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A CREEM GUIDE TO JUNK FOOD

Life is just a big restaurant of cruelty, and every day they change the menu. One never knows what to expect from the crumbs of life, and that goes double with the stuff we so love to pack our greasy faces with. Theonly sure thing is that if you like it, it's bound to be bad for you.

April 1, 1979
Rick Johnson

ROT YOUR TEETH NOT YOUR MIND

by

Rick Johnson

Life is just a big restaurant of cruelty, and every day they change the menu. One never knows what to expect from the crumbs of life, and that goes double with the stuff we so love to pack our greasy faces with. Theonly sure thing is that if you like it, it's bound to be bad for you.

The question is, is junk food really all that bad? Shit yeah, why do you. think they call it dope? The only reql identifying characteristic all these goodies have is their promise of Nutritional Doom: If the grease and sugar don't get you, the preservatives will.

But there are worse things in life than mere doom and there are definitely two sides to the issue. Let's take a look at the plus and minuses of junk food:

DISADVANTAGES

1. Teeth like Keith Richards

2. Udder-chin

3. Diabetes

4. "Empty-Calories''

5. Invisible plaque

ADVANTAGES

1. Ladies like Anita Pallenberg

2. A. more complete understanding of the cow mind

3. Shoot up whenever you want

4. Ideal for empty minds

5. Better than visible plaque

The Dog Ate It

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