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MAIL Dept., CREEM Magazine P.O. Box P-1064, Birmingham, Ml 48012

BANGS TO NATURE: DROP DEAD! Concerning Lester Bangs' "John Denver is God." What an absurd piece of criticism! A very pretentious, pseudo-intellectual & illogical bit of nonsense.

The essence of Lester Bangs' (What can you expect with a name like this — undoubtedly one of the spindly-legged, pimple-faced indoor types) remarks is this:

He is sensitive to the stink of cities & city mentalities. To sing of the computer or refuse heap is good — to sing of the beauty of nature is evil.

This cutesy bit of illogic is put forward as if it is deep thinking — but anyone can see through this.

If this is true to Lester Bangs it is because his spindly little legs have never carried him into nature. He is so depressed because of his name that he hates the-sunlight and anyway it makes his pimples pink and the wind messes his thin and frizzy hair — the only times that sunlight has brought tears to his eyes is when he forgets to cover his myopic red-rimmed little eyeballs with sunglasses —

He is one of the spiritually dead — mocking the fire of life in a beautiful soul.

John Denver does not pretend to be God. That he is successful can be said of Mick Jagger, Bruce Springsteen or Patti Smith. They are also beautiful souls because of the depth & sincerity of the feelings they express.

To catalog the words out of context of the songs & away from the feeling of the artist is totally meaningless criticism.

Mr. Bangs dislikes music of nature. But loves the computer (i.e. Kraftwerk). How weird.

I and thousands more appreciate John's efforts & we forgive him his shortcomings — as we all have a few. 1 can even forgive Lester Bangs his name — but can he. Start loving yourself Lester & then maybe love won't seem "like a bunch of hippie crap."

Tom Stront

Morongo Valley, Ca.

(That remark about Lester's eyeballs was totally uncalled for, fella — everyone knows Lester doesn't have eyes, he has antennae. — Ed. "I am resentful unto mortification of you both for impugning my sensitivity. I love nature as long as I get to slit the shrinkwrap and John Denver would be okay by me if he would only sing in Spanish like the Captain & Tennille." — Lester.)

HYPERGLYCEMIACS UNITE!

Having read my new Creamer I'm feeling like eternity in Tacoma with a 31 flavors (Baskin & Robbins) coupon to celebrate. Gosh what would I do without you "neaties."

Thanx again,

Poopzie

Bellevue, Washington (Sounds like you might feel better. — Ed.)

CRUEL & UNUSUAL

First I'd like to say thanx for limiting the bullshit in your magazine to advertisements. I like it so much that I rip it off whenever I get the change, but I usually wind up paying for it. My Mama likes it, too, except she only rips it off.. .from me. She didn't like the cover of the Jan. 76 issue that glowed "John Denver Is God!" When you're a religious fanatic that's blasphemy. So when I wasn't home she did a naughty sneaky & took a year & a half's worth's CREEM Magazines along with some choice High Times mags. Too bad, huh. But that's not what I wanted to tell you.

Just listenin to some AM D. J. right now when he said, "Ya knovO, hell must be a place with no music" and then immediately some Neil Sedaka song comes on & I thought, "Ya know, hell must be a place with Neil Sedaka." That's all. Do what you want.

from L.A.

Dave

(Your mother'll know soon enough. — Ed.)

WITTGENSTEIN GOES DISCO What is the difference between Lou Reed's Metal Machine Music and Iannis Xenaki's Bohor I, Jackson Pollock and a five-year-old with a crayon, Le Sacre Du Printemps and Raw Power, Andy Warhol and your local supermarket, Gertrude Stein and Patti Smith, ultrationality and I-Ching, IBM-360 and Bob Dylan, Vito Acconci and John Agar, and William S. and Edgar Rice? The difference is: Definition, the critics choice.

Thank you,

Pylorus Acetylcholine

P.S. Critjcs are artists, too; polarity is nonexistent, except for the polarity between existence and non-existence which only occurs when Alfred North Whithead peeks around the comer. (If you say so. — Ed.)

IT HELPS TO BE AMBIDEXTROUS

I wanna be a righter for CREEM Wadda I do?

K.M.

San Francisco .

_ (Do like Lefter Bangs. — Ed.)

ON INTEGRITY

You wanna know who was the best goddamn Beatle? Huh? It was Stuart Sutcliffe, that's who. He was the only one with pure decadence. As a matter of fact, he was the most decadent rock 'n' roll star to ever live. Look at the facts, Clyde:

1. Look at those shades he always wore, he was the only Beatle with style.

2. He had a avant garde photographer for a girlfriend so he would have the best pictures.

3. He quit the Beatles before they gained fame, and not after like that weak-kneed Brian Jones did with the Stones.

4. And although Brian may have been getting into some strange music, it couldn't come close to Stu with his back to the audience (and even Paul copied that on Sgt. Pepper but it was too late then, Stu had already given us the message).

Next month: Why George had Pete Best throw out of the Beatles!

I am he as you are he as you are

Don Fleming

Clintwood, Va.

(Allen Klein's always been my man. — Ed.)

Q.E.D. '

I have seen the present of rock and roll and his name is Brian Eno. Why do I write this? Because all those other names connected with big time rock are actually .pseudonyms adopted by Eno. That's right — Eno is Springsteen and Pity Smith. Hard to believe? Consider the circumstances: Springsteen and Eno both wear hats: Patti and Eno are built the same; Patti and Eno both write songs about piss; Eno claims to have no idea of song construction technique — Patti and Bores Springsteen prove they don't; New Jersey is right next to England. Get the picture? Springsteen and Smith don't really exist — they are Eno in disguise. He used to be Three Dog Night. Their hit song "One" is Eno spelled backwards. Well, I guess it is clear to everyone now. Next month I'll explain how Edgar Winter is really James Brown and how Lisa Robinson gets in all those pictures in Rock Scene.

Stately Wayne Manor

Media Rare Productions

Darlings of the Philadelphia Underground (Maybe you can explain why there are no Puerto Rican astronauts. — Ed.)

THE LATEST BACKLASH

Dear Cheap Thrillseekers,

I've heard Patti Smith's album and can certify that she is not God either. What she seems to be is the NY critics' revenge for the Bay City Rollers. How else can you explain such praise for a walking caricature of a beatnik poet with Yoko Ono's melodic gift and Bette Midler's tits. Her imagery is all secondrhand Hendrix, Morrison, and Burroughs and the band is just plain bad.

I thank the critics for bringing us Springsteen, but this character should stay in those dimly-lit, decadent-chic dubs where such nonsense js appreciated.

Justus Frootz

Citrus County, Fla.

(You got it all wrong. Patti loves your oranges. - Ed.)

TURN TO PAGE 74.

CONTINUED FROM PAGE 8.

MORE CASUALTIES

Dear Hit Parader,

I want to accept Lou Reed's apology for Metal Machine Music. It takes a big man to admit when he screws up.

A struggling superstar (Lou: " .")

PORTRAIT OF THE ARTIST AS A FIRE HYDRANT

The article on Jethro Tull in your January 1976 issue, "Naked Came the Codpiece" by Mongo Genheimer, left me totally nauseated.

Ian Anderson is one of the most talented people in the music field today. As a musician and a poet, I personally rank him in the genius category. Of course, Mr.'Genheimer does not have to agree with my opinion of Mr. Anderson. However, it is totally inexcusable to write an article of this obviously low caliber. Not only was the article rude and insulting, hut it verged on complete illiteracy. I found that Mr. Genheimer, through the use of his bizarre vocabulary, and an obviously sarcastic attitude was trying to cover up the fact that he knows nothing about Jethro Tull. Why does your magazine assign someone who knows nothing about the group to write an article on Ian Anderson? There was ovbiously no research done on Mr. Genheimer's part.

Under the picture of a shocked looking Ian Anderson was the caption: "Many returning Viet vets report a similar syndrome." At first glance this may appear to be humorous, but in the light of the subsequent article I can only interpret it as another one of the ridiculous jabs Genheimer directed toward Anderson.

Regarding this article: Someone must be kidding!

Yours truly,

Ms. Carolynn Eve Holmes

Ithaca, NY

(Yeah, Ian Anderson. — Ed. "Barbie doll ballerinas with taco shell tu-tus! Of, is there alliteration after Angola?" — Mongo.)