TED NUGENT: Deliberate Slayer Of The 2,000-lb Moose!

TED NUGENT: Deliberate Slayer Of The 2,000-lb Moose!

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Judy Wieder

Ted Nugent threw his long blond locks back and screamed bloody murder at my question. Standing outside Atlantic Records’ Hollywood offices, I looked around for help.

People smiled our way knowingly, (“Good ’ol Ted, being outrageous again!”), but no one interfered. We’d been discussing Ted’s recent appearances on Miami Vice, both as an actor and musician, when I ludicrously mentioned the fact that another magazine, initially interested in an interview with Ted, had cancelled when they heard of his guest spots on television. Their reasoning was that a “real rock ’n’ roller would never do such a thing.” Ted roared like a wounded animal. The rest of my tape goes like this:

• • •

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!! Ahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!

Oh my God, man, you’re breaking my tape recorder! Do you mean to say that no one has ever said such a thing to you before?

I think people have a lot more balls when they talk to you, Judy, than when they talk to me. Ahhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaa! No, I have never heard that at all. I think that that’s absolute bullshit. I think that magazine readers are rock ’n’ roll people, and all rock ’n’ roll people at least monitor stuff like Miami Vice, just because of all the good the show has done for rock ’n’ roll! That is really one of the most brainless remarks I’ve ever heard.

Well, I’ve distinguished myself, I guess. But I can’t believe that's the weirdest thing anyone has ever said about you...

Ah, no, actually. There was a guy in Belgium one time that came in with a translator. He was basically going “Aghawahawawa...” in some kind of foreign tongue, and his translator was saying: “Mr. Ted, why is it that you think you can charge money for tickets to concerts when all you do is make noise? Don’t you feel guilty?”

Uh oh! I don’t think I want to hear how this ended.

I pounded the heck out of him! First I asked the guy who was with me from the record company, “Is that what he really said?” And the guy said “Yes it is, Ted.” I took that mother up against the wall and bloodied his head. They had to pull me off of him. They threw his ass out. We had to get out of town the next day because supposedly they were going to put me in jail! I mean, what the heck—I’m a talented musician. I'm playing incredible stuff. I spend incredible amounts of energy to make sure that I do what I do as best as I possibly can. I mean, how in the world dare him?

Maybe he was trying to commit suicide?

I certainly tried to oblige his ass! I slapped the interpreter, too, because he had an attitude I didn’t like either. Boy, did that light a fire in me! You know what night that was? You know the Cat Scratch Fever album?...that picture inside? That was taken in Brussels that night. God, did we play with a vengeance.

How did Miami Vice come to use some of the cuts off of your recent Little Miss Dangerous album, and how did you get connected to the show as an actor?

I’ve been pursuing an acting career for a number of years now, but I had the incredible luxury of not having to make any moves until everything was proper. I’ve received all kinds of scripts. Everything from the A-Team on. But I never came across anything that I thought was worth taking away the energy from my rock ’n’ roll. I was offered a cool role in Uncommon Valor a few years ago, but I was in the middle of recording. I did a screen test for Miami Vice for a regular bit part in the series. They liked the test and thought I qualified for something better, like a juicier guest shot, so they said they’d rather wait and design a part for me, which ended up being a episode called “Definitely Miami.” In the meantime, I was

working on my album in Burbank and played “Little Miss Dangerous” for Ed Waters, Miami’s story man. I just thought that the song had that street sexuality that made good sense on a show like Miami Vice.

I don’t think that any show before MV utilized rock ’n’ roll songs to assist in the mood of a scene. I thought “Little Miss Dangerous” was definitely one of those types of songs. They did, too. As we were developing the “Little Miss Dangerous” storyline, Rob Cohen, the director, specifically requested my involvement in the “Definitely Miami” script—as an actor. While I was working on that episode, I told Rob, “Man, you gotta hear my album. There are some songs in it that just kick ass!” When he heard the LP, he picked “Angry Young Man” to open the episode. Now what? More acting?

We’ve gotten a lot of scripts. In fact, the floodgates really came open following that episode. But at this point we’re just reviewing them and scrutinizing them. I may do some further Vice shots. Even though I was killed off at the end of that one, I can come back as another character as long as a few months transpire in-between.

Now Ted, don’t start screaming at me again, but I want to ask you something about your contribution to the great rock n’ roll car-crashing brigade. Are the collisions I read about involving you true?

Yeaaaaaaa.h! I love it! It’s my duty to my fellow man.

Clean the highways of America.

Do you exaggerate these stories?

No! Judy, you know what your goal in life should be? And I make it my goal, in a way. To get your ass with me on the road in a rent-a-car.

Never!

...and you’ll feel that justice is finally at hand!

Never! I don’t even know what you’re talking about!

Well, these assholes who get in the left lane and go 55 miles an hour, they’re obviously criminally inclined. They need to be rammed! So you pay the deductible and go on a rampage! I’m not playing games here. We flash our brights. We honk twice. Then we ram the heck out of them. Knock them off the road, where they belong!

Do you still live on 280 acres in North Michigan?

It’s more like 1,100 acres now! I’m always there when I’m not working. I only tour during the summer so that my kids can join me.

They live with you?

Oh yeah! They live with me all the time. I’m a single parent. Their mother died in 1982. I’m bringing them up myself.

I’ve heard they’re both getting into rock ’n’ roll, too.

Sasha, my daughter, who is 12 now, plays keyboards and Toby, my son, abuses a drum set with regularity.

Does this please you?

Oh, absolutely. They’re very musically-oriented, and I’m teaching them both guitar.

What about these African safaris you go on? Are you still into hunting?

I haven’t actually been to Africa in a number of years, but I hunt all around the world at least four or five times a year.

That’s fascinating...

It’s interesting, but you know what, Judy? There’s nothing more boring than my hunting stories.

/ don’t think so. I’m looking at it from the standpoint of it being a kind of balance for you.

Absolutely! It represents the ultimate balance for me. Just think about it: Rock ’n’ roll road maneuvers consist of millions of people. Hunting is by myself. Rock ’n’ roll is ungodly decibels. Hunting is silent. On the road it’s travel, travel, travel, go, go, go! It’s limousine to airplane, to gig, to hotel, then rock, rock, rock, all night long, sweat your brains out...Hunting, I sit and sit for four hours, walk a couple of feet, then sit for another four hours. Your senses become so acute. It assists you in your everyday life moves.

It fortifies

you for your music.

Yes. I love the travelling, and I’ve never been bored on the road. The only thing that’s difficult for me is that I have a great passion for life, and I’ve never seen it depicted in a story or interview. That’s why I’m always afraid that my personal pursuits sound boring.

No...

In print, it might sound boring, but God, Judy, if you did it with me your life would be better. You would elevate to the experience that nothing else could accomodate. Nothing else would bring you up like when I go out and tryin’ sneak up on a great big 2,000 pound moose with a bow and arrow! But in print it sounds stupid. In reality, you’d actually swell with excitement!

I believe you, and I’m one of the ones who would read this about you and never think it was boring.

Unfortunately, the typical interviewer manipulates my words in such a fashion to make it sound corny and silly, when it’s really awe-inspring!

Do you feel like you’ve been misrepresented by the press? Burned, so to speak?

I think certain aspects of my personal life are beyond the scope of most interviewers. Most interviewers think that getting high is cool, that sleeping late is cool, that getting high again is cool. Party, party, party! Well, Jesus, my life has got more to it than that.

Well you don’t usually parade this side of yourself out, do you?

No, no I don’t. I don’t want to sound...boring.

I wouldn’t worry about it. You’re hardly anybody’s idea of boring/

Wanna go for a drive?

Never!