LIFE WITH THE FABULOUS POODLES: Bestiality Can Be Fun

Brian Lane, who hasn't done at all badly managing the progressive likes of Yes and Rick Wakeman, is very good with dogs. So when an overwhelmingly large black poodle cantered down the halls of Epic Records and demanded an introduction, Lane did the obvious— started giving orders. The animal was dismissed after satisfactorily sitting and shaking paws, stunts which probably wouldn't seem too demeaning for. Lane's human animals, the Fabulous Poodles. "Yeah, we'll do anything," sighed vocalist/co-author Tony deMeyr (hates puns), who had just completed a rather nasty photo session co-starring a pair of Cheap Trick underpants. But Tony vetoed the idea of wearing said garment onstage at the • Bottom Line. "Do you think I might look a wally if somebody shows, up?" he fretted.

Toriy, with fellow mirthmakers Bryn Burrows; Richie Robertson and Bobby Valentino, had been on a fact-finding tour of America (opening for retireerockers $ha Na Na) trying to determine if pooches in pink really do have more fun. /Things were dodgy at first, like when they were subjected to "small grannies who came up and yelled things at us like, 'screaming idiots'." But the move to a month of headlining venues, plus surprisingly large sales and good reactions to their debut U.S. album Mirror §tqrs; forced the Poodles to wearily admit what a wonderful time they were having. Not to mention Tony's penchant for perfecting a myriad of American accents.

"We?ve had some really great tips from Americans. Like one guy in a bar saying [quasi-Brooklynmafipso] 'Ya know whut you guys gotta do if ya wanna make it in this country? Record other people's material! [Ris/pg to a used-car salesman s roar] Ya can make a good living!' I tried to explain that wasn't the way we wanted to do it; we weren't interested in making a particularly good living. It's a one-shot deal." Added Bryn, "You can't go on doing Kenny Rogers and the Beatles forever." Together? One ponders said improbability while thrde Poodles mimicked Southern harmonies in rendering "Ruby Don't Take Your Love To Town." "I'm like all rock stars," insisted deMeur. "I'm into coke." He slurped loudly. .t ' • -

After almost four years of kicking around Britain (which included kicking every sacred cow of. British culture), the Poodles tend to scream in pain if asked about their name, and moan and groan when queried about their connection with John Entwistle and Muff Win wood (who each produced part of the LP). But they are happy to detail any other bit of band trivia, summing Up the Poodles' purpose on earth thuslyv"We were the birth of wimp rock. Wimps all over the world in the suburbs, locked away in their bedrooms, can relate to the Poodles."

Tony, for-instance, was apt to get moderately excited when discussing his, er, interesting glasses—three years old and pink. "Yeah, they're quite nice and there's green behind, luminous green, which is picked up under ultraviolet light sometimes. I just fancied a pair of all-plastic glasses to match my personality." The Poodles let fly some doggie dirt from beneath their well-groomed exteriors when little Bryn yelped, "He has an all-plastic mum." To which Tony agreed, "Yeah, I was actually the first birth from an inflatable woman."

You know, it's the sort of nurserylevel repartee bands exchange to keep from going mad when it's Slough one night and Blackpool the next, and where's that old unheated van, anyway? Unfortunately, the Poodles' innocent charms have led to their being blacklisted by droves of British feminists, who have even set up an organization called Rock Against Sexism with the dogs as reactionary symbols. The absurdity of the Fabulous Poodles being called swine in a land where the Stranglers pose as teen idols is enough to make you laugh . . . almost.

Burrows recalled: "It all started in a gig we did in Brighton, which was a Rock Against Racism gig and there were a lot Of feminists there. We started doing a song called Topless Go-Go' and all these women started lobbing bottles and going 'Get this sexist crap off!' And there was blokes even threatenin' us. There was one bloke gettin' really heavy with Tony."

DeMeur continued, "Yeah, like he was protecting his sister. They're all terribly earnest and serious about the whole thing. And I think equality is a serious matter—but it doesn't stop there. What's wrong with looking at a situation and trying to find some humor in it? Some of the blackest areas on earth are the most funny. That's the thing about a sense of humor, that people still laugh when a fat lady trips over a banana skin. That's life." The song in question turns out to be a perverse, yet far from sexist tale about a guy who falls in love with a topless go go dancer who gets into a car accident and literally loses her head—so she's topless, get it? Nudge, nudge, wink wink.

I was actually the first birth fr6m an inflatable woman. -Tony deMeur

Or for a real problem, .consider another Poodle howl, "Tit Photographer Blues," that turns the Blow-Up cool-guy shutter king mystique inside out. The. tune's about a guy who keeps getting turned down. "It was written by a tit photographer!" shrieked Tony, for which the band got flak from both women and producer Muff Win wood. Dogged (sorry) persistence not to change the word "tit" to "click", plus the support of Tony's girlfriend, won over official mutterings. The packing ladies in the factory didn't take offense; the band learned to ignore organized boycotts by self-styled university anar-. chists and laugh at people who bitched about the "overtly sexist" TV performances—in which the Fabulous Poodles played that reprehensible tune, "Mirror Star."

If the Poodles do succeed in their U.S. objective of bridging the gap between pop and new wave, "Mirror Star" may claim much of the credit. Kinks-like in both style and spirit, the song is aimed directly at wish-fulfillment, whether in an estate or council flat. "It's Joe Bloggs," said Burrows. "Everybody, at one time in their life, has stood in front of a mirror with a tennis racket or biscuit tins or whatever saying, 'I look good, I can do this.' " It follows that in towns like Norman and Tulsa, or even cynical New York, fans are showing up in Kinks and Who t-shirts, spotted with Clearasil, and emerging convinced that these doggies have both bark and bite.

Pity that the Poodles have abandoned their props in favor of slightly bent rock 'n' roll. "I used to do 'My Tjeneration,' " said Jony, Mdo a Pete Townshend and smash up a ukelele and then the telephone would ring and it would be Pete saying, 'What are you doing, you cheapskate act, ripping off my style,' and I'd be going 'no-no-no!' and we'd go into 'Autumn Leaves.' In the end, we'd bring back 14 smashed up ukeleles from a European tour and go, 'Why?'

"Then, of course, the punk thing started and we picked up on it immediately. We did a punk version of 'On The Street Where You Live' ONETWQ-THREE-FAW! Bob, the violinist, used to come up jand croon like Bing Crosby while we were spitting on each other and I had this giant silver razor blade strapped on me head. We did a gig in Leeds and this young punk girl wearing virtually nothing came up to us and said, ''Stop taking the piss out of punk, it's our religion,' and I said, 'Well, we take the piss out of religion, too.' "

DeMeur has traveled far from the days when \ he sold postcards by computer at London's Tate Gallery, staying sane by imitating Nazi officers, occasionally timing his goosesteps to embarrass visiting Germans. Now, he stares directly ahead * emotionlessly, matter-of-factly, with those ridiculous pink frames dominating his head, and smiles. "I don't mind being the biggest cult in the world."