you’ve gotta judge the music by what you hear,” he offered. “Some people say, ‘That’s not heavy metal,’ and— at the same time—Stevie just won best overall guitar player and best rock guitar player of the year again in Guitar Player magazine. So somewhere in the middle lies an answer.

For others who share that concern, let it be known that there are no cover songs on Skyscraper. Roth later added that he’s always doing something unpredictable, which—good or bad—is a rock ’n’ roll thing to do, in his estimation.

THE ONE-MINUTE ROCK CRITIC: Here’s some off-the-cuff remarks Dave graciously made about a few show biz titans:

, • “U2’s got a message. (Pause.) But it’s an awfully long one.”

"For many years, rock 'n' roll bands have searched tor the perfect rhythm section...I however have decided to go directly to the genetic code..."

• ‘‘Kiss is like the church. Minor changes are made along the way, but the institution remains and we all attend dutifully.”

•“Metallica has inherited the wind. And the wind sound has been passed down over the years and refined, probably more in attitude than in presentation. Maybe it depends on that. Maybe too much, as with most rock ’n’ roll, would kill *he spirit of that music. But it’s a flag they’re definitely carrying successfully.”

•“Sting has driven off the road and he’s still going. This is David Lee Roth at the Paris-to-Dakar Rally: we have lost Sting.. . that was yesterday, late yesterday afternoon... he was seen somewhere near Timbuktu.. .we have lost him, but we will keep you updated moment by moment as we track him.”

•“Poison? Mirror, mirror on the wall.”

•“Bon Jovi is an interesting combination of things. I’ve never seen the live show; I’ve only seen a piece of one of the videos. I don’t even know that I call that rock ’n’ roll. I’ve got great respect for it and it’s great music, but it strikes me more as sing-along. Campfire. Nothing wrong with that, but we’re analyzing here. A lot of Springsteen is basically the same, they’re strum-alongs. ‘Glory Days’ is a three chord kind of folk tune; it’s almost like the Kingston Trio. But we don’t remember them so it’s hard to draw the parallel.”

•“I don’t understand. Sometimes people ask me, ‘Dave, how much does image play in the success of a rock band?’ I’m never sure, especially in a case like R.E.M. Their music.. .(long pause). . .1 don’t understand.”

THE MINUTE-AND-A-HALF ROCK CRITIC: “People will often use music as a direct projection of what they think,” said Dave. This is pretty sanguine, so it probably behooves you to listen.

“If people perceive themselves as strong, serious intellectual types, then any kind of music that at least bears that appearance—they’ll appreciate it and tout it as such. But you know a lot of these bands have ocular rectilitus. That’s where the ocular nerve in the back of your eye somehow gets crossed up with the nerve that connects to your ass and it gives you a permanently shitty outlook on life.

“That’s always been represented in rock ’nroll; it’s always been a part of rock ’n’ roll—complaining.”

BUT MY LIFE IS COMPLAINING ABOUT COMPLAINING: “And maybe you’re complaining about the moaning and whining,” said David Lee Roth. “There’s an essential difference there.”

BE A ROCK ’N’ ROLL STAR, FOR KICKS: “There’s not a whole lot of normal life. There’s a lot of travel—it’s back and forth between here and New York, a lot of airplanes, a lot of airports. Half the time I don’t even get all the way home; home’s too far away. I pull the mattress into the front room of this little apartment up here in Hollywood. There’s something comforting about the sounds of breaking glass and sirens.”

HERE’S SOMETHING: David Lee Roth, for all his quirks and other quirks, will sit down and talk. Some people won’t. “Some people are afraid they’re gonna give something away,” said Dave. “Like there’s a secret to be kept, like they’re gonna bust up a facade, like they’re gonna put a crack in the pretty wall they’ve created. We don’t have that here.We’re not members of any high-risk groups.. . we’re not peddling false images or false gods to the people... what you see is really what you get.”

TO WHICH IT SHOULD BE ADDED: See what you want.

TO WHICH IT SHOULD BE ADDED: Skyscraper’s a phallus.

TO WHICH IT SHOULD BE ADDED: Only morons talk to their typewriters.