GEAR GOGGLES

Are you consistently falling for the weasel-faced punk with soot in his hair? Have you ever wiped a halitosis-laden film off your lips after a particularly gross makeout session? Can you not keep your eyes off the greasy longshoreman at your local dive bar just because he knows how to play “Eruption” by Van Halen? If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, you have most likely been seduced by an ugly musician, and you are entitled to scientific compensation. CREEM s arsenal of powerful minds have come together to explain the phenomenon of wanting to get down with the Moe Szyslaks of the music industry.