LOVE BOAT GOES RETRO! In a cheap bid for ratings, Love Boat producers staged a "hippieLove Boat" episode to kick off the fall season. Shown here on deck just before meandering over to the disco to perform an acoustic version of the show's theme, are the happy if confused Taylor family.

Shown here, the happy recipient of Mr. Phillis'sTen Grossest Male Heads of 1981!! Michael McDonald couldn't attend but was represented by Billy Joel. Pert brunette Dave Lubeck of Molly Hatchett is said to be giving Brooke Shields a run for the Wella contract, but it's a total lie!

"No this isn't Fluffo the New Romantic singing sensation!" chides diminutive Rachel Sweet!

Don't like my records? How 'bout my hunchback imitations?

"Lemme get this straight: you're gonna stick that lead pipe between the holes of both records?" wonders future human sacrifice John Cougar!

Doctors at Bad Axe's Womancare Center report that obsessive fondling of one's breasts indicates a woman's deep seated urge to play center for the Lakers. Oops! looks like the Surf Punk on the right's headed for the Dodgers.

"Alright you guys," sobs a furious Petey Frampton to theChris Spedding Band, "who's hiding the scissors?! ?"