Crème de la CREEM sounds pretty yummy, right? Like some sort of delightful French custard, maybe with a little bit of whipped topping to finish ’er off? Served up in an ice-cold silver bowl? That said, if you think about it, CREEM is a dirty and disgusting bunch of schlubs like myself and Lester Bangs—no one is looking for advice on anything outside of records. Like life advice. Or especially hygiene advice. We’ve got people on staff who run marathons and shit, but I’m the one choosing these bands and writing about them. So now that you know a thing or six about the wizard behind the curtain, this section takes on a whole new meaning. Still, I assure you, these are some of the best new bands! But first, a quick disclaimer: We cannot and will not endorse any band’s washing frequency or efficacy. Just their songs, m'kay?

MICHAEL YOUNKER