BRIT BUZZ

BRIT BUZZ

Sylvie Simmons

Well, it’s over. It’s happened. No more Wham! A nation is in mourning. Couples up and down the country have divorced in sympathy. And what’s this? Can this be true? News is just in that George Michael's earrings have gone solo too! Ear today, gone tomorrow. You think I’m making it up? Take a look at the old pix, then—there they are, large as life, a totally evenly wonderfully-balanced number of studs per lobe, and now there’s only one. On the left. Is that the side that means— oh nevermind, we’ll get the exclusive Britbuzz interview with the wandering earring next issue! And for now, back to the story of the month, the most important happening in living memory: Whamis farewell!

Over 72,000 fans turned up at Wembley Stadium on the warmest day since Live Aid last year, including those ever-newsworthy Excitable Stars With Free Tickets! Here’s Yasmin Le Bon, Simon’s wife, dancing on the edge of the gangway and almost getting kicked out by the security men until manly Steve Strange stepped in to rescue her! And here’s Paula Yates, Sir Saint Bob Geldof’s wife, or girlfriend, depending on which newspaper story you believe (they supposedly ran off to Las Vegas for a quickie secret wedding, but they’ve both denied it), telling anyone who’ll listen that she’s been “sick with excitement three times” and screaming like Marilyn having his eyebrows plucked! (Britbuzz can certainly turn a simile.—Ed.) And you could see why! Up above the stage, having been through the torture of Gary Glitter and Haircut 100 reformed in honor of this momentous occassion, they’re screening Whamis China film, the one where George shows his bottom. Only for a second, but ah, what a second! And here comes George'.—in a little black fringed jacket with some naughty male dancers, followed by Andy in a long black coat, pulling his leather gloves off finger by finger until here he is in a dinky outfit just like George's! You can see why George wanted to get rid of him!!!

And here comes Elton Johndressed as Ronald McDonald! And he and George are crooning “Candle In The Wind” together and it’s lovely, and here comes Simon Le Bon and Yasmin is getting delirious! And George and Andy put their hands ’round each other’s matching jackets and their last word is: “Goodbye.”

Backstage, Elton and his crew are splashing around in a $15,000 swimming pool he had built by his trailer just for the day. What a wag that Elton is! If that’s not bad enough, he presented George with a 10-year-old Reliant, a three-wheeler car usually driven by grand-dads, com with fuzzy dice dangling from themir a present for George having just pi his driving test! Poor old Andy. George sings better than him, George looks better than him, and George drives better than him! Miij well give up. What’s that? He has hear he’s planning to get married When Britbuzz next bumped George he was hobbling, and i nothing to do with Britbuzz bumpi« him either! Seems he pulled a liga when he was impersonating a Boein onstage and his girlfriend’s madi now because he can’t dance wil Still, according to George, girls are mad at him. “If I were a girl I wo come near me,” he told Womans “I’m always falling in and out of low a couple of years I just gorged mysl girls, taking everything I could gd| Anyway, that we all want to! how’s he going to get on without j That’s what Smash Hits asked I all he had to say was: “Well, ob| it’s not going to damage my music| put!” Naughty!

Well, we’ll leave George around the streets of London; sister’s VW—he’s going to auctl Elton’s three-wheeler and buyhirl Mercedes—and overtake Feargal Hharkey, who’s taking racing-car Ksons from a Formula One champ (not ^Kdrew Ridgeley!) and pull up alongside K0y George, who’s been learning to ■drive. Only now he’s been driven into the ^H,spital where he’s undergoing treatment [tf get off drugs.

I|His younger brother David O’Dowd, rock photographer, was the one who oke the story to the press: Boy ■orge’s skinny new bod had nothing to , wjth tropical diseases or mashed-pea ;ts, it was simply, and nastily, heroin diction. George went on TV to deny he 3k drugs, police searched his home, d George was charged with possession heroin. Out on unconditional bail, he’s rrently in a famous drug rehab clinic. Before all this nastiness happened he |s up onstage at the Artists Against rtheid festival in London with the likes ;ade, Princess, Peter Gabriel and is Costello. He almost wasn’t. They to go and drag him out of bed, and the security men wouldn’t let him in ause they didn’t recognize him! Sting : there too—made the World Record irtest Festival Appearance. Two-thirds 'Roxanne” and half of “Message In ottle” as an encore. Poor man’s obworn out what with all these par■o launch his new film, all about put|his solo band together.

where were we? Oh yes, Boy Britbuzz wishes him a speedy ■ One person who won’t be there him is 18-year-old model Alice currenly his ex-girlfriend, was something between us,” said in The Sun, “but at the monot speaking to her. The reason ” he added, “is because she like a boy...I’m into tomboys and funny haircuts.”

Hucknall of Simply Red, now a funny haircut! So funny that his nickname at school was always "Brillo Pad.” And Mick Jagger's got a pretty funny haircut, something to do with a rapidly-receding hairline. Mick’s supposedly getting treatment for hair loss before he ends up looking like Phil Collins. And Dale Bozzio of Missing Persons, she’s got a very funny haircut. Matches the rest of her, says Britbuzz. But this hasn’t stopped Prince—and his amorous pursuit of the lady. Prince has been over his side of the Atlantic shooting a video, and wandering around in a coat made out of the very same material as the Pope’s robes...!

What’s this about Grace Jones making a bonfire out of $25,000 worth of boyfriend Dolph Lundgren’s new clothes because they're not manly enough? I don’t know what the world’s coming to! If that isn’t bad enough, Falco bought a first-class ticket so that his fivefoot-tall, Dio-sized teddy bear could fly over to the States with him; he fed it champagne and cookies all the way. And the Cure were wandering around the Glastonbury Festival, taking their teddy bears for walks on leashes...

Dire Straits—let’s get some sensible news in before it’s too late!—have been denying newspaper reports that they plan' to break up. How would Princess Diana cope without her favorite band, for one thing? Di dragged Prince Charles out of the palace and off to Wembley to see Mark Knopfler duet with Sting on “Money For Nothing,” George Michael duet with Paul Young on “Every Time You Go Away,” David Bowie duet with Mick Jagger on “Dancing In The Streets.” Also joining in the charity-show fun were Tina Turner, Howard Jones, Rod Stewart, Paul McCartney, Level 42, Status Quo and Big Country.

And Britain isn’t a very big country, which is why you’re getting more George Michael news! Here he is on national radio telling us we can do anything to him, except compare him with Daryl Hall, who shall henceforth be referred to in George Michael terms as: “classically wallyish.” George doesn’t think much of Annie Lennox either. “She has always lacked what I consider soul, any real honesty or genuine tone of her voice.”

Julian Lennon does not like going to the dentist. Uh-uh. Something to do with a nasty American tooth-doctor giving him gas at the age of five and pulling his molars out while he was still half awake! So he comes over to good, kind, merry England every time he needs a check-up since he’s found one here that doesn’t hurt.

Talking of teeth, did you know Freddie Mercury and Queen always have a nice game of Scrabble before they go onstage? Maybe they can get a job doing a commercial for the thing; A-Ha have just got one doing ads for cameras, and one of Amazulu is doing an underarm deodorant ad.

Stop, press! Andy and George have just been on the radio talking about reforming—one day, in one shape or another. And until that happens, the Bay City Rollers have come back to keep us company. Last time we looked, their followers had camped outside their houses! Britbuzz is off to get its sleeping bag out of the mothballs. See you next time...