QUIDNUNC'S CONFIDENTIAL!

QUIDNUNC'S CONFIDENTIAL!

Talluleh Rockhead

Welcome back gossip hounds! As before, your faithful quidnunc (that's me) has been spending every waking moment digging up the latest dirt. And boy, has it been muddy out there!

First off, there seems to be a rash of peculiar illnesses attacking such seemingly healthy specimens as Poison! Just prior to their triumphant Los Angeles homecoming, the GlamFour mysteriously cancelled three weeks of gigs. Why? Bret Michaels wasn't talking...reportedly because he couldn't. Apparently he had a nasty case of "bruised vocal chords" or "laryngitis" or "nodules" (?!?!?) depending on which inside source is to be believed. But everything's back to abnormal now; the band is back on the road and abusing their bodies once again (thank goodness).

What's the most popular game these days? No, it's not "Trivial Pursuit: the Duran Duran Edition," and it certainly isn't the computer software game "Michael Hutchence's Complete Geek Makeover." No, silly, it's the old favorite Musical Chairs, of course! Guitar dude Steve Vai has dumped cohort David Lee Roth to join up with reptilian rockers Whitesnake, who booted out fretsman Vivian Campbell. Adding to the confusion are rampant rumors that Mr. Roth has been laying the groundwork to reconnect with his first band, Van Halen. Could it be a fight to the death between the rambunctious Roth and stubborn Sammy Hagar? The band's management insists that it's just talk, and Van Halen went so far as to avoid any eye contact or word exchange with David Lee when he visited them backstage in L.A. recently. Besides, if the not-too-rosy Bret Michaels is to be believed, Roth is in actuality pushing up daisies. Asked about his new, beefy physique, Bret replied: "Most people don't know this, but David Lee Roth died a few years ago. And in his dying they cut my head off, put it on his Women And Children First body and I just took it from there!" "I buried Paul" revisited!?

In other bad boy doings, Jon Bon Jovi was arrested in San Diego! Well, not the Bon Jovi, just some clown who was arrested for drunk driving and told the arresting officers that he was "John Bongiovi" (sic). He explained that he was in town—sans his band, who remained in the Midwest — to sing at a local benefit. When the clever cops caught on to the truth, however, they were considerate enough to alert the genuine Jon, suggesting that he not attempt to rent a car in Southern California for awhile since there's an arrest warrant with his (misspelled) name on it! When the band really did arrive in San Diego for a gig, they made it a special occasion: joining them onstage were Billy Squier (in very fine form), White Lion and Guns N' Roses.

Fellow Bon Jovi-ite Richie Sambora has been keeping better company on their current tour. Hangin' out on the tour bus has been none other than actress Ally Sheedy. Could the star of The Breakfast Club and St. Elmo's Fire be using Richie for research? Sheedy has purchased the kiss-and-tell book I'm With The Band from author/notorious groupie Pamela Des Barres for a major film production. Wouldn't you love to know how thoroughly Sheedy delved into Sambora's soul?

Likewise for Scottish chanteuse Sheena Easton and TV dad Alan Thicke of Growing Pains. It sounds like a strange pairing, but Prince's ex-partner has indeed been hanging around Thicke on the set quite often lately. And speaking of Prince (who most recently completed the score for the blockbuster Batman flick), Susanna—-the sister of ex-bandmate Wendy of Wendy & Lisa—is making beautiful music with Say Anything star John Cusack.

There's no beating around the bush for Cyndi Lauper. In her video for' I Drove All Night," from the longpostponed LP A Night To Remember, the never-bashful singer bares all for the cameras! Shockingly, her nude scenes — camouflaged by film being projected on her skin — didn't scare off censors in the least, though I imagine it made them queasy... In fact, MTV jumped on the risque footage, insisting on exclusive premiere rights!

Kylie Minogue plans to follow Cyndi's lead and turn to the big screen soon. While in California negotiating her first film role, her entire hotel was evacuated due to a bomb scare! Undaunted, Kylie took her cordless phone outside and continued discussions.

Will Debbie Gibson be next in line for movie star status? She says that she hopes to become the new Molly Ringwald! Meanwhile, Heathers' hot 17-year-old star Winona Ryder plays the title role in madman Mojo Nixon's rock vid "Debbie Gibson is Pregnant With My Two-Headed Love Child." As if that isn't enough, Mr. Nixon threatens to star in his own feature, Citizen Mojo.

And lastly, I'll bid adieu with a parting story sure to liven any dull dinner conversation...but is it truth or urban legend? Recently a friend of a friend of a friend was returning to her Las Vegas hotel room. As she waited in the lobby for an elevator a small group of black men gathered behind her. When the doors opened, to her prejudiced dismay, they all stepped inside. She got nervous. The doors closed. "Hit the floor," said a menacing voice. She instantly obeyed, dropping spread-eagled to the elevator floor. A hauntingly familiar laugh rang out. "Sorry lady," he crackled apologetically. "I meant for my friend to hit the button for my floor." Later when she went to the front desk to check out of her suite, the receptionist explained that the bill had already been taken care of and handed her a note that read: "Thanks for the best laugh I've ever had. Eddie Murphy."