THE RAMONES: HOT RODS TO HOLLYWOOD

Joey Ramone and I are standing in the first floor hallway of a dilapidated, no-longer-being-used high school situated somewhere in one of the less fashionable neighborhoods of Los Angeles. Scarcely had we arrived for the day's shooting on Rock 'n' Roll High School-the New World Pictures (that's Roger "King of the Drive-Ins" Corman's company) film in which the Ramones make their cinematic debut -when director Allan Arkush walked over to us and shoved cans of spray paint into our hands. "Here," he smiled, with a devilish twinkle in his eye, "whatever you always wanted to scrawl on the walls of your high school, now's your chance." So here we are, staring at the blank space reserved for us by the back stairwell (now there's a word I haven't used in over a decade, although I confess that when I am caught in the rush hour mass melee on the subways, I do still keep to the right going up and down the steps), index fingers on the pushbuttons. ready to strike. I figure since this is the first time I've ever been on the other side of the silver screen, a bit of homage is in order and so. with visions of Shelley Winters trying to climb the cyclone fence and escape from the concentration camp for the over-the-hill-ers in Wild In The Streets. I emblazon the famous "14 or fight" on the institutional green surface. Above me, the long arm of Little Joe Ramone is carefully administering the finishing touches on his masterpiece. All around us, lighting men and camera operators and shieppers are going about their chores. The second unit director is trying to keep the noise level down from the gang of authentic All-American secondary schoolers who have been bussed over from the good side of town to serve as extras, in the movie, and the green and gold outfitted cheerleaders are being given instructions about when to come down the stairs and go into their baton twirling maneuvers during the upcoming filming of the student body going berserk to the tune of "Do You Wanna Dance?" Joey seems oblivious to all the frantic action around him as he posts his pressing declaration. I step back to see what he's writing, and suddenly it's all flashing before my eyes: the girl sitting in the next row in chemistry who you could never get the nerve up to even say hi to; the shmuck who used to push you from behind into your open locker and then disappear into the crowd before you could retaliate; the math teacher who only tilled on you for answers on days when you hadn't done your homework; fire drills; detention; soggy salads in soggy paper cups. Yes, Joey has summed it all up, in foot high letters that go off in all different directions. The one thing we never could really Sjay to anyone during those difficult years—"HELP ME!!!"

Hopefully, Rock `n' Roll High School wiligive the Ramones the shot in the arm they so richly deserve.

Of course, Rock 'n'Roll High School is a movie that turns.the four year prison sentence known as higher education completely on its ear. Set in the not-too-distant future at mythical Vince Lombardi High School, the film is a good, old fashioned screwball comedy in which it's the teachers and parents who are running scared, not the students. The wild and crazy cast of characters includes: Riff Randall (played by P. J. Soles; she's one of the sweet young things that gets it in the,midnight cult film Halloween and since I've come back from L.A. I've spotted her in both a Datsun commercial and a FcHger's^coffee ad. Had I known about this sooner I woulda asked her for the dirt on Mrs. Olson and just what the hell does "mountain grown" mean anyway?) , a gung-ho rock 'n' roller whose one big di;eam in life is to meet her very favorite band—the gang of four from the Bowery, natch—and give them a song she's written expressly for them entitled (what else?) "Rock 'n' Roll High School"; Kate Rambeau (Dey Young), the "good" girl, pretty, well-bred, intelligent and she can't stand it 'cause, she keeps making goo goo eyes at ol' lunkhead Tom Roberts (Vince Van Patten, son of Dick) and he meanwhile wants one of those hip gals, namely Riff, so he seeks the aid and guidance « of BMOC Eaglebauer (Clint Howard, -^brother of Opie), an industrious chap | who is hot on the trail of his first million through various schemes which have everybody in the student body signed to contracts for "services rendered," services like allowing you to get from freshman to sophomore year without getting killed, and Eaglebauer helps get Tom and Kate together which is how it should be because this is a movie that believes in happy endings—wait'll you see the school get blown up during the rip-snortin' climax.

It'S all flashing before my eyes... Joey has summed It up In foot high letters... "HELP MElir

There's also the tight-lipped, tightlegged principal, Miss Togar (played to the hilt jby Mary Woronov, a veteran of both Andy Warhol ,and Roger Cormarf films—now that's my idea of a combination) and her two Wing Ding Weisenheimer stooges, hall monitors Fritz Hansel and Fritz Gretel (Loren Lester and Daniel Davies), who are constantly on the fookout for opportunities to conduct the dreaded body search on the more nubile of the school's female population; Mr. McGree (Paul Bartel), the music teacher who trades in Beethoven's Fifth for the Blitzkreig Bop during the course of the semester; our narrator/newscaster Screamin' Steve Stevens, played by DJ Don Steele (excuse me, the Real Don Steele), who had everyone in the screening room for the daily rushes on the floor with his various dramatic readings of "Sex . . . drugs . .'. rock 'n' roll . . . film at eleven"; the hard-boiled police chief, Klein (played by Dick Miller . . . when I found out he was in the movie, I knew everything would be A-OK. Dick Miller, Corman's man for all seasons: the guy who tells Jackie Joseph not to wrap up the flowers, he'll eat 'em there in Little Shop Of Horrors ; the guy who kills his cat, tosses plasterof paris on the carcass and becomes the hottest new sculptor in town in Bucket Of Blood; the guy~who saves would-be crooner Abby Dalton from the bad guys in Rock All Night. I really could go on-forever; my feelings about Miller can best be summed up by that infmortal line from one of the beach blanket movies, when Von Zipper says to Robert Cummings, "You is my idol."); the appropriately; slimy manager (Herbie Braha) and the hotstuff, streetwise groupie Angel Dust (Lynn Farrell) who tries to steal Riff's song (horrors!); and, for the icing on the cake, the irrepressible Grady Sutton (the guard in The Bank Dick!) as the head of the school board.

TURN TO PAGE 68

CONTINUED FROM PAGE 36

And, of course, Joey, Johnny, Dee Dee and Marky, who get to play and sing and also to act a bit in the flick. Plenty of selections from each of the four albums are used throughout the movie, there's good concert footage and, as bonuses, we get two new songs written specifically for the film: "Rock 'n' Roll High School"—keep your fingers crossed, ye who are of the faith, maybe they'll finally get a hit with this one. It combines the best parts of "Sheena" and "Rockaway Beach" together with an ace bridge that features Joey doing a Mike Love bass vocal and is, on the whole, everything an AM song should be, as opposed to what AM songs are these days; and "I Want You Around," a truly' lovely ballad with a multitude of textures and neat chord changes, and which is performed in the ipovie during a dream sequence with the band at Riff's house and though it was done before I got out to tinseltown and so l didn't get to see it I'm told that it came off real well, especially Joey strolling through the high school holding hands with Riff and Dee Dee popping pp playing bass in the shower—with the water running.

My week on the set comes during the third week of the four week shooting schedule. Corman projects traditionally sport low budgets and superhumanly-fast production timetables, and Rock 'n' Roll High School, which is being done mainly because Arkush had finally put in enough time as an editor and assistant director at the Corman ranch to warrant 4he go ahead for his own film, proceeds at breakneck pace. The dhys are long and hard and often quite tedious. No sooner does Arkush yell "Cut!" for one scenfe when everyone begins setting up for the next one. Even soothe technical side of things takes so long to straighten out all the time that more often than not, the actors and actresses find themselves showing up for work bright and early at nine and don't get to do anything until three in the afternoon.

The Ramones hold up well under the circumstances, especially when you consider that this is a rock 'n' roll band that really isn't into wasting too much time when performing their usual work. One day we're filming this scene in frortt of the Mayan Theater in downtown L.A. that has a bunch of kids waiting on line for tickets to the Ramones concert and then the band rolls up in a big pink Cadillac with leopard skin interior and walks past the crowd while lip-synching "I Just Wanna Have Something To Po." Doesn't seem all that complicated, but it feels like it's taking forever. The car has problems going around the block because of the L.A. traffic; one time everything is going well, but then driver Rodney Bingenheimer, wearing sunglasses, parks the vehicle in the shade instead of the sun and the pulling up to the curb part has to be re-done. Then the soundtrack messes up as the guys are coming down the block. Then some of the assembled punk extras get into sortie extra-curricular pogoing that leaves three wounded on the sidewalk.

Now me, I don't mind much, 'cause Arkush has placed R. Meltzer and I at the front of the line to insure that our pusses get on the screen and the two of us have spent most of the morning working out a mime eomedy routine that most likely will wind up on the cutting room floor, but we have fun doing it anyway. Meltzer's wearing a "James Dean is Queer" t-shirt, a leather jacket with the arms cut off, a meathook, pop top rings on all of his fingers, and wraparound shades. I'm all geared up in '65 innocent mod, striped sweater and Beatle boots, and were doing this bit where I cut myself on the meathook and then Meltzer sells me an official punk ring for a buck. But the band just has to sit tight for hours on end, hanging out and hanging out and hanging out. But when it's finally time for them to come up the street and pass the crowd, all the wasted time just gets them that much more aggressive, and the scene goes well.

Similarly, the day of the special concert filming is one disaster after another. The band winds up being maneuvered around from 8:00 a.m. until midnight and has to do three separate short sets which are filmed from various angles. And though they're afraid of being rusty since the movie has upset their touring schedule for a few weeks, the shows provide an outlet for all the frustrations building up from lack of general activity (three weeks of hanging around the Tropicana and you'd be ready to kill, too). "Pinhead" is the best number, what with Joey being photographed through a wide angle lens that distorts his whole face while he's yellin' "Gabba Gabba, we accept you, we accept you, one of us,", and the band whipping into a frenzy that culminates with Joey brandishing his protest sign (wish I could see the crowd in the downtown Des Moines moviehouse when that moment transpires on the screen).

My favorite spot in the whole movie though occurs after the show, during the dressing room scene. Johnny and Marky come in dragging the exhausted Joey, limp like a six foot-plus wet noodle, and they prop him up in a folding chair. Then Dee Dee arrives with eight pizzas and everyone forgets about Joey, who's too tired to get up and get some himself. But before anyone can give him some, their manager grabs Joey by the collar. "Joey, my little Joey," he admonishes, "how many times do I have to tell you—no pizza for you . You need good food, healthy food. Wheat germ and protein and vitamins." With that, he begins stuffing oats and alfalfa sprouts down Joey's throat as fast as Joey can keep spitting it out. Arkush (who's a real prince of a fella—runs around in "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" Steadman original t-shirt one day, dons his official Fillmore East shirt the day of the concert shooting [he used to work on the light show there way back when], besides, I even got a line without asking for one) is having trouble controlling the laugh level from the crew during the take and just keeps shaking his head. "This is great," he says to me. "You know, the health food idea was Joey's." When the scene is oyer, he puts his arm around Joey. "My son," he beams.

Rock 'n' Roll High School should be showing up in your town sometime sodn and hopefully, it'll give the Ramones the shot in the arm they so richly deserve. And won't it be neat when, fifteen years from now, we'll be thumbin' through TV Guide and there ' it'll be, Saturday night at 2:35 a.m.: Rock 'n' Roll High School (1979) : High school students run amok. Riff: P.J. Soles. Tom: Dick Van Patten. The Ramones: The Ramones. And the next generation of little rockers'll sit there and stare and dream about the glories of rock 'n' roll past and plan its future . . . That reminds me—Riot On Sunset Strip is on next week. Just call me Aldo. , fH