When Pop Stars Rule The World!

When Pop Stars Rule The World!

Vicki Arkoff

Just think of the power that would rest in your greedy little hands. . . You could move into the Taj Mahal! Paint the White House pink and wallpaper it with Michael Hutchence posters! Have your hamster's portrait carved on Mt. Rushmore! See that your obnoxious neighbor is deported to Guam and forced to listen to Barry Manilow eight-tracks endlessly! You could even dictate a universal ban on mustaches, leisure suits and poodles! Heeee!

If your twisted little minds can cook up such devilish deeds, what do you imagine the irrepressible Bret Michaels could come up with? Or Oingo Boingo, the Pet Shop Boys and Charlie Sexton, for that matter? What would these would-be monarchs do with all that authority within their grasp????? Read on and pray for continued democracy. . .

"If I ruled the world, I'd make everyone wear a Bret Michaels Tshirt and 'I love Bret' buttons!"

—you-know-who, POISON'S oh-so modest singer

"I'd make everyone calm down and have a little garden of their own and not be such jerks and make sure everyone has $50,000 a year. All the rich people would have to be public servants. And on Saturday morning I'd go door to door and start evicting people from Los Angeles until there's only about 500,000 people left!" —an over-crowded CHARLIE SEXTON

"I don't think I'd do that much. I'd travel a lot, which I do anyway, so perhaps I already rule the world! There'd be outbreaks of war, so I'd have to fly there to placate it. They would tell me the problem and if I thought they were being reasonable I'd settle it like a general manager. But the first thing I'd do is hypnotize the scientists so they wouldn't think. I'd place a black hole in their minds so they'd develop things far more peaceful and useful than nuclear weapons. Especially since I'm paying them out of my pocket. Plus," (There's more??—Ed.) "I'd insist that the studios make one film every year about me. It would bomb, but I wouldn't force anyone to see it. The thing is that I'd play myself and I'd write and direct it. That's why no one would go see it."

—THE GO-BETWEENS' imaginative (and gabby!) ROBERT FORSTER "Because it's one of my sidelines, I'd make sure that government subsidies are made available for the renovation of American cars from the 1960s!"

—MARK SEYMOUR, the head of command for HUNTERS & COLLECTORS

"I'd crown myself king!"

—RATT's ROBIN CROSBY, a royal pain if there ever was one.

"I'd commit suicide! I would've thought that I'd taken on too much at that point. I wouldn't want the job, thank you."

—JON ASTLEY, who's happy ruling the record charts for now.

"If I could effectively rule the world, I'd probably create one rule: right now everything's based on competition, and that's wrong. I would emphasize cooperation. Therefore, a lot of sports would not be very fashionable under my rule! But that's a tough one because there would probably be a lot of people competing against me as a ruler!

"On a purely selfish level, I'd want to outlaw bad sound systems. Usually we end up playing through a P.A. system that makes everybody hold their ears. It's really bad when you play through a good P.A. system and everybody's holding their ears!" —PAT MCDONALD of the Texan twosome, TIMBUK 3

"I'd destroy all musak immediately! That's universal. And I'd have my own island somewhere around Bali in the South Pacific because so far, they're nuclear free. . ."

—OINGO BOINGO's JOHNNY VATOS CHRIS LOWE: "It'd bring out the worst in me, I can tell you! I shouldn't be talking about this. There's a very dark side to me."

NEIL TENNANT: "You'd be like Caligula! If I could rule the world, I wouldn't. I'd give away all my powers and institute a perfect government in every country which perfectly functions to be responsive to the needs of all the people."

CHRIS: "And what if they went against your wishes?"

NEIL: "Oh, then of course I'd have to have them all executed! If anyone disagreed, I'd shoot them all! I'd be kind of like a mixture of Stalin and Jesus Christ."

—THE PET SHOP BOYS

"I'm very concerned with the environment so a lot of people would probably be under a little discomfort under my laws and my rules which would be meant to save the trees! I'd knock out nuclear power and make it a wind-geothermal-and-solar-powered universe. Anything selfish? I think saving the world, in its own way, is selfish if I want to live!".

—KHRYSTYNE HAJE, otherwise known as Simone from TV's "Head of the Class"

"I wouldn't rule the world. If I could change the world. . . there must be a revolution for everyone, for the whole world. The industry and politics depend on the economic dependence and it's a circulation. Business is so important and you have to care about your own area. I'm interested in just me and not the social foundation. That's the problem of the times: people get more and more into themselves and keep the others away. Especially in a town like New York; that shows how hard and how unhuman business is."

—Brainy German hitmaker OLIVER KREYSSIG of CAMOUFLAGE