VIDIOT NEWS

VIDIOT NEWS

VIDEO, SPAGHETTI LINKED!

BEVERLY HILLS-The First Annual American Video Awards were presented in early April, striking the offkey video equivolent of the ever-irreievant Grammys.

Representatives of various music and video publications voted on the winners, honored for "outstanding" videos for 1982 records that reached the trade papers' Top 10. Rod Stewart's "Young Turks" was named Best Video, and the Motels' "Only The Lonely" received awards as Best Performance (tied with Peter Wolf's "Centerfold") and Best Director (Russell Mulcahy).

Other winners included Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder's "Ebony and Ivory" [Best Soul), Merle Haggard's "Are The Good Times Really Over?" (Best Country) and Fleetwood Mac's "Gypsy" ("special merit" recognition after failing to make the Top 10).

One celebrity showed the

general enthusiasm present.

Vace Slick remarked that "videos are the best thing since spaghetti."

SEX BANNED? CHICAGO—If a new lobbying effort is successful, a third of the R-rated

programming on cable television could vanish.

The targets of state legislatures, conservative cable subscribers and city councils ore films that they interpret as obscene, In Arizona, California, Illinois, Louisiana, Massachusetts, Michigan, Missouri, New York, North Dakota and Tennessee, bans on material "depicting nudity, sexual acts or violence with erotic overtones" have been

enacted. However, industry insiders predict that court fights could lost years.

Miami, Fla., recently passed an ordinance prohibiting "indecent" material from cable TV, but they've already been named in a lawsuit preventing the ban from taking effect. Last year, a federal court ruled that two Utah ordinances controlling cable programming violated the constitution. And the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) will file a suit against a Chicago suburb's cable restriction this month,

ACLU lawyer Burt Joseph told reporters that "I have yet to see (a coble censorship law) that is constitutional." It's possible that compromises like the Chicago city ordinance, which limits X-rated programs to the 11 p.m.-6 o.m. time, could soften the issue. However, in addition to the civil liberty/"community standards" conflict, the cable industry may be responding to the pressure by censoring itself.

"That's the most insidious part of these ordinances," Joseph added. "Cable companies will agree to anything for commercial reasons. They'd show only Protestant films if that would

get a local franchise."

LOVE HURTS

DE5 MOINES, IOWASubmitted for your approval; a gamester fired from her job because of love...of video.

Sharon Courtney, 23, lost her job at a Des Moinesarea service station after refusing to stop playing the station s video game when gas-pumping got slow.

A spokeswoman for the state told V/DfOT that "the cose was in a sort of twilight zone as far as her eligibility" for unemployment compensation.

So the signpost up ahead that Sharon saw read "No Benefits." „ , ,, ,.

BIG DUMB APE WITH A RED FACE

When conceptual artiste Yoshio Yodo shared his brainstorm to hang a big King Kong on top of the Empire State Building, It sounded like a good idea. The powers that be In NYC. being perpetually strapped for funds and all, figured hey, the tourists will love it and immediately run out and buy all five varieties of Empire State Building napkin rings, including the leopard skin model. But when the balloon was fixed in place high above the snoring crowd, all that was heard were howls of abusive laughter. Seems Yosh forgot Kong's gym shorts, causing the mortified ape balloon to be deployed in the position seen obove. Once again, it wasn’t beauty that killed the becst...

AYKROYD GIVEN THE FINGER!

To promote the opening of his new movie Doctor Detroit, Dan Aykroyd went along with the promotional idea of a "Don Aykroyd Look-Alike Contest.” And boy, did he regret itl Cause when oil the look-alikes were assembled, in walked the Mf.S.1 When the government rep osked "OK you guys, who’s the real Mr. Aykroyd?"... well you can see what happened. And was Dan mad I "Hey," he said, "t let you guys piagiarfze me from coneheod to Elwood Blues! I even let one of you winl (The guy In the bow-tie.) And you finger me with your gratitude! Welt, fine!" said the huffy Canuck as he was led from the room. The party ended a few hours later when the two Slavs decided to swing down to Studio 54 in search of "foxes."

FONZIE EXPLAINS THE FACTS OF "LIFE”

"First thing, you gotta jam yer brass down the old slot," explained Fonxie to the always apprehensive dink, Richie Cunningham. After that, well, you sorta Improvise. Don't be afraid to shake It as hard as you can, my man," advised the leathered one. "Shake it, Fom?" "Yeah, shake it with all you got. Don’t be afraid of kicking the legs, either. That's what they're there for! And always remember how mony balls you got and you'll score for sore!" "OK, Fonx," agreed the timid but cunning ham. "Now tomorrow, will you teach me how to play pinball?"

PLAY TELEPHONE!

NEW YORK—Atari has more secrets than the Pentagon, and it's space-age product line may soon need a budget as big as the Defense Department's.

The company's hush-hush research and development gang is working on a variety of projects: touch-sensitive screens, a computer with a two-dimensional screen, wireless joysticks, fiber optic utilization, and an innovative 3-D game. But their "AtariTel" is expected to help improve the firm's financial future for 1984.

Atari-Tel, formerly codenamed Project Falcon, will be a sophisticated telecommunications device slated to be commercially available next year.

"It's much more than a modem," one sales representative told WDIOT. "It'll be part micro-computer and part telephone."

Users would be able to connect into their home heating/cooling systems, specific appliances, or "possibly even interface game systems and computers," via telephone lines.

Atari-Tel should be a welcome accessory to consumers interested in the convenience of tapping into Wall Street while turning off the toaster and playing a quick game of Smurf Rescue Al Gargame/'s Ca$//e.

VERTICAL SCAN, MAN WASHINGTON D.C.—The Federal Communications Commission has OK'd teletext experiments by broadcast TV stations beginning this year, Westinghouse, PBS and CBS have teletext plans on the drawing board, ranging from news items and stock market information to airline schedules and "classified" advertising. Teletext uses the "vertical scan" in ordinary TV transmission to reach homes equipped with the necessary decoders.

I, PING-PONG BALL

LIVONIA, MICHIGAN—It may not be a better mousetrap, but people are still beating a path to the Diamond J disco here.

Saker-One had a topsecret debut here last month, and it was pronounced a success by players and its maker, an aeronautical engineer.

The new video game is a step up from the standing or even sitting variations common to most arcades. In Saker-One, the player not only straps himself in, but rides the game unit into the air.

A column of air propels the "capsule" a few feet off its base, providing not only a simulation of space action, sight and sound, but the feel or flight too.

At $ 1 a minute, it better be popular. And apparently it is. One bartender at the Diamond J compared it to the Urban Cowboy-era mechanical bronco.

"There's no comparison," he laughed. "Maybe it's 'cause riders never got to

blast the damned bull, and here the enemies can be killed. There was a line dear across the room."

Hmm. Maybe it is a trap. SECRET AGENT MAN LOS ANGELES—Actors have them; athletes have them. Even politicians have them. No, not Swiss bank accounts or deviant sexual tastes. Agents. And now the specialists who design games for video computers have them too.

One of the first and biggest agencies is Kaufman & Associates here, who've advised some of the whiz-kid wizards behind programs like Tempest and Missile Command.

"These people are creators, not businessmen," Malcolm Kaufman has said. "All I'm doing is taking elements of the film industry and applying them to the video and personal computer industry."

Kaufman & Associates have over 15 clients, but few of them have open foreign bank accounts. Sex is another story.

SOLD OUT!

It could only happen In America! If you checked out our letter section, you may have noticed a letter from a young man who wouldn't leave his Centipede gome if "...tickets to see GOD were on sale!" And wouldja believe it? The members of the British reggae band Musical Youth were shocked, no—stunned, nay, dlshe/iev/ng when a loud voice announced from within the gome. Tickets to see the Great Lord Almighty are now on sale!" Although a little nervous, the Youth quickly vacated the machine to see if they could wrangle their way into an opening spot for the biggest gig of the century I

ILLEGITIMATE SHORTCAKES?

HOLLYWOOD-After being the Turtles, singing back-up for Frank Zappa, and producing LPs by famous and infamous rock groups, what could Howard Koylan and Mark Volman do next?

Switch markets, that's what.

Kaylan and Volman—also known as Flo & Eddie—are the creators and main brains behind Strawberry Shortcake, a character which conquered the Christmas toy market, has been featured in animated TV specials, and which will star in the new Parker Brothers game.

The kiddie-cart game stars SS and her crowcf— Huckleberry Pie, Blueberry Muffin, ana Lime Chiffon—in a rather gruesome fight with the Purple Pieman. PP runs the fruit crew through a glorified food processor

FAMOUS RAT GETS WARTS I

Rats 1“ says the ShowBiz Cheeser Chuck E. "Whoever heard of a crofty rodent being beat out by an amphibian of little aptitude?!" Not us, Chuck. But why do you keep playing with Froggie? "Because the best part is the squlshy noise he makes when I let him get squashed in traffic!" Goodness, Chuck t What’s next? "See that little kid? Well, I'm gonna take my tail and..." Goodness I"

which scatters their components throughout the game world. Players must reassemble the good guys to win.

But be careful, Flo-fans and Eddie-heads! Don't mix up the folks, or you'll lose points (and who'd won/ a Gooseberry Tart?).

CABLE CUTS WASHINGTON, D.C.When everybody was watching the "cable explosion," somebody crept up and hosed down the fire.

In mid-March, over six million cable subscribers lost one or more channels, usually either New York's WOR-TV, Chicago's WGNTV or Atlanta's WTBS-TV.

The cuts came as a result of a ruling by a U.S. Court of Appeals, which denied a request by the National Cable Television Association to holt sizable hikes in copyright fees.

The copyright fee increases were oraered by the Federal Copyright Royalty Tribunal last fall. The fees must be paid by local cable operators in exchange for the right to retransmit and resell the signals of independent stations located outside their cities. Copyright revenues are then divided among producers, sports interests ond broadcasters.

Cable companies face an increase of up to 600% for some major markets, based on 3.75% of basic subscriber revenue. Many cable firms began to offer more "distant signal" stations like WOR and TBS after the FCC in 1981 stopped limiting the number of super-stations a company could bring in.

"What’s really unfair is that it even covers their subscribers who have descramblers to receive...a particular station," commented one spokesman from General Electric Cablevision, a Schenectady, NY, headquartered network of 13 cable systems.

"Instead of charging fees based on participating cable viewers, they'll charge us for al/ our subscribers."

On the other side of the argument, Jack Valenti, president of the Motion Picture Association of America, told reporters that "the cable industry has been yelling out of sheer greed— because they've been getting a free ride for so long."

Ironically, the restriction on distant signal stations may be a boon to other non-telecast cable services like ESPN and MTV, Since those services are covered by different fees, it will be less expensive for a cable operator to offer them than super-stations.

So the cable explosion may ignite again, but it may be service-oriented rather than station-oriented.

VIDEOGAMERS ENDANGERED

NEW YORK-They stand stiffly in front of bright lights; some are 15 or 20 years old. Didn't think vegetables lasted that long, huh? Well, videogamers may no/, according to □ new report by the Amusement ana Music Operators Association.

The business group has released a study which forecasts hard times for the coin-operated video industry. Once blamed by the record business as the cause of dropping sales, video arcades face mass closures by 1 986, the study says. In fact, the report notes tnat up to a fourth of the 10,000 arcades now open could fold by then.

Factors mentioned as having adverse effects on the arcade business is home video and improved movie theatre traffic.

VADER, PAC-MAN LINKED!

After c rough gig, Alto "relaxes11 with a short game of Super Pac-Man. I don't like to blow my own horn, ‘’says the humble Mr. Reed. "But I learned this technique from Luke Skywalkerl" Sure. Alto. Not long after, he was carried out crytng "Remember the JedM My life for Obi-Wan!" Life on the road will never be the same...