MAIL

MAIL

Please send letters to: MAIL Dept.. CREEM Magazine fr O. Box P-1064 Birmingham. Ml 48012

WHERE’S THAT CONFOUNDED BRIDGE?

I like the Rolling Stones. They came here, but I did not see them. I heard of them for the first time this summer. I like all there records, espically “Stairway to Heaven.”

Thank you,

Willard Dribbleman Detroit, MI

P.S. Please print a pitcher of Brian Keith, Stone guitar player.

(Would you settle for a hot shot of Buffy and Jody? How ’bout Sissy?—-Ed.)

THE IOWAN DISPATCH

I s^w a record the other day that said “The Rolling Stones Miss You” and I just said to myself, '“Self, the Stones are great ’cause they take time out to actually MISS ME!!! A mortal fool from the plastic wasteland, and they miss me!” Well I was so moved I dropped my bucket of corncobs right there in the record store. The clerk said to pick ’em up; so,, bein’ the quickwitted cowboy I am, I says “EXCUUUUUUUSE MEE!!” Th’ whole store took 15 minutes to stop laffin’. Gayid Damn, I swear...

Well, the whole point is, 1 thought about that hippie 'music, and my corncobs, and I just told myself to be q rock star. So, Drue, Randy and me took to buyin’ some of those mu si cal instruments, we started to play, and shee-it, if we didn’t have a rock band! We call us the Corncobs for that down-home, hympin-.thesow-on-a-Saturday-night type of feelin’, but we play that hard, drivin’ music that kids our age kin relate to.

Well, purty soon the good people of Vacuum Cleaner, Iowa told us to playsome disco music, so what can I say? (Thet thars one of my more hilarious sayings. Oh, I gots a whole bunch more.) Soon, we wuz playin’ disco-western music, wifh safety pins Velcroed to our clothes.

And, I expect, we wge-’uns will become rich an’ famous ’causp we’re playin’,whut everybody likes, ain’t we? So, cover us in CREEM magazine, an’ please print mah letter; oh, please, oh pretty, pretty pleeeeeze! Cuz 1 will write yew more letters about music out here like Charlie Burtan and Rock Therapy, or even X-Ray Spex, iffen’ they show up round here.

Well, like we say here in th’ Midwest: Yew can’t always get respect from a horse or a girl unless you kick it in the butt.

Blondie is a Group,

Bill Murphy Lewis, IA

(When they hang the power lines, let us know. -Ed.)

SAWDUST FALLOUT RAISES LITERACY RATE!

1 am writing in regard to the content of yer rag—it’s the dog’s bow-wow, I. mean it’s the good stuff! (Yeah, Victor.) I’d like ta say dat yer magazine is the most phenomenal rock ’n’ roll book on the open and closed market today— ^yer article on Pee-Funk waS good and it shows you can relate to the funkified filosofees and stuff.' I’ve been snorting sawdust and reading the February issue-first, the record revues were sharp and to the poinf—but Richy Walls’ Mr. Gone spot was too indecisive—Mr. Gone is hot shit—(and don’t ferget it). The Elton John interview'sucked as bad as his piss-poor album—the valiums shoulda killed ’em—he sounds like Billy Joel (ot,does Billy Joel sound like him?). How about some Zappa articles? .

Also, I’d like,to know how you guys can put up with the shit that passes for music t’day. 1 was walking in my hometown and I overheard some freaks talkin’ about Nugent, (Phew!) and they said somethin’ about Teddy can play circles around anything Hendrix ever did!

My final words—can Todd Rundgren resurrect rock ’n’ roll?

Klondike Klone

Booger Glob, NY

P.S. The Henchman could play circles around Nugent with two fingers on an acoustic guitar!! (Shit-colored vinyl...hey, you may have hit on something there...—Ed.)

GIVE THE DRUMMER SOME!

O.K., so it’s a new'year. Now I’m gonna see if you guys can help me out with a little info.

I’ve been afraid to write, figuring I’d probably hit another Dead End. I’ve tried Circus, Rolling Stone, Capitol Records and Sound Suite Studios and came up with a nice fat zero!

What I’m referring td is does ANYBODY know what happened to Charlie Allen Martin, Bob Seger’s drummer? 1 know he was in an auto accident, but wasn’t he supposed to go back to the band in a month? (Read that in your July 77 Edition) R.S. said paralyzed-Morgood?...what’s the story? All of a sudden he’s replaced on Stranger In Town by Dave Teegarden. (I’m not saying Teegarden’s bad, far from it, he’s been with Seger before, I know.)

But goddamn it! Why not even any mention of him! Charlie was no fly-by-night drummer. He was fuckin’ GREAT! He made the damn Night Moues & Live Bullet LPs! They wouldn’t have come out half as great, without him. (I know, keep your opinions to yourself.)

I’m a #1 Bob Seger & the Silver Bullet Band fan and always will be. ■It’s about time Seger and the boys were recognized as being as great as they are and your articles on him have been the best. (Keep ’em coming, of course!)

But what about Charlie? Will he ever be back, or have we lost one of the best drummers going? I’ll never forget him and I can’t be the only one wondering about him.

So, here’s to Charlie Allen Martin, wherever he is,.. Come back.

Milissa Maszer

New Brunswick, NJ

(Charlie made a surprise appearance at one of Seger’s Detroit area concerts last summer, joining in on keyboards for a version of “Let It Rock” that'left the place in shambles. Although he is paralyzed from the waist down, Charlie has rigged up a mouth device which allows him to manipulate the bass pedal while playing the rest of his kit. His medical condition won’t permit him to go out on the road, for now, but it hasn’t stopped him from beating the skins in various Detroit studio sessions recently. Now you know who to ask, toe jam.—Ed.)

LOOK OUT FOR THE BULL

Your article on the Dead Boys was excellent, although long overdue. Nothing against the Stones, but I must say that Richard Riegel showed a lot of class in preferring to see the Dead Boys at Hurrahs instead of the Rolling Stones on Saturday Night 'Live, Your article confirmed whaf I thought all along. CheetahChrome is God.

Animation Girl

Cleveland, Ohio (in Spirit, anyway)

P.S. Watch out for the Blessed. Billy Stark and Howi^.Pyro are gonna be the next “Glimmer Twins”.

PART TIME INDUSTRIAL STRENGTH DRANO

Let’s take Elton John first. Look, Ellie, you were okay, as pop singers go, and as pop singers go, you went. Now be a good little bisexual and run out to pasture and play with your soccer team. Oh, hell. You can stay. I don’t care. Just quit slopping up my nice clean airwaves with your part-time loves, okay? Now, Mr. Taupin has GOT to go. I’m sorry, Bern, but you’re fat, and prematurely VERY SENIOR CITIZENISH. And obnoxious. Let your friend Alice go back to his beer (I had a certain respect for him when he was a lush) and you go live in Indianapolis and write TV commercials for B&B Pure Prune Extract. Or go live with Alice. If Alice livfes here anymore. Or go to Walla Walla or Kalamaioo or Weed*or Anchorage or Portland or go to hell and take the Gibbs with you. Just get out of my sight.

Me yet again, That (wo)Man in the Van ' Who never signs her name

Cincinpati, OH

P.S. I double as a male, underpaid, unappreciated punk critic that nobody wants, loves, or understands. My dog laughs at Mink DeVille.. How can I kick this habit? Help! Help!

P.P.S. We all know we’re gonna die so fell Roger Daltrey to SHUT UP about it, OK Roge? (Didn’t think we’d catch on, did you? We know who you are and we know you wrote the following letter. All, ive want to know is when you’re gonna start marketing that stuff. —Ed.)

MELTING POTS ? PRODUCES FIRST MUTANTS

SHIT!!! What do you mean??? Of COURSE David Bowie’s a Capricorn!!! (We scapegoats know our own kind and I’d like to mate with him.) And can’t a kid be cool if they ain’t seert Zep in concert with a cut-glass neutrdn bong in their hands more than four, times? And why don’t you ever print my letters, ha? Because I never tell my name? Well, how would YOU like your friends to see your name in here? Because I never put my address? Well, listen: I DON’T HAVE ONE! I live in,,a charlrguse (/an with a dope freak, a hippie and somebody who I think’s Patti Smith in drag. I never know where we are. Oh man—help! An octopus is coming out of the typewriter!!!AAGG!!

Now or whenever Me again

He knows where, but ain’t telling •

Highway 42

P.S. If you really wanna find me, go to Detroit, turn left at Ann Arbor, then, when you come to San Francisco, yell “GOD IS A HIPPIE OF THE SEVENTIES!!!” and I’ll come running. (Available at finer tobacconists, coast to coast. -Ed.) ' jJ\

DEARGABBY

Freally wanted to get to know Diane better, so I asked fyer to walk home with me. She went out with studs so I had to impress her. I attempted a somersault but Most control and fell on some dog shit.

That was it; I ran home crying. And I haven’t left the house since. So I’ve been listening to the Ramones 24 hours a day. I now know what rejection medns. tPlease have more op the Ramones, they mean the world to me. '•

Gabba Gabba Hey,

, Harvey Berginstein

San Francisco, CA

FLUNKING THE EMERGENCY BROADCAST SYSTEM TEST

r Thanx a ton for your existence. Without you guys, I’d have to,continue reading your competitor, C*rc*s, with little to 10% enjoyment. Also, reading CREEM is like attending a school for R’n’R knowledge. So far, I’ve learned this stuff:

1: ELVIS COSTELLO IS KING!!!!!!!!!! (The Attractions, too)

2: DISCO ROTS!!!!!!!!!!

3: PUNK REIGNS SUPREME!!!!!

4: TED NUGEENT ITH A NARTHITHITHTIC ATHHOLE!!!!!! .

5: THERE IS NO #5 YET!!!!!

Of course, I did have to buy Elvis the C’s albums to find he was the best in the world, but your reviews sure helped a helluva bleedin’ lot.

One fault of yours, alas, found out, thoygh. You guys can’t really give a serious/straightforward answer to a letter! (Can You???) Steve Roberts,

Definite Nowheresville (a.k.a. Clifton, NJ) (What was the question?—Ed.)

CAREER OPPORTUNITIES

Just out of curiosity—what the hell does Rick Johnson do for a living?

Paul McKinnon"

Inside the Black Hole Abbotsford, B.C.

CANADA

(He is: 1: Macomb’s leading pimp, and manabout-lown, 2: Joe Fernbacher’s smarter brother, 3: Flagman at a shrimp raceway.—Ed.)

OH NO!

At last, an article on the Dead Boys! Of course you just had to put over-the-hill hippies like Page and Plant on the cover but I guess it could have been worse. You could have put an asshole like Nugent on the cover, again. Last year it was Kiss, Kiss, Kiss...in every issue. Suddenly the sophisticated readers decided that they were too cool to admit to liking Kiss, so this year it’s Nugent in every issue. At least Kiss was fun to look at!

But back jo the Dead Boys. I’ll be the first to admit that their second album was a big disappointment after the absolute excellence of their debut but they are still the most &ss-kicking band in America at this time. BOC has gone c&ommercial, Aerosmith doesn’t seem to care anymore, the Dictators are great but too restricted qn stage, the Runaways are too good looking, [ggy is too old and the Ramones^are fantastic but the Dead Boys are more stimulating. My close friend, Scott Snott and I drove for five hours to see the Dead Boys last summer 1 and they were incredible! We knew they would be great'but they surpassed all ofour expectations! The crowd was just as good. It was nice to go to a concert where the rest of the audience looked like us instead of a sea of painter pants, new Levis, rugby shirts and Addidas tennis shoes!

I’m sure that there are thousands of people reading this letter thinking, ‘‘Oh no, not another stupid punk.” But take heed ye followers of the old path, I too used to waste my youth listening to the sounds of the old order, bands like Led Zep, Rush, Black Sabbath, Boghat an'd Van Halen. But I saw the light and from the first'time! heard “Anarchy In the U.K.” until today I have been a “punk.” Many of my friends have also gone from contempt and hatred for new wave bands to appreciation of their music. No longer will the people (well, at least some of us) continue tp be manipulated by radio programmers, record companies and the government and support music that ^“acceptable:” Yes, it’s true...we are not men, .we are Devo!

Let’s do the Time Warp agaip,

I Marvin Monoxide

Lunch Bag, VA

(But don’t you see...you’re 12 months tooJate! All is lost!—Ed.)

SHOCKED & STUNNED After listening: to-some of your American radio stations over the Christmas holiday I was quite dismayed to Yiear Mr. Keith Richards’ “Run Rudolph Run” presented as a so-called “Chrjistmas song,” with insinuations that the title was dedicated to Rudolph the Reindeer. It is , in fact dedicated to me. Alright for you, smarty pants.

Cordially,

Rudolph Hess Washington, PA

THE WAR NOBODY^CAME TO

Danke shon, you are the current rock reference. I’m just here to say, in this age of Disco people, do not dispair for the Heavy Metal. Even tho it’s been reduced to its die hard constituents, there's still no reason to turn in your Rush collection for the best of Donna Summer. I’ll be the first to admit to serious setbacks; while the true artists are( secluded in the Welsh mountains, or tripping about Deutschland, or falling under the misguided directions of wishy-washy members with “Criminal 1 Records”, upstarts are tarnishing the Metal with over prolific profiles of schlockrock. Boston shquld change their name to Percy Piss-Pop. And Foreigner’s manic attempts at macho posturing give me “Troubled Vision”. No wonder the reactionary Punks are “Snot-Blooded”. It’s all been heard before in better style. Buy Elvis records, “Rubberneckin’ ” beats hell out of the “Meat Loaf” recipe. Now that the Kiss solos are worn out, I can see th'ey’re as harmless as a Jap Monster Movie (and almost as funny). It’s rough when the Outlaws lose their ragged edge and sell out to slick pop formula. Well, Clapton is still good for the folks who retain their heroin connections, and the Stones are always good for a few laughs. Throwing bottles at Steven Tyler won’t help the situation. Next time, Ted Nugent should play their Phillie gig and mow down a few rows with his .357 Bluebird. That’s Heavy Metal! What I’m saying is “Hold On!-” We’ve got UFO to wash our brains, and if Richards is jailed we still got Cheap Trick for metal rock ’n’ roll. The art appreciators have Renaissance, and it won’t be long before we beat the-Gibb brats with baseball bats.

TURN TO PAGE 72

MAIL

CONTINUED FROM PAGE 11

Right now I’m depressed. I lost my “Spectres” tape in my last car wreck, so I’m gonna go overdose on “Sabotage”.

Radar

Augusta, The President’s State

WHOLE LETTERS SECTION

Hey, Ram Dass—where you be hiding man? I be needing to meet more people like you. Flower power be still living in Michigan, you just better be looking a little harder. Where you be hanging out ’cause I know where you’re at. Doors and Procol Harum be the kickiest not to mention the Dead. The feeling be right even if my moccasins have holes to match my jeans. Keep b,eing gentle, there be a place for us in Detrcjib

Spiritually also be having them 16 year old hippie blues and hiding in the Hills of Blooming Fields. '

Spidejp,

Bloomfield, Hills, MI

P.S. Let everything be groovy and cosmic spacedu.st with you and keep in touch with us flower people. Eike Dear Abby always says, “We Care.” ,v

(And Eluis had to ask “What’s so funny ’bout peace loue & understanding.”—Ed.).

LET US CALL YOU TRAIL SNAX

Dear Paul Stanley: I have pasted your picture on my wheat germ jar, and I crunch you every morning. Let me be the first to call you Kretschuer Stanley.

Love,

Sally Robon

Pistwater, NJ

(Kill all vegetarians, now.—Ed.)

BRAVE NEW HAIR

I just got the February issue in the maitfa little late, guys), and though it’s been ages, 1 must comment on an interview that knocked me"off • my feet like no other in a long while.

It’s ridiculous to just write to CREEM with no joking pretenses in mind, but Roy Carr and everyone else involved deserve three good-oldfashioned cheers, and make ’em good and loud. That Elton John interview was what the word “interview” is all about, though I only read one or two a year that are what they should be. (The Keith Richards piece came close). Nowhere in the whole story did the subject of Elton’s favorite magazine come-tip, but we all know what it is, don’t we? No bullshit, no flashy 3-year old photos, and none of R. Duncan’s multi-adjective paraphrases (which, I will admit, wear well with some bands); just a good, long, intelligent profile. I’m not going to gab away trying to say what I can’t personificate. Fabulous!

Elton, your right-down-to-it insight which comes from your unique career is overshadowed only by your candidness. You are a very together person and though it may sound stale to you now, those “ancient” records are still spinning all over the U.S. and us kids still love them very Tnuch. We love you for the joy you have given us and our hearts-will always hold a _ place for you no matter where, your interest may lie at a given point in time. We will smild again whenever you feel like coming back again to see us.

Love from the west coast,

Damon Micheau

“West of the Rockies”

NIX NICKS

Dear Abby: I’ve got problems.. I think that Christine Me Vie is sexier than Stevie Nicks, and while all of my pubescerit friends have fantasies about Ann Wilson, well, quite frankly, she’s a little top heavy for my tastes. And I haven’t bought a Lou Reed album since Berlin or a John Cale album since Paris 1919, although my friends tell me I haven’t missed anything. And redently^l even started playingmy T. Rex LPs, and I liked them. What has'gone wrong in my life?

Teenage Head

Oklahoma City, OK

(Dear Head: It sounds like you’ll survive this crisis, but if hair starts growing on your toes, let us know immediately.—Ed.)

OUR NATION UNDER BILLY

While recently listening to the Devo album backwards at 500 RPMs, the black clouds of my mind parted and there was spoken unto me (in a soft, melodic voice—sort of like Iggy on “TV Eye”) certain truths and wisdoms...this voice instructed me to tell all men of/these things that would come to pass—so here goes:

1. Billy Altman; rock crit extraordinaire, will start his own religious sect called / The Temple Altman”—and the entire Asian 'continent will convert to Altmanism within a week, with Billy being regarded as God by 2.5 billion people. Revenue will come from the s&le of guitar picks with Billy’s heavenly visage stamped on them.

2. Enthused with the response to colored vinyl arid picture discs, record companies will release limited edition “scratch ’n’ sniff” discs— with Wings’ London Town and the Saturday Night Fever soundtrack selling very well and smelling faintly of bullshit::.

3. Eric Clapton, Rod Stewart, Rick Wakeman, Shaun Cassidy, Kiss and Fleetwood Mac will all be gunned down onstage within the next year—and the lone assailant will be acquitted on the grounds that it was justifiable h6micide.

Well, that’s about it, I gue^s. There’s lots more, like the Beatles reuniting on the Gong Show' and getting gonged ten seconds -after they start, and Neil Young and John Lydon opening a very successful restaurant chain...but it can wait.

Looting, burning, rape...

Warren Nuclear Age Kinsella

Calgary, Alberta, CANADA (Here in Altmanville, our commonest ritual consists of putting ourselves in a “receptive”, frame mind via inhaling grievous substances. Then the phoning device .is plyed; we humbly supplicate for the God Altman with the special numberical mantra, and when we have achieved Consummation with the Host, we repeat the verbal mantra “Records...Deadlines...Records ...Deadline” One of our cottage industries is at this moment creating Billy icons suitable for attachment to tepnis shoe ties...if only the SOB would decide on his haircut so we can proceed to rake in the bux.—Ed.)