HOW NOT TO BE A ROCK CRITIC

By now you must know it—Lester Bangs’ immortal treatise on “How to Be a Rock Critic” that was explained in nauseating detail by Philip Seymour Hoffman in Almost Famous. It’s a mantra that every music journalist/critic the world over knows so well, and yet somehow in this information age EVERYONE BREAKS THESE RULES. Hell, even Lester broke ’em.

So it seems there is no better time than now to not only reiterate the importance of that piece, which appeared in The Boston Phoenix under the title “Famous Rock Critics School: Test Your Talent” in 1973, but also to double down and add in some crucial details. In order to do so, we roped in none other than Jeff Tweedy of Wilco, an interview vet if there ever was one, to help us outline what we like to call some rules on “How NOT to Be a Rock Critic,” using some of his own experiences as guidelines. Also some of our own, apparently.

Going into this endeavor, Jeff Tweedy was concerned about looking like “the biggest asshole in the world.” I mean, after all, he was essentially creating a list of grievances on par with Festivus at the Costanza household. But trust us, many of our experiences with him have been more than fair AND in this specific case he was insanely accommodating AND he got the rare chance to add thoughts to a piece and change its tone. You’ll see.

Anyway, we’d like to apologize in advance...but then again, no one ever accused us of being professional! Especially since we had to re-interview him to make sure we got it right. Then again, doesn’t that just mean we’re double-right?

BRING A FUCKING WORKING RECORDER
For some reason during our Q&A the record function on Zoom shit the bed. Don’t be an embarrassment like Fred—bring an extra recorder. Jeff concurs:

“You’re not going to believe me when I tell you this, but one of the things I was going to tell you to tell a reporter is to make sure that their recorder works.”

COME ORIGINAL BUT NOT TOO ORIGINAL
Every artist hates to answer the same bland, obvious questions over and over like they’re reliving their own hellish version of Groundhog Day, wishing someone would ask something a little more thoughtful, provocative, or even challenging. But sometimes that wish comes wearing a long scarf and a beret—a bit too outre.

“One time I was in a hotel in...I think it was in Hamburg, doing a series of interviews about our new record at the time, I think it was Summerteeth. This journalist walks in with a scarf, a snifter of brandy, and a cigarette, looking very French with what I think was his girlfriend. She plops down on one of the couches, acting bored. He takes the seat in front of me, takes a long drag of his cigarette, squints at me through the smoke, and says, ‘I will not discuss music. It is boring.’ I was like, ‘That’s why I’m here. I flew here to talk about music.’ I don’t remember the rest of the interview, but it might have been the most interesting way to start one.”

BE ON TIME
Everybody has a clock everywhere, on your phone, laptop, TV, iPad—everywhere you look there’s something. No one has time to wait on you, especially someone who is giving you their time.

“I’m always early.”

YOU HAVE ONE JOBDO IT AND DO IT WITH CARE
We get it, we’re in a gig economy and everyone is juggling and has to wear 100 hats and has to be somewhere all the time. But if you’re somewhere to do a specific job, then do that job and don’t conflate it with whatever else you’re doing. No one cares, and your subject is there to do that one job as well. And frankly, you’re both lucky to be in the position you are right now, so take it seriously and do it with some enthusiasm. Also, no one wants to hear your demo, dude.

“I had a short stint at trying to be a music critic. I interviewed Stiv Bators, Rain Parade, and a few other people, but I never really got around to transcribing the interviews. Also probably shouldn’t have tried to give them my demo tapes afterwards. I don’t know if I can articulate exactly what the breach of protocol is in giving somebody a demo tape, but it does feel sort of like a therapist asking their patient out on a date or something.”

“I don’t have a lot of patience for anybody in any area of this business acting like it’s a job. I mean, I get that it’s a job. I get that it can be hard. I get that there are good days and bad days. But I still hold on to this childish belief that being anywhere near music—talking about music, being around music, being involved in forming or putting on a show—any aspect of it is better than 90 percent of the world’s occupations.”

Also see RULE NO. 1, Fred.

DON’T MAKE A SCENE
Don’t draw arty attention to yourself as a journalist. Just git ’er dun and get out of there. And although Jeff chalks this up to youthful ignorance and exuberance, don’t bring your homie to the interview unless he wants to get stabbed.

“Stiv Bators, when I interviewed him, he was in the band Lords of the New Church, and Brian James was in that band—he was sleeping in the other room at the time. I took my friend with me who didn’t really care about interviews or anything like that but was a fan. Stiv Bators gave my friend a switchblade to play with and he dropped it and it stuck in his leg. It was, like, in his thigh just a little bit. Stiv told him it was the same kind of switchblade he gave Sid Vicious before he killed Nancy.”

ALWAYS BE PREPARED AND DO YOUR RESEARCH, BECAUSE THEY MIGHT BE INVESTIGATING YOU
Research, research, research—and read some Jeff Tweedy interviews. A lot of Jeff Tweedy interviews. Be forewarned: Jeff Tweedy takes his rock journalism very seriously. So, prior to your tete-a-tete with him, he is out there googling you, reading your latest screeds and rants, and figuring out your moves. That dry Midwestern wit leaves scars.

“I find it interesting when an interviewer hasn’t done their research because, before we talk, I’m researching them and reading their articles.”

“They should read some of my interviews so they know what they’re getting into. That way they can get some of the basic questions out of the way. Like how old are you? Do you have children? Where did the band’s name come from?”

DON’T ASK REALLY STUPID QUESTIONS IF YOU CAN HELP IT
Usually Jeff is the most tolerant of interviewees, relegating his “real” answers to thought balloons. “I know sometimes people get nervous, and I get that. I don’t need to take someone to task for asking stupid questions. I’m not going to say there are no stupid questions, but still...”

“I was recently interviewed by someone, I forget who it was. But the question that I got from this person was 'Do you still listen to any music from high school?’ I was like, ‘Are you kidding? I never stopped.’”

“I was asked if famous people are different from the rest of us. I answered, 'Yeah, they’re more famous.’”

“The other day I was in San Francisco and someone came up to me on the street and asked me, 'Are you in town?’ Yes, I am actually in town.”

BE FRIENDLY BUT NOT A CREEP
We get it, listening to records can make you THINK that you know the people who made them. And yes, those records can sometimes be deeply personal. But also remember that these are the feelings that they have opted to share with you, so at the end of the day, you don’t know the full story from your subject. So keep it on task.

“They should not ask to buy me a beer. I was in rehab 19 years ago, it was in all the papers.”

IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU, IT’S ABOUT ME
It’s totally okay to use examples in your life as part of a point, but guess what: This isn’t about you. So please, for the love of Lester, keep it on track. Capisce?

“I don’t mind when a journalist talks about themselves. If it’s a conversation, it requires some back-and-forth for it to feel natural. I think that’s good. But...there are a lot of interviews where people talk and talk and talk and you don’t ever really get to a question. I think that’s a nerves thing.”

NO QUESTION IS TOO PERSONAL
Unlike most musicians of his caliber, Jeff Tweedy does not pivot. There is seemingly nothing offlimits, and he tries his best not to duck any question, even the ones about his family and former addictions.

“It’s hard for me to think of a question that would be too personal. I mean, I know that there are some, but no one’s ever had the audacity. My philosophy for a long time now has been full disclosure and almost a radical type of honesty in answering the questions and allowing yourself to be completely transparent. My motto is 'Leave them wanting less.’”

BE CONVERSATIONAL
Regular conversational etiquette doesn’t just get thrown out the window because you’re talking to a musician. Act like a human being and react like one during your interview.

“A German interviewer who didn’t give me any feedback; instead, after I answered something he sat there with his arms folded and said, ‘Yes,’ and nothing else. That’s probably a cultural, translatinga-second-language kind of syntax thing.”

DON’T TRY TO BULLY YOUR WAY INTO A GOOD INTERVIEW
Be confrontational if you need to, but don’t use that as a default setting. Poking the bear is a way to get a reaction, but it’s not a good way to get repeated answers—you are there to ask several questions, not one super spicy one and watch the fireworks.

“When the interviewer wants to have a real encounter and thinks that means not complimenting me on the current album, instead saying something like 'This one really missed the mark,’ as if that is a 'real’ encounter. They think I’m always being complimented on our records. I like a considered assessment and to hear what people think. After the record is done, I send it out into the world, so it’s no longer mine.”

BE CONFIDENT BUT NOT CONTRARIAN OR CONFRONTATIONAL
Acting smart makes you look dumb—not to mention annoying.

“When rock criticism turns itself into Artforum—this desire to only be discoverable to the select few that have the correct education—that seems wildly inconsistent with the task at hand. You don’t need to have a dictionary to read a rock review. And I wanna add one thing: There are words that rock critics should never use anymore. My wife has a list of these she used to collect, like 'stalwart,’ 'perennial,’ and 'from the ashes.’”

REMEMBER, MUSIC IS WHAT THEY DO BEST
Interviews suck, and for the most part they are done by imbeciles (again, No. 1). Imagine having to play nice with a procession of simpletons, dolts, and boneheaded morons over and over again with a smile on your face. So ask questions that are smart and are going to engage them, and they’ll engage right back.

“The only part of this life that feels like a job is doing interviews. Of course, that all depends on their technique.”

We close up shop a second time (thanks again, Fred) by checking a couple last quotes and exchanging some pleasantries. Laughing snarkily, Jeff looks back at his answers and says, “This is not cool. I don’t know why I agreed to this.” Jaan clarifies that because we are working on this together and because of our screwup, “you have the rare opportunity to change the tone of an article. So go for it.”

Chuckling, he fires back with a smile: “So you ARE admitting I’m gonna come across as an asshole in the article?”

We have an idea, but you decide!

Wilco’s incredible new LP Cousin is out now via dBpm Records. It’s the band’s 13th album, recorded in 2023 and produced by none other than Cate Le Bon. Listen to it carefully and maybe Jeff will answer a few of your questions. But probably not.