MAIL

MAIL

Please send letters to:

MAIL Dept., CREEM Magazine P.O. Box P-1064, Birmingham, Ml 48012

LEGHEADS

We got a fantastic idea!

Guy watching has come of age, so us down in the basement decided to start a poll on who has the best legs in the business.

We would appreciate you wonderful people at CREEM to help spread the word to all the great CREEM readers. Would ya help by printing this letter?

Fonda&Kim

Boogie Basement

Chardon. Ont.

P.S. We heard the rumor that the Kiss dudes take on their groupies in full make-up. Just wondering.

HAIR RAZING

Is it true that Jim Dandy really stuffs? Also, is that a hairpiece he wears on his chest? The rumor is going strong these days that Jim as a child was dropped on his throat and that's why he sings so good(?).

Have you noticed the misprint on Grand Funk's new album? It should say "All the Girls in the World Don't Care!"

Well, we gotta go now and get us some pucks at White Castle, used to go to Elliots in Lyons but they don't give away moose turds no more. Hugs and kisses,

Chrissy and Patty Cicero and Chicago

P.S. Do you know where we can buy a hair off of Elton's chest ? Or does he have hair anyplace else he wants to sell?

(He already sold it to Jim Dandy. - Ed.)

RIPPING OFF ELTSPEET

Concerning the Profile of Elton John, the hair I bought from (for $7.50) him was supposed to be a pubic hair not from his chest!

Zelda Crump Newport News, Va.

(Sucker. - Ed.)

YOU GOTTA HAVE BENDS

JEEZ I'm sorry Lester. I wouldq read yr article on bowie, but somebody stole my 10 foot pole, the invisible lady (and gabrile 2)

POEM TO DAVID BOWIE

Why do you all say that Bowie's a fag?

A fag who dresses queer?

For even though he may dress in drag his music is great to hear.

His lyrics are best.

And with his music and his MIND none compare. So Elton couldn't even take the test,

And Todd would be laid bare.

He's so far ahead of his time.

And should be quite proud.

So, something quite nice is mine, especially when the music is loud.

Don't put him down, hear his great sound!

Not into production, does not mean destruction.

For a while he'd just like to play with his band, So take it with a smile, and GIVE HIM YOUR HAND!

THOUGH I MAY BE JUST A FAN,

BOWIE IS MY MAINMAN!

By Celia Grossblatt Manhattan, N.Y.

(Thank you, Celia; you just made us break down and cry. - Ed.)

GLITTER TOT

I do not want no album, but one thing i want is David Bowie's adress because I have to send him an important letter. Please, please try to get it if you can I am 10 and David Bowie is fantastic, i watch him on tv i stayed up 1:30 Just to watch him sing, if you get the adress send to Cheryl Barish Bulger P.A.

P.S. my brother gets rock books he has 25 and David Bowie is in all of them and he is Far-out (You can write to David care of H. Rap Brown, Riker's Island, N.Y., N.Y. - Ed.)

FEUD FOR THOUGHT This is getting to be a classic series, the BangsReed fight. Firstly it's a black-white contrast: Bangs, the journalist, who tells the truth even when it makes him look bad & slips in great repartee only to admit that he didn't think of it till afterward VERSUS Reed, the artist, who lies regularly, and says dumb things without having to worry because everyone realizes there's some sort of underlying Andy Warhol esthetic that makes these comments actually very clever. And, to keep up the interest, Reed loses the first one; Bangs drops, the second. You told me you were both equally drunk for the first encounter, but you come off brilliantly, Lester, compared to the pathetic lush Lou Reed. Plus you just hinted. thatTrans/ormer wasn't exactly.what you had in mind, whereas in Bout II you call Sal/y "a crappy platter." This time Lou was in control while you looked to be making unreasonable demands ("be the Lou Reed / want!") and drunk besides. Very clever and I'm looking forward to your knockout of Lou in about a year and a half. I also liked it because it was long (rare in CREEM these days) & because I like anything about Lou.

By the way, did you write that Rama on "L.A. Blues"? You know very well that won't be a Top 40 hit, even if it did get airplay on some DetroitWindsor station. Neither will the Dolls, but I figure without some pushing they won't even get to do another album. I push people I like; would you rather I not mention CREEM to anyone?

Mark Jenkins Washington, D.C.

(How were we supposed to know "L.A. Blues" was gonna break on the country stations? - Ed.)

TRUTH SEEKER'S CORNER

I have looked all over creation and even New Jersey for Lou Reed's Lou Reed Sings Gilbert O'Sullivan, but it still eludes me. Every time the clerks in the store snicker and point at me. I'm so desperate that at this point I'd even settle for the 45. Give me a break Steve Harvey Wilmington, Delaware

P.S. I have another suggestion for cock rings. Ms. Robinson could get one for her neck and suspend herself with one end of the rope tied to the ring and the other to a rafter.

STILL WONDERING WHICH ONE OF US WAS THE FOOL

After readin' the Lou Reed record review (Feb.) I was absolutely shocked! Between outbursts of laughter and stunned silence I managed to call up three disc shops. One of them was the Wherehouse, another Tower Records and the third ya wouldn't know if I told ya.

Well, I asked in my most serious although a bit dazed voice if there was in existence a Lou Reed disc called Lou Reed Sings Gilbert O'Sullivan? I' can only describe the response on the other end of the phone as hysterical laughter, in all three responses. The Wherehouse is a fairly large and worthy record shop and Tower Records is supposed to be one of the biggest record stores in the world (or something like that) So PUHLEEZE TELL ME WHO'S CRAZY and if it's not you and it's not the record stores then it must mean I imagined the whole thing and am in fact warped (I've suspected all along). Which must be the result from listening to too many Lou Reed albums (or maybe David Bowie, right Lester?) Let me know.

Fantasia

L.A., Ca.

EUREKA

Hey, guess what record I just discovered: Berlin, by Lou Reed. Yeah I'd heard it before but it never quite made it. Now late at night when Sally Can't Dance and Chelsea Girls are too up, I put it on -great record, and now it's in cutout! Don't worry about 'em cracking down on Valium kidz - Berlin's just $1.99 and you can re-use it!

Hope this helps.

Herb Glossolalia

Alexandria, Va. Va.

(Are you Leonard Cohen? - Ed.)

BEYOND FAITHFUL READERSHIP Somethings wrong with me Can't get you out of my mind I see your face in everything I do. It feels like I've known You for a long, long time, I only want to make it with you.

Something in your eyes that just won't let me forget you. Something in your face that keeps me hanging around you. Something got a hold of me the day that I met you.

(Hope I'm not trying to sound forward)

My address is:

Terri Lee

(This part censored. - Ed.)

Dalton. Georgia

(Are you Laura Nyro? - Ed.)

JONESED OUT

You may think I'm a little strange at first, but I'm getting desperate 'cause I've been looking all over for this info and I can't find it anywhere, so I thought you might be able to help. My problem: when Brian Jones of the Rolling Stones died, what happened to all his clothes and jewelry and stuff? I'm kind of a fan of his, and I was wondering if it would be possible for me to buy an article that belonged to him, such as a chain or a bracelet or something. If so, how? Where and who would I write to? Please print this letter and give me a halfway decent answer, okay?

Rochelle Hamilton

Farmington Hills, Mich.

(How about one of Anita Pallenberg's teeth? - Ed.)

STRANDED AT THE CROSSROADS

I used to be heterosexual, but when this glitter-fag rock came along I went g&y. After all, I didn't want people to think I was "weird" or anything; I didn't want to be accused of not being a "team player." Those platform shoes were murder at first but after a while the swelling went down enough so that I could hobble around. I died my hair a conservative shade of orange (I didn't want my parents to get suspicious). I bought only the kinky (i.e. the most fashionable) outfits. With my green lipstick, hair teased, and glitter in my navel, I was (I am told) a very attr#:tive drag queen. I bought albums by David Bowie, the. New York Dolls, John Denver, and Lou Reed. I was respected; I was loved.

TURN TO PAGE 80

CONTINUED FROM PAGE 10

Now you say that glitter is on its way out, but you don't say what is on the way in. What am I to do? Who am I?

Very truly yours.

Jack B. Nimble

F.S. Would any of your readers be interested in buying used rock paraphernalia? 50's, early 60's, surfing, folkie, C&W, acid rock, Southern music, superfly, glitter rock and more: I have all the equipment you need.

P.S.S. Is Paul McCartney really dead?

(Don 't worry, we have it on good authority that being an apathetic burn-out is gonna be even bigger this year, supplanting glitter. Just stop trying to do anything and you'll automatically hit the vanguard. Paul McCartney never existed in the first place. - Ed.)

DONT KNOCK THE FOGHAT I just purchased a recent issue from the local Licorice Pizza here in town and I noticed hidden away in the last few pages is a statement that reads, "Wanted for impersonating musicians. Dead or Dead. No reward." I then noticed that they were talking about Foghat. Now if I were a Jesus freak, I would say: E.C., 1 love you, God loves you. God forgives you for writing such a thing about such a GREAT GROUP. But since I'm not a Jesus freak and just an X-rated atheist, I say this: Guys like you should be nailed up by the balls, and if you hear a ticking in your mailbox, you better call the bomb squad.

(P S. There's a contract out on your grandmother).

R. De Piazza

Costa Mesa, Ca. ,

DEAD WARD

What the hell is this Ed Ward on Deep Purple shit? Wots he know about Deep Purple? Wots he know about Slade? Everybody knows all he does is sit around his Marin living room playing Asleep at the Wheel albums & sniffing the upholstery. You can tell that saccharin-e^ss that if he ever shows his face around here, he's gonna leave with it looking like a SHOVEL, bloody sockets,

Afce French Deaddonkeyville. III.

AW SHUCKS DEPT.

I've been wanting to write you for some time and have finally gotten around to it.

I want to tell you that I enjoy your magazine and why. It's very simple actually. It's the honesty. You make the other rock publications look silly. It's very simple actually. It's the honesty. You I want to tell you that I enjoy your magazine and why. It's very simple actually. It's the honesty. You make the other rock publications look silly. So many of them act like they are on record company payrolls or something. Every album that comes out. regardless of the slop that's on it, is "a milestone!,'' "fantastic," "the next Beatles!" I've heard so much propaganda that words like that just go in one ear and out the other.

That's precisely what I like about CREEM. You've got guts. No matter how big a name the performer is, when he puts out a shitty album, CREEM tells it like it is. VA/.ith all the lousy music being released these days, that amounts to a lot of bad reviews, but so be it. Your magazine makes the others look like amateurs. None of the trivial politics of Rolling Stone, and none of the record company propaganda of C/rcus or Hit Parader. Keep up the good work,

Sincerely yours,

Jerry Dirkx

P.S. I enjoy the articles on Frank Zappa. You are one of the few magazines who don't ignore him.

_n_

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