THE SCORPIONS SHOULD BE ELECTED PRESIDENT! (If this were a just and righteous world!)

THE SCORPIONS SHOULD BE ELECTED PRESIDENT! (If this were a just and righteous world!)

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by Anne “Cronkite Rather Rooney” Leighton

When Ronald Reagan and Walter Mondale ran for President in 1984, I had the worst time trying to get an answer from them about the world’s most important issue—music. Phone calls and letters to their offices and campaign headquarters were ignored...! was surprised that either one of them even won the election.

However when I contacted the Scorpions to get some answers on the world’s most important issue, music, their charismatic blue-eyed front man Klaus Meine was more than willing to discuss the issues. This will make their 1987 campaign more endearing and enduring than anybody except for maybe J.F. Kennedy or ZZ Top.

“Rock ’n’ roll is not happening in the studio first. That means you have to go on the road and play!”

Passion Rulers, that’s what they’re thinking of calling their next album, ’cause they have a song called “Passion Rules The Game.”

Well, passion rules the Scorpions when they play the game of rock ’n’ roll. They’ve been gigging in Germany since 1972. Their first major American label, RCA, didn’t want to back them for an American tour, ’cause they didn’t think metal bands could sell out concerts. (Dum-dums!)

In 1979, Scorpions had their first Polygram release, Love Drive, and a tour opening for Ted Nugent with special guests AC/DC. Such an awesome line-up taught the Scorpions one thing—to always have a powerful bill, with each band playing the best rock ’n’ roll possible.

The idea is not to be a Ritchie Blackmore/prima donna-type who demands that the opening band can’t do guitar solos, or a Kinks-type who won’t give the opening band a soundcheck and leaves their drumkit onstage, so the opener doesn’t have much space to move around. Those acts are only hurting themselves. Giving opening bands subpar treatment only hurts the audience, who don’t have a chance to work themselves (gradually) into a frenzy before the headliner appears.

Klaus was so grateful to be playing and moving on a spacious stage allotted by the loinclothed wonder. He wants to have opening acts who can be as great as the Scorpions! He loves the competition of opening acts, ’cause they give headliners a chance to kick harder. ‘‘A kind of natural competition is good, of course. But we’re not in the Olympics of heavy metal. I think there’s enough space for all kinds of bands. Most people we know are working hard to be where they are. That kind of competition is always good, if you work hard.”

And that’s the secret of making it on one’s own in America.

Klaus has a little story to illustrate his band’s definition of working, by admitting some cynicism with former Scorpion bandmate’s Uli Jon Roth’s brother Zeno’s band, Zeno. “If a band can step into a whole situation like appearing from out of nowhere and then having a big success, it’s great. But we know it’s not easy. Their album is very good. For their first album, it’s excellent. But rock ’n’ roll, I think you have to make it through the audience. That means that rock ’n’ roll is not happening in the studio first. It’s happening live onstage. That means you have to go on the road and play! (work!) Play! (work!) Play! (work!) Play! (work!)

“The more experience you have, the better the music will be, and the better your stage presence and everything will be. Rock ’n’ roll is street music. It takes time to get experience. And the more experience you get, the better the band and music gets. It’s like with a woman, you know?”

Ahhh yes, Scorpions truly are like a lot of their audience. That’s because they are in touch with the commoners. Heck, Scorpions very much consider themselves to be commoners. Klaus says they’re not stars. “What is a star? A star is shining in the sky—very nice and very far away.” He mingles, loves signing the autographs as much as you like getting money.

One day he and Rudy were in the Frankfurt airport, just walking around and they heard an American boy shout, “Scorpions! Hey! Oh God!” Suddenly 50 more American boys and girls appeared from lockers, gift shops and METAL detectors. “Klaus, how you doing?” “Rudolf, can you sign this for me?” "Gosh, Klaus, you’re so short in person.”

“We had to sign everything,” Klaus was smiling ever so fondly. “The kids in America are so fantastic—very enthusiastic—very open.”

Scorpions know we want to hear real music. And they work very hard on their songs, to keep them honest enough to “hit people straight in the heart and get goosebumps crawling up their backs.” (Incidentally if a goosebump ever crawls on you, let it. Don’t sweat it off, because goosebumps are a symbol of luck).

I always felt Scorpions wrote some of the best love songs. What’s amazing is none of their love songs are wimpy. “We want to the music rough for our fans. We like the hard rockers and melodic stuff. The mixture of both is important. I think

it’s important to show all kinds of emotions—all your emotions. Man is not always having a party or banging his head against the wall. There may be times when he is crying.”

In light of President Reagan’s machoism (and the fact that he doesn’t go to the bathroom), I proclaim that to be a very ballsy admission. We Americans need rulers who can shed a tear for even no reason at all. The last president who acted like a human being in office was Gerry Ford. Gerry was real cool. I bet he cried every night! And for good reason— he was getting some spazzy injury every night! The man was a bigger klutz than Vince Neil! Besides, Gerry looked so real with bandaids on his forehead. And, like Klaus, he has a receding hairline that he never tried to cover. I’m convinced that Ronald Reagan’s hair is not real, because he’s too old for such dark, thick hair!

The Scorpions, too, are klutzy. They collide into each other onstage. Their tour manager is always saying, “You’re the only band who needs traffic lights onstage.”

“Well, sometimes we have accidents. It’s natural,” Klaus speaks out. “Music is body language. So when you play music, you move naturally.”

The Scorpions are totally sober onstage. Their shows aren’t choreographed, as that would make things boring. Everybody just responds to the music and moves all over the stage.

Their most recent Love At First Sting (ooo! ooo!) tour had Klaus el-kabonging bassist Francis Buchholz with his microphone. “I was just twirling the microphone around and he came into my line,” Klaus states ever so simply. Francis had to get stitchesl (ooo! ooo!)

The next day, Francis announces, ‘‘It’s so boring to go to the hospital alone to get stitches off!” So he hit Rudolf with the bass! So Rudolf had to get stitches! (ooo! ooo!)

And, a few weeks later, they both went to the hospital together to get rid of the stitches! So Francis wan’t bored. And, ‘‘We called them the Stitch Brothers!” (ooo! ooo!)

Truly, Scorpions are a special group of loonies who enjoy each other’s company. Like Gerry, who said, ‘‘I want to play with my team,” as he fired former Nixon aides, the Scorpions were created to enjoy each other’s company on the road. Says Klaus, ‘‘When we formed this band, we were not only looking for a superstar guitar player or a superstar drummer, we were looking for good friends.”

Except for drummer Herman ‘‘Ze German” Rarebell, no one’s done a solo record, and nobody’s guested on anyone else’s records. (Except Rudolf has helped his brother Michael Schenker get his new band together). And Herman’s solo project was laid down while the band was going through a blackout during their recording of the Blackout LP. That was when Klaus had lost his voice for a very long time.

In fact, that period is a perfect example of the band hanging together for the sake of the Scorpions. Klaus kept saying, ‘‘I don’t think I can make it. Find another singer.”

‘‘NO! NO! NO! NO!” said the other four. ‘‘We are waiting for you. We know you can do it.”

It’s that ‘‘united we stand” attitude (plus voice lessons, a vocal massage machine) that helped pull Klaus through. To tell you the truth, it was a pretty desperate situation when Klaus discovered he lost his voice; the doctor said, ‘‘Find another job.”

These guys are a band in the true sense of the word—B-A-N-D. That’s why Uli John Roth left (and Matthias Jabs replaced him) in 1978. Uli wanted to play his own music and couldn’t get that outlet in the Scorpions, (Klaus says that he s a fan of UN’s. He loves his guitar playing, but thinks UN’s singing isn’t so good.)

‘‘We are like a marriage,” Klaus says. There are some arguments because they have to work out the songs, but, Klaus says, there are no bad vibrations within the band.

The five performing members employ 97 people on the road to make sure things work. Many have been with band since they first toured America. They understand that it’s most important to put out a good show for the fans.

‘‘I think it’s not important to be a star,” says Klaus. ‘‘It’s much more important to do what you want to do. In a situation with the Scorpions, it’s working perfect. I don’t need to go out and do an ego star-trip to go out for a solo album, because I can do what I want best in Scorpions. So I’m very happy that I have friends on my side and not just the big business.”

Not just the big business. Sounds like a unique prospect for Americans. Vote Scorpions in '87. What else do American need besides autographs, stitches and rock ’n’ roll?

Oh yeah...vast quantities of this magazine.