THE 1986 READERS POLL

THE 1986 READERS POLL

The Meaning Of Life Explained At Last!

“Do you know we live in sick times? I mean, the Monkees! Really! Pathetic is an understatement!” -Cathy Haag Keswick, Ontario

“The idea of teenyboppers all over America knowing who Robert Smith is frightens me to pieces. ” -Unsigned

Well, another year—make that another wonderful year—has gone by and, as always, it’s time for the results of another wonderful CREEM Readers Poll! It’s our 11th annual survey, for those of you who keep track of such things, and we can honestly say that this year’s results are possibly the best we’ve ever had, maybe.

Why? Because you, our respected readers, finally succumbed to the thousands of subliminal messages we’ve been planting in CREEM since our May, 1980 issue! Dammit, it sure took a long time. Happily, our ambitious experiment’s succeeded, and you are now little more than robots completely in our power. But, hey—you’re robots with excellent musical taste! Way to go!

Yessir, this year’s poll was a lulu. Truly, the winds o’ change have gusted mightily...for example, in the last three years, Motley Crue have finished 10th, 2nd and 3rd among our readers with an opinion on the best group in the world. This year? Nikki, Nikki, they hardly knew ye.

Let’s look at some of the major changes: the big winner, it would seem, is R.E.M. Yep, the band that never made the Top 10—forget about winning, we mean being in the Top 10—of our “Best New Group” category cleaned up in ’86. Their litany of honors is impressive, indeed: best group, best album (Lifes Rich Pageant), best single (“Fall On Me”), best bassist (Mike Mills), second-best male singer, guitarist and drummer (Michael Stipe, Peter Buck and Bill Berry, respectively) and even second-best album cover. Oh, yeah, their producer, Don Gehman, also won his category (tied with T-Bone Burnett), and you named the video for “Fall On Me” as the year’s third-best. Guess we’ll try to do another story on them one of these days.

The surprises didn’t stop in Athens, Georgia, though. The Cure, never before seen in any of our categories, fomped to the #2 spot in the best band sweepstakes. And who can resist those loveable Smiths?...not you, that’s for sure. Morrissey was your choice as the year’s best male vocalist, Johnny Marr placed third in the guitarist-a-thon, and The Queen Is Dead was named the year’s third-best album (and also, in a show of poll-ish consistency, the year’s third-best album cover). But help us figure out how Morrissey placed #4 as the sex object of the year! A tragic side-effect of our subliminals experiment?

Let’s hear it for both Van Halen and David Lee Roth, at least. Both maintained the essential schizophrenia we’ve come to cherish in our readership. Many of you regard the new VH as quite the zesty group—Eddie reclaimed best guitarist honors after a one-year fall to #5, Alex jumped to #3 drummer after last year’s # nowhere showing, Michael Anthony hit #4 on the bassist’s parade, and 5150 nestled at #2 in the best album category, between R.E.M. and the Smiths. On the other hand, you voted them the worst group in the world, and— just in case we didn’t believe you—placed them at #3 on the most pathetic list, just a notch above their singer, Sammy Hagar. We only pray that Van Halen made a lot of money in ’86, if only to alleviate the awful tension of these results. (As an aside, we congratulate Eddie Van Halen for capturing best keyboard player—for the second time in three years—but urge you to consider voting for someone who makes keyboards their first instrument. Like Richard Nixon.)

And, as usual, David Lee Roth proved that people must, by Divine Guidance, have an opinion about him. Get this: he was the rip-off of the year, and far and away the most pathetic, but he was also the second-sexiest person in rock, the fifth-best male singer in the world, and the star of “Yankee Rose,” the second-best and second-worst video seen in 1986. Next year, we’ll try to make him three people and really have some fun!

Not forgetting the distaff side of things, it’s kudos to Madonna—you picked her as the year’s top female vocalist. Naturally, being the best female singer in the world, she made the video you found most odious, and by a landslide: “Papa Don’t Preach.” On the other hand, she is the #1 sex object of the year, which probably explains why you voted her second to the pathetic David Lee Roth in the most pathetic category. We’re starting to get it: sex is pathos, right? Well, perhaps not in the case of Susanna Hoffs of the Bangles, who sexed in at #3, hit #5 on the female vocalist list, and didn’t even get a vote in our beloved rip-off/pathetic categories. You are the odd one, Ms. H.

Some other oddities and things worth mentioning: it was a good year for Peter Gabriel (#3 male vocalist and #3 single with “Sledgehammer”), the Monkees (your consensus as the fourth-best group and makers of the fourth-best album), and the Pet Shop Boys, who nailed down the #1 spot in the best new group field. (And we’re sure the Boys will be pleased to know they follow in the footsteps of their illustrious best new group predecessors over the last four years: Men At Work, Quiet Riot, Ratt and the Hooters. This ain’t the Kiss Of Life, guys.) Phil Collins won best drummer for the second year in a row, which beats the heck out of this Eddie Van Halen keyboard obsession you people seem to harbor. And INXS—despite winning no categories—scored well all around.

Getting to the dirt, we extend our sympathy to Motley Crue, who fell out of the 10 best groups, but maintained their strong position in the worst group run-off (a narrow second to Van Halen). Ditto to MTV (#2 rip-off) and the Monkees (#3, same category). Look at it this way, losers: at least the Replacements finally made it to the Top 10 on the best band list...let this give you aesthetic strength or something.

So: thanks for your votes, and thanks for giving us the chance to spend countless, senseless hours tallying them and trying to ascribe any meaning whatsoever to them. Ultimately, your insight is uncanny, and—in many cases—unprintable. We’re glad you’re our readers. Love us for what we are. He’p. We’ll do it again next year, OK?

—The Editors

READERS POLL BALLOT FINAL RESULTS

TOP ALBUM

1. LIFES RICH PAGEANT—R.E.M

2. 5150-VAN HALEN

3. THE QUEEN IS DEAD-THE SMITHS

4. THEN & NOW...THE BEST OF THE MONKEES

5. STANDING ON THE BEACH-THE CURE

6. LISTEN LIKE THIEVES—INXS

7. SO-PETER GABRIEL

8. DIFFERENT LIGHT-THE BANGLES

9. EAT ’EM AND SMILE-DAVID LEE ROTH

10. BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN & THE E STREET BAND LIVE/1975-85 -BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN

TOP SINGLE

1. FALL ON ME-R.E.M.

2. THAT WAS THEN, THIS IS NOW -THE MONKEES

3. SLEDGEHAMMER-PETER GABRIEL

4. ADDICTED TO LOVE-ROBERT PALMER

5. HIGHER LOVE-STEVE WINWOOD

6. KISS-PRINCE

7. WHAT YOU NEED—INXS

8. YANKEE ROSE-DAVID LEE ROTH

9. VENUS-BANANARAMA

10. WALK THIS WAY—RUN-DMC

"It's a foolish woman who’s not in love with Michael Stipe. ” -Bonnie Shulman Montreal, Quebec

TOB BAND

1. R.E.M.

2. THE CURE

3. VAN HALEN

4. MONKEES

5. U2

6. INXS

7. TALKING HEADS

8. THE REPLACEMENTS

9. THE BANGLES

10. THE SMITHS

“Do I win?” -Tod Yessin Livonia, MI

BEST FEMALE SINGER

1. MADONNA

2. SIOUXSIE SIOUX

3. ANNIE LENNOX

4. ANN WILSON

5. SUSANNA HOFFS

6. CYNDI LAUPER

7. CHRISSIE HYNDE

8. WHITNEY HOUSTON

9. KATE BUSH

10. TINA TURNER

BEST MALE SINGER

1. MORRISSEY

2. MICHAEL STIPE

3. PETER GABRIEL

4. ROBERT PALMER

5. DAVID LEE ROTH

6. BONO

7. ROBERT SMITH

8. STEVE WINWOOD

9. BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN

10. SAMMY HAGAR

BEST GUITARIST

1. EDWARD VAN HALEN

2. PETER BUCK

3. JOHNNY MARR

4. STEVE VAI

5. THE EDGE

6. ROBERT SMITH

7. JIMMY PAGE

8. MARK KNOPFLER

9. ANDY TAYLOR

10. STEVIE RAY VAUGHN

BEST BASSIST

1. MIKE MILLS

2. BILLY SHEEHAN

3. STING

4. MICHAEL ANTHONY

5. JOHN TAYLOR

6. SIMON GALLOP

7. MICHAEL STEELE

8. DEE DEE RAMONE

9. MARK KING

10. ANDY ROURKE

BEST KEYBOARD PLAYER

1. EDDIE VAN HALEN

2. HOWARD JONES

3. PAUL SCHAFFER

4. BILLY JOEL

5. STEVE WINWOOD

6. PETER TORK

7. TONY BANKS

8. BERNIE WORELL

9. JOE JACKSON

10. ANDREW FARRIS

BEST PRODUCER

1. T-BONE BURNETT DON GEHMAN-(tie)

3. TED TEMPLEMAN

4. MICK JONES

5. JIMMY JAM

6. PHIL COLLINS

7. MITCH EASTER

8. DAVE STEWART

9. PRINCE

10. CHRIS THOMAS

BEST DRUMMER

1. PHIL COLLINS

2. BILL BERRY

3. ALEX VAN HALEN

4. MICKY OOLENZ

5. CHARLIE WATTS

6. TOMMY LEE

7. LARRY MULLEN, JR.

8. COZY POWELL

9. STEWART COPELAND

10. NEIL PEART

BEST NEW GROUP

1. THE PET SHOP BOYS

2. GLASS TIGER

3. THE SMITHEREENS

4. CINDERELLA

5. THE SCREAMING BLUE MESSIAHS

6. THE BODEANS

7. NU SHOOZ

8. JESUS & MARY CHAIN

9. THE WOODENTOPS

10. THE POGUES

WORST GROUP

1. VAN HALEN

2. MOTLEY CRUE

3. SIGUE SIGUE SPUTNIK

4. WHAM!

5. BON JOVI

6. RUN-DMC

7. SIMPLY RED

8. BANANARAMA

9. JOURNEY

10. GLASS TIGER WAS. P.-(tie)

RIP-OFF OF THE YEAR

1. DAVID LEE ROTH

2. MTV

3. THE MONKEES REVIVAL

4. CONCERT PRICES

5. EVERYTHING TO DO WITH SPRINGSTEEN

6. SIGUE SIGUE SPUTNIK

7. MADONNA

8. CREEM

9. ALBUM PRICES

10. PRINCE’S PARADE

Do the comments you print get a laugh in the officer -Linda Owen Plano, TX

MOST PATHETIC

1. DAVID LEE ROTH

2. MADONNA

3. VAN HALEN

4. SAMMY HAGAR

5. BOY GEORGE

6. BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN

7. PRINCE

8. SIGUE SIGUE SPUTNIK

9. RONALD REAGAN

10. JIMMY SWAGGART

ROCK PHOTOGRAPHE Ft OK THE YEYH

1. LYNN GOLDSMITH

2. ROSS MARINO

3. MARK WEISS

4. EBET ROBERTS

5. ANTON CORBIGN

6. PAUL NATKIN

7. NEIL ZLOZOWER

8. NEAL PRESTON

9. ANNIE LEIBOWITZ

10. LAURA LEVINE

HOCK:

CRITIC OE THE YE YH

1. BILL HOLDSHIP

2. JOHN MENDELSSOHN DAVE DiMARTINO—(tie)

4. JOHN KORDOSH

5. ROBERT CHRISTGAU

6. RICK JOHNSON

7. RICHARD C. WALLS

8. SYLVIE SIMMONS

9. LAURA FISSINGER

10.RICHARD RIEGEL JON YOUNG—(tie)

ALBUM COYEH OE THE YE YH

1. EAT ’EM AND SMILE—DAVID LEE ROTI

2. LIFES RICH PAGEANT—R.E.M.

3. THE QUEEN IS DEAD-THE SMITHS

4. TRUE BLUE-MADONNA

5. CANDY APPLE GREY-HUSKER DU

6. 5150-VAN HALEN

7. ALBUM-PiL

8. STANDING ON THE BEACH-THE CURE

9. THE ULTIMATE SIN-OZZY OSBOURNE

10.A DATE WITH ELVIS-THE CRAMPS

VIDEO OE THE YE YB

1. SLEDGEHAMMER-PETER GABRIEL

2. YANKEE ROSE-DAVID LEE ROTH

3. FALL ON ME-REM.

4. WALK THIS WAY-RUN-DMC

5. WHAT YOU NEED-INXS

6. THAT WAS THEN, THIS IS NOW -THE MONKEES

7. VENUS-BANANARAMA

8. GOIN' CRAZY-VAN HALEN

9. SOMETHING TO BELIEVE IN -THE RAMONES

10. DON'T STAND SO CLOSE TO ME-POLICE

I put the same exact answers for the poll in Rolling Stone.” -Krista Moore Bannurg, CA

WORST VIDEO OE THE YEAR

1. PAPA DON’T PREACH—MADONNA

2. YANKEE ROSE-DAVID LEE ROTH

3. DANCING ON THE CEILING—LIONEL RICHIE

4. VENUS-BANANARAMA

5. TRUE COLORS—CYNDI LAUPER

6. YOU GIVE LOVE A BAD NAME -BON JOVI

7. GOIN’ CRAZY-VAN HALEN

8. WALK THIS WAY—RUN-DMC

9. NASTY-JANET JACKSON

10. TRUE BLUE-MADONNA

SEX OBJECT OE THE YE YB

1. MADONNA

2. DAVID LEE ROTH

3. SUSANNA HOFFS

4. MORRISSEY

5. JON BON JOVI

6. MICHAEL HUTCHENCE

7. MICHAEL STIPE

8. ROBERT SMITH

9. ANNIE LENNOX

10. NANCY WILSON

COUPLE OE THE YE YB

10. Bob Dylan & Tom Petty

1. MADONNA & SEAN PENN

2. TOMMY LEE & HEATHER LOCKLEAR BILLY JOEL & CHRISTIE BRINKLEY—(tie)

4. SID & NANCY

5. ANDY & FERGIE

6. EDDIE VAN HALEN & VALERIE BERTINELLI

7. MICK JAGGER & JERI HALL

8. MARTHA QUINN & STIV BATOR

9. ROBERT SMITH & MARY

10. BOB DYLAN & TOM PETTY

STBEET BHBYSE OE THE YE YB

1. FUCK YOU

2. THAT’S THE TICKET

3. WHAT’S UP DUDE?

4. GOT ANY CRACK?

5. WHAT’S THE FREQUENCY, KENNETH?

EYD OE THE YE YB

1. THE `60s

2. THE MONKEES REVIVAL

3. RAPPIN'

4. CRACK

5. AIDS

6. HIGH TOP TENNIS SHOES

7. PUNK

8. DRUG TESTING

9. MAX HEADROOM

10. REEBOKS