DRIVE-IN SATURDAY

DRIVE-IN SATURDAY

Pods Vs. Clods

by

Edouard Dauphin

You’ve lost your personality. You’ve become devoid of emotion and thought. You’re a dull, lifeless nerd.

No, you haven’t turned into the title character in The Linda Ronstadt Story. And you haven’t become a demographic statistic in the search for the typical CREEM reader.

You’re just a pod—victim of the Invasion Of The Bpdy Snatcherd, a new horror film that’s about as terrifying as your last case of runny nose.

Originally filmed in 1956, Invasion was a true B-movie classic. Shot in the miracle of black and white, it featured a cast of obscure actors, many of whom never worked again. Talk about unknowns—these bozos didn’t even know each other.

In the new version, everything is bigger and costlier. In 1956, the producer thought twice about ordering a small pizza for the entire crew, but in 1978, no expense was spared. Color, Dolby*sound and actors who are household names—especially if you live at the William Morris Agency.

In the remake, the action has also been relocated from a small California town to San Francisco. Which raises the immediate question: who would notice anyone turning into a pod in San Francisco? Nobody . Except maybe Bill Graham, who would probably sign him /to a recording contract.

Donald Sutherland, fresh from an equally meaningful role in National Lampoon’s Animal House, plays a health food inspector. He delights in finding rat turds in the kitchens of glamorous restaurants. Some people are so picky. Rats have to go, too. Why shouldn’t they go somewhere with a little class? (Remind me not to order the Raisin Supreme at Elaine’s.)

(Speaking of food inspectors, hope they’ve checked out a notorious eating and drinking establishment just a stone’s thrpw from CREEM headquarters in Birnningham. I know it’s notorious because they barred me from entering, and I know it’s a stone’s throw because 1 tried to heave a rock through their front window. Which is to say—another great CREEM Christmas party.) /

Sutherland’s lab assistant; played by Brooke Adams, has a problem—the guy she lives with. While beautiful Brooke lounges around the house in fetching outfits, this jerk watches NBA basketball games on television with earphones. He’d rather gawk at Bill Walton than fool around with Brooke. And that’s when he’s in his normal state! Lately he’s becoming a zonked-out veggy. You may ask: how can Brooke tell? When this geek J crosses over into a zombie, she ought to consider it an improvement.

Instead, she’s alarmed. She goesi to her boss and voices her concern. Sutherland is unsympathetic. Even though the same day he has gone into a Chinese laundry and heard the proprietor confess: “My wife not my wife—she different.” Butthen what does Sutherland care for loss of personality and essence? He’s preoccupied with ring around the collar.

Enter Leonard Nimoy, minus his \ cute pointy ears, as a reassuring psychiatrist. He’s supposed to calm everybody down but he’s about as inspiring as Billy Carter on Ritalin. - -

At a literary party, Nimoy consoles a woman who insists that her husband has changed into another person. Brooke thinks this proves her case, but .Sutherland continues to insist that it’s all a coincidence. Wonder what hd thought of all those Guyana suicides— disgruntled tourists who just happened to be in the same jungle?

Also enter Jeff Goldblum and Veronica Cartwright. Jeff, the geezer who forgot his mantra in Annie Hall, plays a hyperactive radical poet. Veronica is the proprietor of a mudbath establishment. She advocates letting people sit in mud for long periods of time. Lester Bangs languishes in such a mudbath nightly-^-only he calls it his apartment.

Jeff and Veronica have noticed some funny goings-on at her place of business. Strange, otherworldly * creatures who seem to be not fully formed, just on the verge of taking on completely human appearance. One of ’em reminded me of Nick Lowe.

Pretty soon, the pods are / .everywhere and out offheir gooey insides are coming exact robot duplicates of the entire San Francisco population. A whole city being Xeroxed. Which means still another regrouping of Jefferson Starship.

The last half hour is strictly pods vs. clods. The good guys hightail it to the airport but they can’t even get standby. What’s left? Go to Oakland, I suppose. But even pod-hood is preferable to that.

Skip this'film and invade a body stocking instead!