LETTERS

LETTERS

Mail Dept., CREEM Magazine, P.O. Box 131869, Los Angeles, CA 90093

AND BUTTERMILK FROWNED. . .

Just a note of thanks to you guys, and especially Rick Johnson, for your inciteful (sic—Ed.) article on mags in the June issue of CREEM. What puzzles us here at Hit Parader, however, is that we are quite proud of the boredom-threshold test induced by our layouts. We like to think of it as a key to Hit Parader's continued success. Do you think it’s easy duplicating the exact same photo layout (often with the exact same photos) month after month? By the way, I’m typing this letter with my toes—another trick we’ve learned works well with both letters to fellow magazines and articles about Metallica.

The only regret we have is that since nobody buys or reads CREEM anymore, who the hell is going to read Rick’s masterful piece? As you know, I get mine for free.

Andy Secher Editor, Hit Parader New York, NY (Moooo.—Ed.)

NOTES FROM THE PHANTOM ZONE

Boy, times have changed. Or maybe it’s CREEM. Are you reflecting the movements in good ol’ rock ’n’ roll or is rock a reflection of the new CREEM? Basically I find myself buying CREEM more than before—say, for the last year especially. I guess the first one I’d bought in a few years was the September '84, because it had R.E.M. on the cover. Before that, I’rri sure we both agree ’twas a sad rag. I started reading CREEM back in ’77 or so. (Wow! 10 years!) It got steadily worse, along with the rest of the rock press—reflecting a sad period in pop music, I suppose. I find CREEM today a relief with its (new) attitude, approach, leaving metal to Circus—I used to read this??! And the humor, so terribly absent in the other rags. Your coverage of all the really fine new bands I’ve come to know and love like the Replacements, Bangles, Robyn H. and the Meat Puppets, who bestowed upon you the honor of a full page ad a couple months back!

Actually, you were ahead of me with that March ’86 edition, which I bought for the New Psychedelia piece. Sure, Van Halen was on the cover for the too manyeth time, but the main record reviews were of two records that I didn’t buy ’til months later, realizing I had totally overlooked them. Good for you! Moo! So CREEM has pulled up and away from the rest of the rock press, who can’t seem to catch on to the fact that the best new tunes are not on mainstream radio. Rolling Bone is good to browse through, but rarely worth buying. (Except when they put those irresistable Bangles on the cover—what can you do?) Spin is fresh for writing about and introducing me to bands I’d never heard of, like Flaming Lips or the Volcano Suns, among others. I won’t discuss ROCKSHOTS except to say I’ve had to pick up the ones with Bangle stuff and it's good to have a separate release for all the teeny coverage. Keep CREEM clean and keep up with that indie scene.

While boarding another boring bus ride up here in the Rockies, I found the latest ish, with that tasty mellow yellow cover, to save the trip. Hey, bananas are go! Husker Du, Lemmy opposite the Beatles on one page—it’s great. Backstage making fun of people that the old CREEM might be covering. And I laughed out loud reading my old buddy Rick Johnson’s review of the tired rock mag biz.

In the meantime, CREEM will keep me entertained as I put up with your goddamned tourist invasion here again this summer!

Byron Moore Banff, Alberta, Canada P.S.: If nobody wants Freddie Mercury’s guitar, why don’t you just break it over his head?

HUMOR: IT’S IN!

You all suck! Congratulations! I think you have just lost a reader! So, you know why? Huh? Well, I shall tell you why: you’re all assholes! That’s why! In your May, 1987 issue, you had an absolutely motherfucking article called “Heavy Metal Must Be Destroyed!” I almost burned the whole goddamned ass-sucking mag! Heavy metal is the best music to ever come around today. There is only one shit-stupid thing about it—CREEM is METAL’s sister magazine. So why are you faggots criticizing this fabulous heavy metal music? I know a town full of headbangers worse than me. All you ass-fucking jerk editors who put in that revolting article, I say “Go pee on yourself and flush your filthy, disgusting excuse of a body down a fucking toilet and visit the sewers on the other side of the city!!” I totally despise your carelessness in other people’s (readers, of course) feelings and opinions. I just cannot believe when I saw that cover: “Heavy Metal Must Die! Details Inside.” My guts almost tied in a knot. As a matter of fact,

I fucking nearly tied this damn mag in a knot! Fuck it! I may never read this magazine again! Except for the METAL magazine, that is.

Can you please print this letter, because I’m gonna show this shit to all my fellow headbangers.

K.C.

Newark, NJ

(No. We hate you.—Ed.)

HANDSOMENESS INEXPLICABLY UNMENTIONED!

I would like to give a big pat on the back to Bill Holdship and J. Kordosh for the outstanding “putdown” article on the Beastie Boys.

You’re absolutely correct that the Beastie Boys are “spiritually ugly” and “mentally ugly.” In reality they’re just a bunch of spoiled, immature brats who come from rich families who know nothing about life or songwriting. Their songs have no meaning whatsoever; just plain stupidity. People actually enjoy their music and their stupid antics!? What is this generation coming to, if they enjoy watching a bunch of shameless imbeciles on stage? It’s hard to believe that people actually pay money to see them in concert.

If it’s true that the Beasties are representatives of the “young” (which I hope is not true), I’m incredibly embarrassed to be young.

Someone

Canton, Ml

P.S.: Alright, Jello Biafra for the great letter (April)! Now there’s a man who can write songs and has something intelligent to say!

STUFF

Things are looking bad...

1)This city gets the “privilege” of having Billy Joel and Bon Jovi play here twice within less than two months. Twice. “You asked for it St. Louis, and you got it. .. Bon Jovi returns...” Hell, / never asked. We get Bon Jovi twice and can’t even get the Pretenders once, for gosh sakes.

2) The latest group that walks on water?

U2.

Yes, U2, cos “The Boss” is on vacation. Riles me to have Rolling Stone sputter on about how and why U2’s latest disc is the most important album of the decade, why they’re the most important band of the decade, blah blah blah.. . and they hadn’t even heard it yet. Their star-slobbering kills me, but I can’t cancel my subscription just yet. They’re the only mag that keeps me well-informed on the every detail of Don Johnson’s rocketing musical career.

3) A rumor.. .Jagger to leave the Stones and Roger Daltrey to take his place. Ooooo, how wretched. Jagger should leave if only for the chance to dare Richards to do that. HA.

4) The most recent inductee onto the list of “Artists To Be Harpooned”: Genesis. The complete list with club information available upon request... in alphabetical order.

5) Heart? All those years of constantly trying to convince people they were musicians when it’s more profitable to be tits? Geez, how depressing.

Anyway...

This Is Me

St. Louis, MO

P.S.: After all these years of you people praising the Velvet Underground, and with R.E.M. splattering them all over their latest, I finally listened to them for the first time today. Yeah, you guys were right. Good schtuff.

LIGHT, NO BUSHEL

We wish to thank you so much for the free donation of back issues of various magazines you publish, and are hoping that you might keep us in mind in the future for any other donations that might come up.

The men of this correctional center have very little in the way of recreation, and any and all donations help greatly.

Sincerely,

Jeanne Hansen

Librarian, Omaha Correctional Center

Omaha, NE

MAIL, MIT ONIONS!

We sure do miss you guys! This place is really getting empty!

George really wanted to make you a grilled cheese on whole wheat, but it wouldn’t look too hot in California. You have best regards from all here who know you and especially from Katy. We’re sure glad that you’re doing great.

God bless you and keep up the good work!

Your Friends At The Snack Station

Birmingham, Ml

(Go fill the hot mustard bottle, Louie.—Ed.)