BRITMETAL

BRITMETAL

Ronnie Don’t Lose That Yardstick!

The nation is in mourning and some of the nation is even in afternoon. It’s that bad. Dio didn’t bring their American stage show over here for the Castle Donington Monsters Of Rock festival. It’ll be short of a dragon and—Fire that person who said “short!" "The only thing that really gets me angry to this day are references to my size,” says Ronnie Janies Dio, who is wonderful beyond description, really. “I even get angry when people use descriptions of my size in good pieces.” Oh no!!

Hey, wait a minute! Is that a bird soaring through the skies? A plane? Dio’s dragon?? No, it's waggish Jon Bon Jovi on a jet-pack, rehearsing his spectacular flight into the Festival! “We’ve hired a stunt team,” yells Jon to Britmetal from 30,000 feet, the stewardess walking across the top of his head serving drinks looking most peculiar. “The guy who’s done all the James Bond movies. We’re thinking of parachuting onto the stage.” Have you ever parachuted before Jon? “No.” Erm, is this a good time to start? “Yeah! It’d be fun!” Do you like flying through the air or something Jon? "Yeah!"

This year Jon headlined our most prestigious metal event. Even Dio was beneath him (not a size reference, really) followed by Metallica, Anthrax, W.A.S.P. and Cinderella, in their firstever British appearance. It was also the first appearance for new W.A.S.P. drummer Glenn Soderling; Steve Riley’s history. The band’s released a record to tie in with their appearance: “Scream Until You Like It,” the theme song from Ghoulies II, a film about lovable little monsters (not a Dio reference) and Blackie Lawless is suing the not-so-lovable little monster Tipper Gore for misquoting lyrics and using the “Animal, F— Like A Beast” artwork in the PMRC book, Raising PG Kids In An X-Rated Society without permission. W.A.S.P.’s asking for thousands in damages (to go to charity), “and I don’t mean her husband’s presidential campaign fund!”

Metallica’s EP was timed for Donington, too—covers of five of their favorite songs by Diamond Head, Budgie, Killing Joke, The Misfits and Holocaust. And what’s this? Lars is engaged? Stay tuned!

Ex-Metallica’s Dave Mustaine is locked in a lawsuit with an unknown band that claims it came up with Megadeth first and thus owns the rights to the name. “Bogus,” says Dave. “Motivated by money.” David Lee Roth is being sued by a woman who claims his concert damaged her hearing: this is getting to be a habit what with the Crue fighting the same battle. (Now, damaged eyesight from staring at those Dave Lee pants I could understand!) Oh look, here’s Otxy back in court—only this time testifying against a former housekeeper found guilty of nicking clothes, CDs and antiques from Oz and Sharon’s home. Ozzy’s got a bandage on his earhole, but he hasn’t even been near David Lee Roth— he’s still recovering from a tumor the docs cut out the other month.

Sylvie Simmons

Guns N’ Pussycats?

A couple of major record chain stores in Britain have banned Guns N’ Roses' new album, Appetite For Destruction-, they don’t like the picture of the girl on the cover who’s just been raped by a robot. Neither does Britmetal, but the band is brilll They’re heading back to Britain for more degeneration with Faster Pussycat—it was meant to be with Aerosmith, but what the heck—and are already making plans to avoid the landlady at the place they stayed in last time. She wants to interview them about a weird stain they left on the carpet.. .!

La^t time Tesla were over here their bass player lost 70 pounds. In weightl So if anyone finds it, please send it back to him c/o Geffen Records. Who said pig? Oh, it’s vegetarian Phil Collen of Def Leppard, with a pig in a quote: “Given the choice, I’d have pigs. They’re a very underrated animal. They’re nice to look at and stroke. There’s more to a pig than a bacon sandwich.”

While we’re here let’s take a look at Joe Elliott’s quote!

“Thrash metal is a load of shit,” he told Sounds. “Thrash metal is a pair of platform boots. I’d rather be a pair of straightlegged 501s.” What about leather trousers, Joe? “Every time I see a pair of leather trousers now I think of Joey Tempest! It’s put me off wearing them, even though I’ve been wearing them since before Joey Tempest had pubic hair!”

Mike Monroe, former Hanoi Rocks frontman, has finished his solo LP. The trouble is that only Scandinavia and Japan are releasing it. There’s covers of Stiv Bators, Flamin’ Groovies, the MC5 and Heavy Metal Kids on the thing, and Mike co-produced with Craig Goetsch... Robert Plant’s putting the final touches on his next LP, described by an insider as “The Art Of Noise sleeping with R.E.M. dreaming of Led Zeppelin.” Jimmy Page guests on a couple of tracks—hasn’t had much to do now the Firm's as good as broken up.

ELP’s supposedly split again too—not surprising when the members can’t stand each other, really. Bobby Kimball, exToto, has had to leave MGM due to throat problems. Rob Cass, ex-Alaska has replaced him. MGM’s Neil Murray has been busy working with Japanese metal band Vow Wow, who’ve just recorded an album in Spain with Kit Wolvern of Lizzy fame producing. They’ve been living in Europe to try and break as an international band, and it looks like it’s working, as they’ve just landed a major record deal. And two of them and Neil Murray have been working on the Phenomena II project, another cosmic idea by Tom and Mel Galley, who did the first one. Among the featured artists: two ex-Sabbath singers, Glenn Hughes and Ray Gillen, Toshihiro Niimi and Kyoji Yamamoto of Vow Wow, Max Bacon of GTR, John Wetton, ex-Asia, Scott Gorham, ex-Lizzy, and John Thomas of Budgie.

Alice Cooper is starring in the new John Carpenter movie, too, called Prince of Darkness. Says Alice: “There’s one scene where I get to wipe out this one guy in an alley. It’s really disgusting! You’ll love it!”

Suicidal Tendencies weren’t that suicidal when they played on a pop program over here the other day. The TV company made them drop the first half of their name in case they scared the kiddies. !! See you next month!