BRITMETAL: A Big Ol' Hairy Spider

BRITMETAL: A Big Ol' Hairy Spider

Sylvie Simmons

Boris the spider is dead, legs up, gone to that great Bug Motel in the sky whence it shall never check out. Still, John Entwistle, its owner, can console himself that it lived to a ripe old age for an Arachnid in the U.K., and managed to inspire a Sex Pistols song as well as a Who number, which is more than most pet tarantulas have done.

But look! What’s that on Kevin DuBrow’s head?! The ghost of brown, furry Boris back from the dead? A hearthrug from outer-space? Or just another hair transplant? According to his less gracious H.M. peers, Don Dokken’s had one, too. “No I haven’t!” Don swore to me (Dokken’s over here opening for Accept and looking much butcher than you’ve ever seen them) “It’s all mine! If I’d have had a transplant I’d have had them put some more on the top.”

Meanwhile, back in Heaven, the ghost of Jimi Hendrix has been sending messages via a medium to British pop singer Lulu. Apparently he keeps apologizing for saying some naughty words on her TV show back in the ’60s. Wonder if Jimi’s run into Nikki Sixx’s cat up there. Nikki’s good pal, Robbin Crosby, was popping over and dishing out the Nine Lives while the Crue were touring Britain and one of them got out and never came back. Ratt’ve been touring the Old Country as well, opening for Ozzy Osbourne and dodging the beer cans thrown by some of his more rabid fans up in the North. Juan got hit on the forehead with one, and was taken to the hospital for a tetanus shot. Robbin, who is a nice man and generally kind to cats, went ape and tried to hit someone over the head with his guitar. Meanwhile, the greengroceries Stephen Pearcy totes around in that much-disputed Hidden Pocket (if you can’t believe METAL, who can you believe?) have been sending secret messages via the singer’s T-shirt: ‘EAT ME!’

Did you know Tommy Lee’s favorite band was Cheap Trick? Neither did I until he told me, and now I’m telling you so we all know. On the last night of their British tour, Motley Crue got Cheap Trick to join them onstage for a rousing rendition of AC/DC’s “Highway To Hell.”

Robin Zander and Rick Nielsen of Heather Locklear’s favorite fiance’s favorite band have been planning to do a rock ’n’ roll movie. So are the ex-Hanoi Rocks combo, the Cherry Bombz, except theirs is supposed to be a “Rambostyle” rock adventure film. Their singer, Anita with-the-unspellable-last-name, has been casting an appreciative eye in the direction of the ex-Hanoi Rock not in the band, Mike Monroe. He’s “unbelievably gorgeous,” according to Anita, in fact “enough to make any girl go ‘oh whaaaaat?”’

Iron Maiden, Motorhead and Bill Wyman are going to appear on the soundtrack to Italian horror director Dario Argento’s new film, Creepers. Nugent's on the Nomads one, AC/DC’s on Overdrive— looks like everyone’s in movies. Except Tony lommi. The Last Remaining Sabbath turned down a major role in “a rock version of Mad Max. I really can’t see myself playing acting roles.”

His old pal Ozzy Osbourne's been getting all of AC/DC’s leftovers picketing his gig in Belfast, Ireland. Religious folk with placards yelled, “Stop The Sin” tour—when the man’s been as good as gold lately. When the police came backstage to a show in Yorkshire, it was only to ask him to record some commercial spots for their anti-heroin campaign. Ozzy not only agreed, but says he’s going to extend the campaign himself. “I mean,” he said, “look at what happened to poor old Phil Lynott.”

As the official inquest blamed Lynott’s death on drugs, primarily heroin, his funeral took place in Dublin with U2 and Bob Geldof in attendance.

Pop star Nik Kershaw has been organizing a memorial concert to Lynott with the proceeds going to an anti-heroin fund. So far Style Council, Go West and Level 42 look like performing. Marillion have already donated the proceeds of the final date of their British tour to the fund. Incidentally, why have the punters been throwing peanuts at Fish onstage? And why did he send a roadie to buy 50 packets of the things at one gig and chuck them back? Oh those waggish rockstars! No 1 magazine asked Genesis what they thought of Marillion the other week. “I personally find it very interesting that they’re having so much success with a style of music that, 10 years ago, we didn’t have success with,” said Mike Rutherford “And I say, good luck to ’em!” Said pretty much the same thing, for that matter, about colleague Phil Collins raking in all the music awards across the world this year.

He’s "very pleased,” he told Record Mirror. “Everybody in Genesis is very proud about what he has achieved. There is no jealousy. He has a good personality as well.”

There’s been a couple of personality problems going on in Status Quo, though. Bass player Alan Lancaster took them to court to try and stop them releasing their new album—which doesn’t have him on it—under the Status Quo logo. A judge decided after a sevenmonth battle that Francis Rossi and Rick Parfitt were entitled to keep the band’s name.

Another judge fined Rossi around $800 after police found cocaine in the glove compartment of his BMW. The guitarist had parked his car in the airport parking lot, someone broke in and nicked his radio, and when police came by to take a look they found the naughty package. Rossi told the court he bought it to keep “awake and alert” in the studio and won’t touch the stuff ever again. Wonder what Status Quo think about King Kurt’s “Cock In All Over The World” tour by the way...?

Enough of that and back to the serious stuff. The everlasting Led Zeppelin reunion rumours—fuelled this time by reports

that Jimmy Page, Robert Plant and John Paul Jones have been jamming with drummer Tony Thompson and talk of an album in the summer. Lord knows what Eric Clapton, Jeff Beck. David Gilmour. Steve Howe. Stuart Adamson Richard Thompson and Hank Marvin were up to recently, meeting behind closed doors in a London hotel. More on that when we find out.

Uriah Heep have broken up. Mick Box is apparently alive and well and living in New Mexico.

Hawkwind haven’t broken up. They're coming out with a new double album later this year, so far titled The Earth Ritual.

Tangerine Dream haven’t broken up either, though they’ve replaced Johannes Schmoelling with Paul Haslinger, a computer-whiz. And they're releasing a six-LP boxed set!

Samson's 1980 single “Vice Versa,” with Bruce Dickinson—now of Iron Maiden—on vocals, has just been rereleased as a picture disc.

Queen’s Roger Taylor has been producing newly-signed Magnum, Dennis De Young (whom I hesitate to mention in the same sentence as Freddie’s holy band, but such is the logistics of Britmetal; my sincere apologies to all lovers of fine music) is about to produce Liza Minnelli! Hell, these strange things just keep on happening: Joe Elliot of Def Leppard got onstage in London with Elton John the other day! And Ozzy Osbourne confessed to a Sunday paper that when he’s at home listening to records, “I like Barbra Streisand"! Even ex-Sex Pistol John Lydon s joining in! “I like Van Halen.” he told Kerrang “I like them lots. It’s an honest statement."

Mick Jagger doesn’t think much of Bruce Springsteen, or John Cougar for that matter. “He and John Cougar Mellencamp are playing the same four chords on their guitars that we all did 15 years ago. I liked ‘Dancing In The Dark,’ but I actually prefer Prince to Springsteen."

Actually Mick doesn’t seem to like anyone except Jerry lately—not even Keith Richards! He’s been in The Sun saying, “Right now Keith and I disagree about almost everything. Especially music. There is no way at the moment that he and I will be going on the road with the band. It would be ridiculous. I could see it all ending in a fight between Keith and myself onstage in front of thousands.” Although the two left the 100 Club in London—where they played a secret gig in memory of their late keyboard player Ian Stewart—with their arms around each other...Bill Wyman’s been in the newspapers too, something about dating a 17-year-old schoolgirl for the past two years. “Mandy,” said a neighbor—for it is she—“is very grown up for her age.”

Wendy O. Williams is a big girl too, as you’ll see in her energetic upcoming men’s mag spread. Too big for British television. A show she did in London for a late-night rock program a few months back has been canned because of “vulgarities contained in the live performance.” The thing’s now going to be released as a video instead.

But all of this pales beside the news, that yet another member of our Wonderful Royal Family has gotten engaged. No one knows yet whether the future Princess Andrew has as much to say about rock as Princess Di. But Tommy Lee had quite a bit to say about her before the Crue set sail for the States. “We think,” he thought, “your Princess Di should get herself some tight leather.”