MAIL

MAIL

Please send letters to: MAIL Dept. .CREEM Magazine P.O. Box P-1064. Birmingham, Ml 48012

COLLEGE ENROLLMENT EXPERIENCES DECLINE DRAMATIC Here we are, two punks in college, wasting -time with our parents' money, and we're fed up ' with these goddam hippies running around the campus.

After reading your review of Hair, we know you feel the same way. (By the way, did the Warriors kill the hippies at the end of the movie? If they did, let this be a lesson to all of us.) Anyway, our advice is: Kill every hippie you see, even those who may only exhibit some hippie traits. These may include:

1. Frisbee throwing

2. Grateful Dead fanaticism

3. Girls with hairy legs

4.TM

5. An unparalleled love of marijuana

6. Overuse of the words "karma", "mellow", "intense", etc.

Kill anyone who does more than two of the above. If someone exhibits only tbe second trait, kill them anyway. Now that Sid Vicious is dead, it's our job to carry out his jifelong dream. Harpur Hippie Haters Binghamton, NY P.S. Johnny Thunders is god.

(Sid carried out his own dream, n 'est-ce pas?— Ed.)

BEEFARONI CHEESECAKE I wish to express my appreciation for your latest calendar pin-up. By enabling me to spend the whole month of May with a Bob Seger crotch-shot on my kitchen wall you have fulfilled my latest depraved fantasies. My only disappointment was the fact that his beautiful knees were cropped out of the photo. Maybe next month, what do you say?

Diane Koprince Royal Oak, MI

(Housewives of America: stand up for your rights! A pin-up of Seger in the kitchen, /ggy in the loo for when you're scouring toilets, the Ramones for those heavy living room vacuum/ pogo sessions!—Ed.)

THE POLICEMAN IS YOUR FRIEND Hello! I just got back from seeing Rock and Roll High School! YAAAAARRRRG GHHHU! Frontal lobotomy was never like this!! (gotta dance, gotta dance). Thank you Billy Altman! You're welcome,

From the Seminal City of Brotherly Distrust. Philadelphia! (and they say Cleveland ROCKS!)

WONT YOU TAKE A RIDE ON THE FLYING SPOON?

P. Eicher (June MAIL) should be happy to know that he is not the only person in, the country who properly appreciates Creedence Clearwater Revival. John Fogerty happens to be one of the greatest and most often overlooked artists in rock history. Fogerty's exclusion from the otherwise excellent Heroes Of Rock and Roll TV special was unforgivable. Like his photographer/brother Bob has told me, "He don't get no respect." (Rodney Dangerfield, you're not alone.)

Mr. (?) Eicher is probably right that no one he personally likes agrees with him, since some of his comments make him look like a shithead to me. Nevertheless, to shed some light on the question "Where the hell is John Fogerty now when we need him?!!", I'll refer you back to a delicious single released in the Spring of 1976: "You Got the Magic" b/w "Evil Thing". These are a couple of terrific little tunes that make great album cuts but don't quite cut it as a single. Although the single bombed, the forthcoming album was still eagerly awaited. To my great dismay, Asylum vetoed the release of the Hoodoo album that summer (does anyone have a bootle&of this anywhere???!!) citing a forecast of mediocre sales. This turn of events, together with the relatively low sales of the 1975 Asylum debut alburn John Fogerty, made the label's top brass pause to ponder the sagacity of David Geffen's sizable dollar investment in The Man Who Was Creedence, most of which was used to release John from the choking grip of Fantasy Records.

John Fogerty, very much the family man, has spent much of his time with the wife and kids since the 1976 still-birth of Hoodoo. He spends the rest of the time trying to "perfect" his oneman-band sound through rehearsals at his Wenaha Music headquarters in Albany, California, and infrequent visits to the Record Plant in Sausalito. Until he cart get himself rolling again, Bob Seger's new "Old Time Rock and Roll" comes about as close to the vintage John Fogerty sound that I've hear yet. And Fogerty

fans may have to settle for that. Three years of rehearsing without a new record leads me to lament that the Green River might have finally run dry.

Sincerely,

O.L. Doak Tigard, OR

WAITING FOR THE MAN Me, I'm just waiting for Iggy to wipe out the Seventies.

Robert S.

Toronto, Ontario CANADA

AMERICAN UNIVERSITIES UNVEIL NUCLEAR MISTAKE I was born and raised in America and indoctrinated by its hypocrite schools. Over the years I molded into this corrupt and hateful society until I found myself almost blended in—luckily,,. to be saved from the jaws of deceit in the nick of time.

I am infinitely grateful to, Mark C. for his enlightening remarks on the superiority of British music. In fact, after considering the matter further, I have come to the conclusion thqt the f English race is superior to ours in every way. I've gotten no sleep these last few days. I'm disgusted with my American heritage and would like to say that I can't wait until that glorious day when I am able to emigrate to England. Not only will I be able to buy albums with songs with punk overtones (hey wait-a-minute...isn't thereasqpg on the first Ramones album called..."Judy is a Punk"...), but my I.Q. will undoubtedly go up a couple of slots as well. I mean, I just finished my fitst year at the Universify of Michigan with a 3.8, which puts me at the cream of America's crop, yet compared to an average London street punk I ain't shit.

" All these years and I thought I knew what it was to be hip! But I guess it took this dumbass rhino-cum Limey defector to show me the truth.

I mean, I don't have any of the Clash singles— the only import single I own is Sham 69's"If The Kids Are United". What's more, I think it sucks, . which really means Pm dumb 'cause I just learned that British music is great. This record, which I've just decided is great, is backed with the miraculous "Sunday Morning Nightmare," a true masterpiece that exemplifies the wonderful knowledge of Englishmen and English converts by putting down the entire mindless discoprogrammed U.S.A.

At least Mark C._ says I can keep all my Ramones and Johnny Thunders (I wonder if that includes the Dolls) but all these CCR, Doors, Talking Heads, Television, Hendrix and Velvet Underground albums are such a waste. ■ And "Raw Power" will definitely have to go. Too bad. I kinda liked 'em.

I'm glad that I now know how to listen to an album. I can just feel the intelligence welling up inside of me. And to think that I used to consider it permissible to listen through headphones! Not only that, but I used to think that to be a music fan, all I had to do was turn on the stereo, jifmp up and down raking the strings of my guitar (which is really a post from my dorm-room bed which I've destroyed) and reflect upon the music and words. But now I've found out that to be a credible rock fan, I must know a summary of data about each song. Imagine me, a mindless Yank,v not knowing the circumstances under Which "Safe European Home" was written.

But take faith Limeys, I've been good, and soon I'll be able to join you 'cause I been workin' hard on learning to become a Britisher. 1 have already, figured out the necessary info about the song "Garageiand". It was written in a garage, right? And I'm willing to bet that "Sunday Morning" was written on a Sunday morning! Pretty good, huh? But aw, those were easy ones. This next one is a real toughie but I think I got it figgered. "Surfer Dan", by the Turtles, was written by someone near the ocean about someone driving fast while stoned (in a Chevy sedan).

Kicked your ass in the revolution America's No. 1 Punk-Rocker Pat Stotter

of the Bottom of the Barrel Dog Puss Slag Troy, MI

P.S. Mark C., my band was named after you. (Uh, we had a U-M grad who'couldn't spell, sonny. Cream of whose crop?—Ed.)

MEMO TO VAN HALEN Around here, if you're between the ages of 16 and 30, and you aren't bedridden, married, involved in a religious cult, planning on becoming a nun, or working on hermit-hood, you go to bars. Any bar. People out here seem to be obsessed with them, either by choice or by force.

r I dislike bars and am bored by pick-up scenes (forgive me, J.B., it was only a joke). So I prefer, places where' they offer live 'entertainment', probably so lean mumble "I'm only here to hear the band" to aggressive annoyances that seem to lurk in every dark corner I've ever wanderedpast. Anyway...for some reason, a large portion of these bands seem to assume that unless they do Led Zep, they will be laughed offstage. So time and time again, we are forced to listen to poor (usually) imitations of Mister Plant and his boys. This isn't only boring, it's pitiful. It's a shame to see these talented young bodies waste

themselyes in their satin and glitter and sweat, straining their voices in a chain of "Black Dog" 's and "Whole Lotta Love"'s,

Why are they so afraid to leave that stuff behind? We all love those classics, and they're fine to hear once in awhile, but there's a whole new world out there. I'd rather listen to a good disco band, or an attempt at punk, or new wave.

Even rock—there are countless other fantastic pieces of rock I'd love to hear. Just once I'd like to see one of these bands do some Blondie or some Elvis C.; even some Kinks or some ELO. Just please give up those worn out cliches. $ Thanks and Dove, «

Rae, Teresa, and Kathy Bay Shore, NY P.S. Love your mag, 'specially Robert Christgau, and Backstage. Loved the bit about Marie and Leif in the June issue. Keep it up, okay? You've got the right idea. INFORMED SOURCES Don't you think you owe it to Seger to get his birthday on the right day? It's May 6th not the 3rd. I could care less if you print this letter or not, just apologize for Bob's sake. The Rochester Rat (Michigan of course!)

(We're sure this info will come as a great surprise to Bob's mom. And Bob. And his manager, who all say it's the 3rd. But cheer up Mrs. Seger! Maybe Iggy is your son!—Ed.)

THE GREAT HUNGARIAN KISS OFF I would just like to say on behalf of the American masses, fuck you to Gene Simmons.

In regards to his opinions about what works with the masses he's frankly just full of shit, and I want to thank CREEM for once again showing us what a wimp and an asshole Simmons is I hate American T.V., I hate McDonald's, and I especially hate Kiss. I don't have to be a big intellectual type to like music that has a little class. So he can take his Kiss Comics, his Kiss dolls and all that other fucking bullshit and shove 'em up his ass. America is starting to wake up to the New Wave and groups like Kiss are on their way out. And the sooner the better.

S. Merrill

Bumfuck Egypt, VT

DOE IT FEEL LJKE DEAD CARP?

I read somewhere Deborah Harry likes guy3 vyho smell their fingers. Do you think she might like blind gtiys who have acne and hair on the palms of their hands? If so, do you guys think you could arrange a date for me with her? If you do, I'll subscribe to your mag...how 'bout it? Is it a deal?

You have a great mag. Keep up the good work.

Chris Graham Happy Holbrook, AZ

P.S. If you can't arrange the date, how about her address, please.

(Those braille skin mags just can't be trusted. —

AUTISTIC-MANIFESTO This is the story of the previous year, the worst year of my life, the first and only year I read and subscribed to CREEM.

NOT ONLY did my Nader group fail, to the hilarity of other Nader organizations, but also to the joy of our opposition.

NOT ONLY did I look for work for five humilating months in our nation's capitol, find none and have to move to miami to live in my parents' house, so broke was I, NOT ONLY did my scheduled job never materialize, forcing me to work as a field hand on TV commercials for some dwarf who bore a grudge against me from fucking miami beach senior high school days ('70, class of miami), that 1 had long forgotten but which had fermented in his heart making me do things like go for coffee during hurricane tanya. NOT ONLY did it take all my money to move to ketchum, idaho but I'd had to stay in some little dark shithole while we waited for it to snow. NOT ONLY did I finally move to bewarble place with my old friend ed and his girlfriend nancy, only to have our friendship fall to pieces because she was threatened by the

we spent together skiing. NOT ONLY was ketchum the only fucking place in the country to suffer a drought this winter meaning no snow, no jobs, no money, no tourists, no women and nothingto do all day but curse the mormon assholes who bought this lovely place and whose foul karma is destroying it (yeah, I know, poor little rich boy, no snow for your extruded carcinogens to slide down on, too bad, well YOU sit in Idaho rereadin T.E. Lawrence and wondering why your roomies

haven't spoken to you in a month). NOT ONLY did I win a starting job on my city league B-ball team, only to lose it because I couldn't shoot as well in the games as I did in practice.

NOT ONLY did I not get laid ONCE while I was there NOT ONLY did I finally have to chuck the towel and move to the city of the steenking angels and beg/my dad's friends for work (do you wanna know what LA is really like? It's like a giant fred halsted movie where all the chinks drive BMWs).

NOT ONLY is everything I care about on the other coast but the only people I know here are a bunch of career happy gossipy Schlubs.

BUT I think I've fallen in love with susan whitall.

HELP I'll never listen to surf music again.

P.S. also I never got my lousy CREEM tank top, much less gilda.

(Maybe it's your attitude?—Ed.)

GRAB CAN, LIFT CAN, STACK CAN, TURN AROUND

Hail to Bill Loeffler and his letter in the June issue! How right he is! If only all the FM stations in America (who needs AM) (I do—Ed.) had the spirit of WJCR! I have not been fortunate enough to listen to this station, but if I'm ever in Washington I'll be sure to find it. Thank God for this station and others like it (I hope there are others like it). What we need is a movement. The 60's had the war to protest; we can protest APATHY! It's the nation's no. 1 killer! There must be someone out there who still feels! The only way I can feel anymore is through my music —what's going to happen when all the music turns commercial—apathetic? SUICIDE!

Just a few months ago I came of age—I turned from a disco-pop station (which was making me sick with its shitty music and 3-sorig playlist) to a progressive rock station. It was a beautiful experience. I started hearing music like I'd never heard before—The Police, The Fab Poodles, The Boomtown Rats, etc. However, my dear station started slowly going more and more POP! Eddie Money and even Rod Stewart songs! Vomit! I have now found a real rockingout station, but if it changes, all is lost.

Something must be done. Protest. Insanity. ANYTHING. But we have to bring some feeling back to the old U.S. of A. Any suggestions, CREEM? In our time of need-we turn to you, oh holyzine. What say? .

Tami "just another lost rock & roller" Loomis (where?), CA (We're looking for your suggestions!—Ed.)

MAKING WHOOPIE

I'm happy again. Thanks, Penny Valentine, for writing a column that said what I've been thinkin for 3 years—'PUNK LIVES! The morons who are writing obituaries mourning the end of Punk are not listening. True, there may be fewer small local bands, but there are more people LISTENING! The wheat got separated from the chaff, and the chaff got buried (for better or worse) and the wheat is makin' it! CLASH100, 000 copies of last album, more than most other "new" bands. We're making inroads:

1) Police have "Roxanne", major FM hit.

2) Blondie.....well.

3) Ramones have a movie coming out.

. 4) I can't think of any right now cause it's early

in the morning, but be assured that NEW MUSIC (punk) has been around a long time— 50's, 60's—and will be around for a long time to come. DEATH TO FAT PIG RICH ROCK STARS WHO HAVEN'T PLAYED ROCK 'N' ROLL IN YEARS!

Burn all silk shirts!

Shave off Plant's chest hair!

Shoot Rod Stewart!

Throw 'em all away!

And for you who don't like "New Wave", try it—try to sincerely listen. You'll toss all your Foreigner records.

Keep the Faith Stevie Ramone Los Angeles (ugh), CA P.S. Death to Disco is a foregone conclusion, so I won't bother saying it.

(Not on/y will you toss all your Foreigner records, you'll toss every time you hear the opening riffs to "Hot Blooded". We do.—Ed.)

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CONTINUED FROM PAGE 11

MAIL

THE EYES OF A SEXUALLY-VIOLATED TITMOUSE

FLASH!! Leif Garrett is a junkie!...true...he nodded out mid-song mid-Miss U.S.A. Pageant. Yeah...I swear! I saw it...(I had the sound down but that shouldn't matter.) And I could see where a dot of blood had soaked through the sleeve of his white sport coat...(of course, I have a black and white...but I know a bad "mop up" when I see one).

Pretty observant...huh!?!

Truly,

Joyce Slumminway San Francisco, CA P.S. Hi Mom...it's me!!!

(Sorry to disappoint you, but that wasn't blood it was Tahiti Treat.Ed.)