THE ADVENTURES OF ANNE IN THE LAND OF GLAM Fairy tales for the MTV generation.

THE ADVENTURES OF ANNE IN THE LAND OF GLAM Fairy tales for the MTV generation.

Anne Leighton

As rock and roll reporters, Creem writers have to have contacts of all kinds from all over creation. I still haven't interviewed the father of punk, Pete Townshend, but I did get the father of our country—George Washington.

And, as usual, when I got Georgie Boy as he liked to be called (at first), not one publication wanted him. All they wanted was passe shmucks like King Henry 1,2,3,4 and 5. Finally Creem has the sense to beg for some glam. It’s about time. It’s only taken 238years.

July 11, 1749:

Dear Diary,

I was walking down the cobblestone streets of Fredricksburg, Virginia and this guy atop a white prancing horse gallops by. “Wow! What a hunk,” 1 think. I call out loud, “Hi.”

“Whoa!” he shouts. And the horse makes a sexy snorting sound. Then he and the horse back-up and we introduce ourselves as nothing but friends. His name is George and he wants to be a political star. He just bought his first white wig. He’s gonna put powder in it and start meeting people tomorrow night.

July 12, 1949:

Dear Diary,

I show up to a grand function dressed to cover the story of a rising politician/military hero named George Washington. I recognize him coming through the door because of his confident swagger. But George looks totally different than his rugged dirty self of yesterday. Today he smells like powder, has a white wig on his head. His clothes have lace fringes and pink satin. He’s wearing tights.

He talks with me a few minutes, tells me that he’s not used to the smell of powder, but he loves the clothes he’s wearing. Someday he’s gonna have his own country. I give him a kiss for luck, introduce him to my friend Martha, who thinks he’s cute. I tell him I gotta catch a ride to New York so I can listen to the radio.

He asks me, “What’s a radio?”

I tell him that I’ll send him one when I get to New York. He gives me his card and we kiss good-bye again. December 30, 1984:

Dear Diary,

I’ve been at this day job too long. I am sick and tired of being a blacksmith and brassmaker’s apprentice. Work for over 200 years and still make $209-00 a week? For what? He doesn’t let me use the tools. I just sit in the office and wait on the townspeople and write bills. I still haven’t earned enough money to send a radio to George. Whenever I talk about music, the boss gets mad. “But you gotta hear this song,” I tell him. “It’s like a folk song. ‘We’re Not Gonna Take It.’”

Finally he agrees to give the song a chance: “Who wrote it?”

“Twisted Sister,” I tell him.

Suddenly his face becomes twisted in horror. “Twisted Sister? You’re fired!”

Mike Tramp reminds me of another glamorous ’60s fan—Madonna. They both have very blonde hair which sometimes looks dark at the roots. Both have beautiful bodies that are the result of hours of exercise. Both have high-pitched voices.

My poor boss was so unwilling to listen to “We’re Not Gonna Take It, ” a song that changed my life. It was a song that said we won’t live in ick—a song that was about standing up to claim what was rightfully mine. I discovered Twisted Sister was a heavy metal band who dressed up just like George Washington.

January 12,1985:

Dear Diary,

From Twisted Sister I was turned on to other heavy metal bands like Motley Crue, KISS, Ronnie James Dio and Scorpions. I met a lot of these bands and discovered that they all liked to dress differently than typical nine to five people. Some liked to dress the way I would if I could make brass or wrought iron hardware. Some of the guys dressed the way I liked to dress up for a date with some' one special. And some dressed the way I liked to dress for \ Halloween. I really discovered that heavy metal guys were just having fun.

Bret Michaels is a Michael Monroe clone!”

May 25, 1987:

Dear Diary,

Ace Frehley walks my way. He was everybody’s favorite guitarist in 1979 with the band KISS and his own personal hit called “Back In the New York Groove.” KISS was real popular because they wore make-up and costumes that were so extreme they looked like creatures from outer space. Ace was great because he was further out in space than everyone else in the band. ‘Space Ace,’ they called him.

After bouts with drugs, his own stupidity and no acceptance from all the record companies, Ace finally got himself together and made a great album called Frehley’s Comet. Ace claims that it wasn’t just his efforts that got him another chance. It was also music fans who gave him encouragement and the success of other hard rock bands like Cinderella and Bon Jovi.

An extremely humble and spiritual man, Ace Frehley recently performed concerts in many American cities. He wasn’t wearing make-up like KISS. Ace looked old onstage, but no one in the audience cared. Many were no longer teenagers. Some of the fans were grown-ups with little records of their own, like Scott Ian of Anthrax, and Taime Downe of Faster Pussycat. Some of the audience were kids who only HEARD about KISS during the 1970’s. They just discovered heavy metal by hearing Poison or David Lee Roth. Nonetheless Ace was real appreciative to the audience and thanked us fans for helping him get a record contract. In fact half way through the show, Ace was so excited by us standing on the chairs and screaming for him that he looked exactly like a kid onstage.

May 26, 1987:

Dear Diary,

White Lion was the opening band for Ace Frehley. Their costumes remind me of the 1960’s TV show— The Mod Squad. Bassist James Lomenzo wears a fringed jacket like Jon Bonjovi. Lead singer Mike Tramp had a brown leather jacket with lots of peace signs. Mike reminds me of another glamorous 1960’s fan—Madonna. They both have very blond hair which sometimes looks dark at the roots. Both have beautiful bodies that are the result of hours of exercise. Both have high pitched voices.

White Lion was supposed to have a record in 1983, on Motley Crue’s record label—Elektra, but the record got shelved and White Lion had to fight their way back into the good graces of America’s hearts and minds by releasing their record in Japan. After four years of selfpromotion, concerts and personal determination, they have an album with a well-earned title, Pride.

White Lion’s songs set them apart from any other band around. All the melodies can be sung walking down the street, but the chord changes sound like heavy metal jazz. Lyrically, all of White Lion’s songs are about having an optimistic attitude and reaching for spiritual planes of being. ‘All You Need is Rock’n’Roll” on Pride best epitomizes White Lion.

June 1, 1987:

Dear Diary,

Faster Pussycat is the exact opposite of White Lion. Though also feline in nature, Faster Pussycat belong in the alley with the rats and drunken bums. They are sleeze to the core. Their songs are hard-edged raw salutes to bathroom walls with lead singer Taime’s phone number. “Everybody called me, even guys,” he smirks. “ ’cause they thought my name was ‘Tammy.’” They also sing about going through life on the edge of alcoholism: “I wrote ‘Bottle in Front of Me’ for pre-production of our album when I was nursing a hangover.”

Taime’s from Seattle and has clawed his way through life. His dad was a rock musician and got him drums and a guitar for this third birthday. At the same time, his daddy dearest tried to discourage him from trying to earn a living with music. His dad didn’t want to see his son succeed for fear he’d get jealous.

Ignoring his dad’s best advice, Taime went to Los Angeles, hung out with Nikki Sixx and Rikki Rocket and created a Tuesday night event to get actors and musicians and common people of Los Angeles dancing, called Cat House. Taime earned a lot of money and impressed a lot of people with Cat House. In fact, if Faster Pussycat doesn’t have a hit record, Taime can also continue working on Cat House once a week and live comfortably. July 4, 1987:

"I like all music except heavy metal.”

Dear Diary,

I’ve been calling for almost a year, and Michael Monroe, lead singer of the first 1980’s glam band, Hanoi Rocks, still hasn’t returned my phone calls. He was recording an album in North White Plains, N.Y. for release in Finland only, but he hoped to find a U.S. deal. I found one for Michael, but now he’ll have to do it himself.

Hanoi Rocks was a great band. They became infamous in 1984 with an album of pure rock and roll. Everybody on the cover wore make-up. Their videos were highenergy and they knew how to rock. Hanoi Rocks came to an untimely ending when their drummer, Razzle, went riding in a car with Motley Crue’s Vince Neil. Vince was drunk, didn’t see ahead of himself on the road and hit another car, paralyzing the riders ahead and killing Razzle instantly.

July 12, 1987:

Dear Diary,

One of Hanoi Rocks’ members, Sami Yaffa, has resurfaced in Jet Boy, a new, energetic band from California. Finally Sami can talk to the press about how Hanoi Rocks has influenced today’s bands; he says that Poison’s lead singer Bret Michaels “is a fucking Michael Monroe clone. Our music wasn’t heavy metal; it was more power rock and roll, but we’ve influenced a lot of today’s bands in attitude.”

tried wearing a skirt— that didn’t work!”

And he can give his feelings about Vince Neil: “What happened has happened and there’s no turning back. I think it was stupid and really a waste. I’m sure Vince went through a hell of a lot—but I really don’t want to say much about it. It was all such a waste. Razzle didn’t deserve to die yet.”

Sami wants to talk about Jet Boy, his new band with four guys from San Francisco. Although Sami has the most music experience, these guys know how to rock and roll. But they’re not heavy metal and they’ll fight you if you tell them they are. “I like all music—old soul like the Dramatics and the Undisputed Truth. I like rock and roll. I like all music except heavy metal,” Yaffa sneers.

No matter what Sami says, it’s the heavy metal magazines that feature Jet Boy. “I count as heavy metal something like Ozzy Osbourne, Saxon, Iron Maiden—the heavy stuff. I never got into that. I like the 1970’s glitter—Mott the Hoople, Mark Bolan, David Bowie and then the punk—the Sex Pistols—and thrash. I like that kind of stuff. Then again, I like flamenco music as well. If it’s good and comes from the heart I like it.”

August 4, 1987:

Dear Diary,

Sami Yaffa has short-circuited my brain by telling me he doesn’t like heavy metal music. I need to go on a vacation.

I fly to Buffalo, New York. Scanning the local newspaper, I discovered that a band called Rockcandy was playing at a bar called The Barnacle South and they were celebrating the release of their new album, Sucker For A Pretty Face. I wonder if it’s the Vince Neil band before Motley Crue. It ain’t. Rockcandy was put together by former Talas guitar guy Johnny Angel.

Johnny’s Rockcandy was a lot more fun and had a hunk of a drummer named David Joel. The tallest member of the band, David’s about 6 foot 4 inches tall, with light blond hair and a smelly backyard. You see David likes to go fishing alongside Lake Erie. A girl could be the ugliest wench in the world, but if she liked to go fishing, she would win David’s undying affection. Ttuly, this is one band that can bring hope to a girl’s heart.

August 30, 1987:

Dear Diary,

I caught up with Gina Stile and she introduced me to Mister Twisted Sister. Who is Gina Stile? Just one of the biggest inspirations in my life. She used to be the guitar player for an all-girl band called the Poison Dollys. They had good songs and a great glam look, ’cause they were all pretty girls which seems to be what a lot of glam guys aspire to. But Gina played with a sensitivity that reminded me of Ritchie Blackmore or George Lynch on record. “Give her a few years,” I’d tell everyone, “and she’ll be on the cover of Guitar Player. ”

Then Gina left the Poison Dollys. She hired her boyfriend as a roadie and everybody got angry at her for ignoring the band. Her boyfriend got angry at her when she ignored him. It was a no-win situation for her. I continued to ask people, “Where’s Gina?” Nobody would tell me. I guess I asked the wrong people. One day I was filing publicity photos of current bands and came across a picture of ENVY. “Holy shit” said I, scandalizing the blacksmith and all his patrons, “That’s Gina in the picture.” Immediately I contacted the right people and soon was talking with her.

She told me that she s no longer going out with her boyfriend and that a week after she left the Poison Dollys he was in the studio with Dee Snider making demos! rina s sister, Rhonnie, was the lead singer and the project v'as called Envy. Right after they made demos they signed vith Atlantic Records.

It happened very fast for the sisters. Rhonnie, who’s mly 20, has had as sudden burst of attention. She’s not ised to it and giggles a lot. Gina is 24, has been in bands ince she was 14 and can deal with the attention. Because nvy is only a year old and they’ve released their first ecord so fast, the group hasn’t developed a strong visual mage. Gina admits, Our talent agency is helping us with ur image. They see us a little aggressive looking, but not s tough as Joan Jett. We’re not cute. I don’t want too >ugh, or too cute of an image. I want to be right in the tiddle. That’s a hard area to be. What you wear onstage is hat you are. I’ve tried all different kinds of outfits— verything.

“I tried wearing a skirt. That didn’t work; I was more orried about people seeing everything else than my uitar playing. I didn’t feel comfortable. I’ve come up ith cowboy boots with thick heels so I can move around, pants that look leather but aren’t and a short top. I’m definitely comfortable now.”

October 30, 1987:

Dear Diary,

Gina’s music is coming alive working with Dee Snider. Sadly he’s confused about his group, Twisted Sister’s image problems these days. Recently they took off the makeup saying “We don’t want to be clowns.” I feel bad for Twisted Sister thinking they’ve become clowns; they’re not. All that’s happened is too many industry people are taking them for granted and not treating them as something new to be impressed with. That happens with every band that doesn’t become a superstar like U-2, the Beatles or Motley Crue. After awhile, all the glam bands from David Bowie to KISS to Motley Crue take off their makeup.

But, just as it might be nice to have all four original Beatles alive and KISS back together, I’d like to turn back the clock to when Twisted Sister looked like George Washington.

July 14, 2049:

Dear Diary,

Got paid by Creem. Finally sent George his radio.