QUIDNUNC'S CONFIDENTIAL!

QUIDNUNC'S CONFIDENTIAL!

Richard Blaine

Calling all cars! Calling all cars! Everyone who’s anyone is being arrested these days. First they appear on movie posters at your local theater, next it’s wanted posters at your local post office!

First on the police lineup is the not-so-wise wiseguy Bruce Willis of Moonlighting, who was arrested for assaulting an officer when police broke up a wild party at Willis’s Hollywood Hills pad. It’s not the first time the neighbors have complained about the 32-year-old’s raucous bashes, so when the cops arrived, a peeved Willis charged one of L.A.’s finest. It’s not certain why Bruce wasn’t wearing a shirt when he was hauled into the slammer, nor if wine coolers were served at the party.

Happy-go-lucky Sean Penn recently spent the day signing autographs—something he does as rarely as he says “cheese” for the camera—at the Los Angeles Police Department’s golf tournament. Not a bad P.R. move (lawyer-ly advice?), but could it have been to prepare for his latest film role in Colors, in which he portrays an L.A.P.D. anti-gang-unit detective? Nah... but come to think of it, he has rehearsed his At Close Range role as a troubled youth for years now. But wait! Lo and behold!

Was that Sean checking

back into his favorite home-away-from-home at an L.A. jail recently? Sure

enough; this time for driving under the influence... through a red light.

Perhaps his new film should be called Color Blind.

And the police beat goes on... Ad-Rock (alias Adam Horowitz) of those feisty Beastie Boys was arrested in Liverpool for causing “grievous bodily harm” to an audience member when he allegedly threw a beer can into a concert crowd. The can was allegedly full. It allegedly hit a girl’s face. It allegedly broke her nose. ’Tis enough to break sometime-girlfriend Molly Ringwald’s heart. Will they ever sushi-date again?

Speaking of fishy tales, one is circulating around jolly oP England about the

Beasties’ beastly behavior. When greeting a group of critically-ill children that had flown to the Montreux rock festival courtesy of the Dreams Come True foundation and patron Paul Young, the Beasties reportedly called the cancer-victims and wheelchair-bound children “baldies” and “cripples.” After a massive witchhunt by the British press, it turns out that the incident never happened. Darn, just when we had a really good reason to pick on the Beasties...

Though he hasn’t been behind bars yet, Michael Jackson should be locked up for his latest obsession; a morbid fascination with the late John Merrick, aka The Elephant Man.

Michael has doubled his offer to buy the misformed remains to a tune of $1 million.

One last jailbird, then it’s on to upstanding citizens: Madonna confessed to Johnny Carson that she “really wanted to go shopping,” because, you see,

GOSSIP! GOSSIP! GOSSIP! GOSSIP!

“I’d been in jail for four years..Jail? Madonna?? I didn’t know you could get peroxide in the slammer! Turns out that our blonde heroine was only discussing her role in the film, Who’s That Girl?

Law-abiding citizen Robbie “C’est La Vie” Nevill has also been in a shopping mood. He’s been tall in the saddle lately—with megahits of his own plus songs covered by El Debarge, the Pointer Sisters, Vanity, Sheena Easton and oodles more—but not tall enough to suit him. Quidnunc’s caught the diminutive songsmith (5’4”? 5’5”? On tip-toes?) slipping on torturously tight jeans at a trendy shop. “Do they make me look taller?” he inquired. No, but your hair mousse helps.

Shopping in L.A. can be so glamorous: Spotted pushing carts through the aisles were Whoopi Goldberg and hubby loading up on frozen dim sum... and Emilio Estevez buying very bad art in Hollywood, presumably not for his love nest with ex-fiancee Demi Moore... Bangle Susanna Hoffs has been comforting Emilio in his hour of need.

SCREEN SCENE: It’s been musical chairs on the set of Less Than Zero, where star Andrew McCarthy has been earning exactly that many popularity points. The heartthrob has become a bit of a headache: while he refuses to remove his sunglasses on the set, he insists that the crew move his “director” chair all over the set. Mickey Rourke was far more reasonable during the filming of Barfly. all he wanted was a convertible Rolls-Royce to futz around in. And on the Moonlighting set—surprise— it’s Cybill Shepherd, not Bruce Willis, who’s regarded as a nuisance. She complains that “sexist, unflattering, stupid things” are written for her sexy, flattering and intelligent character, Maddie Hayes.

Meanwhile, the sexy George Michael is apparently too sexy: his “I Want Your Sex” from the soundtrack of Eddie Murphy’s Beverly Hills Cop II, is too steamy for radio and has been widely banned. Kim Wilde, on the other hand, went to #1 with her sexy “You Keep Me Hanging On,” and so the last word belongs to Kim: “I know whether I’m going to have an affair with a man within seconds. It hasn’t happened very much though, I have to add.”

GOSSIP! GOSSIP! GOSSIP! GOSSIP!