Mail

Mail

Please send letters to: MAIL Dept., CREEM Magazine P.O. Box P-1064, Birmingham, Ml 4801?

THE EARLY IDIOT CATCHES THE WORMS

I am a subscriber to CREEM and have recently received my May’77 copy. In this issue is an excellent record review by Billy Altman on the Iggy and the Stooges album entitled, Metallic K.O. I am very interested in obtaining this album and wondered if you could pass along any information on how to get the album.

Thank you,

Robert Flemino

St. Charles, IL

(Send your Iggy inquiries to the folios at JEM Records, Box 362, South Plainfield, NJ 07080, and they’ll be more than glad to help. —Ed.)

HE’S GOT IT ALL

I red [The preceding and all that follows is SIC!—Ed.] in da April 'll a letter from some dude in Winnemucca, Nevada who sez he wants the Stooges’ The Stooges and Funhouse. Just so happens I’ve got a perfect copy of each, and I’d like to get in touch with one of the few Stooges fans of this world. I’ve also got a bad cassette of Iggy live at the Academy of Music, New Years Eve 73-74, where Kiss did dare first gig of all time. They were fantastic. Gene’s fur caught afire an’ Pete’s stickz exploted after fireing a few fire balls inta da front rows. I was fourth row, spaceing out on mushrooms my friend brought back from the rainforests of deep dark Africa smoken red bud columbo, drinken cokez. That wuz one of the greatest nites of my life. Blue Oyster Cult topped off the show. I hope ya print dis letter so other Stooges’ fans can contact me. I’m. hiding out at:

Chris Aquilino

565 Route 32 North

New Paltz, NY 12561

(Some people just have all the fun.—Ed.)

All right Rick Johnson! Just who the hell do you think you are? I read your review on the Runaways album, Queens of Noise, in the April ish and got really pissed off. I take it you don’t .like them, huh? You’re entitled to your opinion but I think you laid it on just a little too thick. You not only kicked the Runaways in the ass even before they had a chance to get started but you pushed them out of the scene altogether. That isn’t fair you creep. I listened to their music and they’re pretty good. What really got me was your remark, “The whole hype reeks of that age old rock ‘n’ roll maxim—girls are just sissies after all.” As far as I’m concerned Johnson, you can shove it!!

The Party Never Ends,

Betsy Daddona

Prospect, CT

AND FURTHERMORE

The Runaways could learn a thing or two about “Punkism” from Patti Smith! I hope next time they meet, Patti spits in their eyes and Rastafari dances on their pretty little bellies!

Brat is to Punk what McKuen is to Rimbaud! The Runaways are brats.

Mary Alice Ramel

Chicago, IL

(In sum; what happened to the good old days when everyone was content with complaining about the injustices of comparing Elton John to Grand Funk?—Ed.)

FORTUNES TOLD AND ANSWERS QUESTIONED

Please answer the following questions:

1. My brother insists that the main difference betwen Circus writers and CREEM writers is that Circus use the phrase “avant-garde” when they can’t categorize something. Is this true?

2. Is Emerson, Lake & Palmer dead?

3. Does John Denver have glaucoma?

4. Does Billy Altman write the Christgau Consumer Guide?

5. Does Gene Simmons have a false tongue?

6. What really causes the “Greasies’7

7. Is Johnny Rotten really all that rotten?

8. Am I probably going to lose your readers’ interest at about this time? (If so, the next one will grab ’em.)

9. Amongst the staff of CREEM, who has the sexiest legs?

Sincerely,

Scott S.

Cairo, IL

(2. Absolutely. We believe that writers should avoid using words they cannot smell. 2. Don’t you wish? 3. Ditto. 4. No, he just corrects the spelling errors. 5. Nah, but his shoes wear dentures. 6. Too many Big Macs. 7. Yes. 8. More than likely. [That’s at best a rebuttable presumption.] 9. Charley Auringer.—Ed.)

i

THE CHRISTGAU CRUCIFICTION

I been reading yer shabby excuse fer a rag since 1970. It was uphill all the way, until the day when Robert Christgau arrived. But rather than allow one writer to ruin an otherwise fine mag, 1 decided to simply skip him and his wimp caterwaulings entirely. And judging from your also fine Letters column, so did everyone else.

All of which is fine and swell, until you get to his 1967 synopsis in which old Bob proves once and for all what an incompetent boob he really is by voicing out to loyal CREEM readers on a topic he entered the picture to us a good four years later. Christgau is musically illiterate. And no amount of his strained, journalistic perfection can hide the fact. Morrison may have sounded like an asshole like Bobbles wrote, but he certainly never wrote

like one. As far as 1967_it was magic. It did

matter. And for that it still does. He does not. I won’t bump into your memories, bunky Bob, but doncha tell us what ours should be.

I’ve had it with your shit professor. You show your pale pocked east coast mug in L.A. (after putting down the Doors who to this day get more airplay than Sgt. Pepper and Satanic Majesties combined) and we’ll break your limp knuckles. Your existence in general and your style in specific contradict the very meaning of rock ‘n’ roll, so who the fuck are you to even remark, let alone criticize da proverbial bomp?

Take out your eyes,

John Rock L.A., CA

(Ever since Christgau’s anal-assessment of Morrison, he has received more hate mail than Robert Duncan, which is what he really wanted all along. —Ed.) We heard that Steven Tyler stuck his head out of a bus last month and got beat to death by his lips. Is this true?

WHIP IT OUT

Sincerely,

Keith Moon Fan Club (Mental Organization Of Nuts)

Walters, OK

(No, but he did inadvertently serve as a ‘Banana Chopper On Wheels’ to one astounded hitchhiker.—Ed.)

GET RIGHT WITH THE RAMONES AND YOU’LL GET RIGHT WITH GOD I am writing you to ask you to continue to give the Ramones good reviews, because I’ve dedicated my life to them. 1 saw them about six months ago and it may sound silly, but when their set was just notes away from ending, I saw God. I’m not kidding! Since then I’ve printed “Ramones” on all my clothes, have written “Ramones” on hundreds of walls and sidewalks, put “Ramones” bu mperstickers on cars and even got a large “Ramones” tattoo on my chest (and broke up with my girlfriend because she wouldn’t do the same).

I know I won’t be able to stop my actions until the Ramones headline concerts all over the world (including the Soviet Union). So, please, I beg you, don’t say anything bad about the Ramones, because in the long run it may mean my life. Mike Murphy Huntington Beach, CA

(How could anyone say anything bad about the Ramones, even though your life may be subject to unrelenting abuse? By the way, what was God wearing? Lisa wants to know. — Ed.)

BLINDED BY THE PLIGHT Having been a fan of Blue Oyster Cult for many years, I was very surprised to finally see them get recognition in your Reader’s Poll. Although I strongly believe they deserve this recognition;,the fact that their lead guitarist, Buck Dharma, was not even mentioned among the top guitarists shows me that those who voted for BOC don’t know much about them.

Larry Sarver Berkeley, CA

(It just shows us that too many of the reader? polled gazed directly into BOC’s laser; blinding themselves to little Bucky’s boogie pickings. — Ed.)

THE AMERICANIZATION OF UHELSZKI Dear Tattoo (Ed?) Vampire:

Should 1 go so far as telling you, that you suck, or would that be too obvbus, but your letter of February ’77 telling me to get an American name made my mother cry, who originally dubbed me Galaxie-XL-500 after one of those Motor City models made popular at the time of my conception (or in the backseat of said model?). Only after much duress during my formative years did she allow me to alter the moniker to Jaan Uhelszki, which is as American as glumpky (which is spelled just like it tastes).'

Yours, for as long as it takes,

Jaan Uhelszki Beverly Hills, CA

ALEGALTERM OF FART Ramone (as in The Ramones) comes from a French word, Ramoneur, which means chimney-sweep. Does that have some bearing on their case?

Asst. D.A.

The Big G NYC, NY

(It could shift the burden of pouf. —Ed.) Shame on you CREEM magazine for repeatedly neglecting one of the most critical components of the rock ‘n’ roll saga: the cat. That’s right, I said the cat. Aside from being cute, adorable, agile, beautiful, intelligent, and affectionate, these purring balls of fur of all sizes and temperaments have without a doubt monumentally influenced the course of rock. Just a brief listing of the many songs written about felines will boggle the mind:

CAT OF NINE TALES

Laura Nyro—“The Cat Song”

Fabian—“I’m Like a Tiger”

Tom Jones—“What’s New Pussycat”

King Crimson—“Cat Food”

Norme Tenega—“Me and My Cat Named Dog”

The Eagles—“Lion Eyes”

The Rolling Stones—“Stray Cat Blues”

The Living Strings—“Born Free”

Now take a glance, if you will, at some of the finestrock musicians of all time: Ashley (“Tyger”) Hutchings, Southside Johnny Lyon, and of course, the greatest guitarist ever, Steve Katz. And please don’t forget Neil Young whose meow-singing has inspired multitudes.

Now that A1 Stewart’s “Year of the Cat” has just gone # 1 with a bullet there’s just no excuse for you people to neglect this vital element of rock any longer. Face it, CREEM, this is the year of the cat.

Lee O. Pard Newark, NJ

(Rightio, as Felix might say, but we still think it’s been much too long since you’ve cleaned your litter box. —Ed.)

BOY HOWDY! IS A BEER WITHOUT A HEAD

I donno watsa matta wid yous guys dere at CREEM Magazine. I mean, ya put down da Runaways and Queen an all dose bad guys who shouidda been shipped out when David JoHanson took off his dress. An you even got Billy Altman (nice guy, dat Billy, useta work atta bookstore wid anodda great rocks and rolls writa) who knows dat Iggy Pop is god and dat we’d be Grateful if da Dead, died.

So what I wanna know is what’s dis shit bout puttin’ Queen on da cova of a magazine wid Iggy in it. And ya put Kiss "(who’re as .punky as Rod McKuen at Carnegie Hall, and only half as much fun) on da cova of an issue wid Television in it. Yob giz can do betta den dat. Why doncha get a step ahead of Rock Scene and put Lisa Robinson’s picha on da cova of yer magazine?

How bout a cova story on safety-pin fashions? Dat wud be a foist! I’m sure dat dere’s lotsa places people can put dose tings dat Johnny Rotten neva even thought of.

Maybe you gize should look inta a copy of a local New Yawk papa and see what’s goin on here in da centa of da universe.

Look yoo guys, talk to Billy Altman who should know betta. Put da Ramones on da front cova. Write some stuff about John Cale and da crew. Read da Greenwich Village News. Den yoo’d hava good rrfagazine. ,

Queen’s about as innerestin as a Wisk commercial. Ya gotta start again. Dis is 1977 and new bats beat clean!

Tell Billy Hello,

Mykel Board N.Y.C., NY

(Rat-on, Myk! Thanks for the suggestions and congrats, too, since it looks like you are recovering rather well from your recent frontal. —Ed.) We’re getting sick of your so-called magazine cutting down everything and everyone. We think it’s about time someone cut you down so here we are to do it. Half the time your articles don’t make sense at all. Your magazine is a bunch of B.S. and a big put-on. You just cut down everybody, but without them to write about you wouldn’t have anything.

TURN TO PAGE 88.

CONTINUED FROM PAGE 12.

STOP YOUR GRINNIN* AND DROP YOUR LINEN

Pam Zeller and Wendy Berry

Lansing, MI

(You’re right, without the rock stars we wouldn’t have anything; but where would that leave you?—Ed.)

THE WALRUS WAS KITTY-RAT

I’m writing about a rumor going around my school; people have been saying that Peter Criss, drummer for the great rock group Kiss, died from an overdose of drugs. Can you tell me if this is true?

Your *1 Kiss fan

Brian Johnson

Muscle Shoals, AL

P.S. Have more on Kiss.

(Play “Beth”backwards at 78rpm and you’ll hear Ace Frehley whisper, “The Bat shaved the Cat, the Bat shaved the Cat,” right after the second chorus.—Ed.)