LETTERS

LETTERS

Please send your letters to:

Mall Dept. CREEM Magazine

• P.O. Box P-1064

Birmingham, Ml 48012.

DUDE/DOKKEN DEBACLE DECRIED'

I can usually hang with the strange, sarcastic approach your magazine takes, but in the May ’86 issue, man, this Jeff Morgan and his mega-bogus review of the totally jammin’ new Dokken LPwell, he can just blaze! Being a journalist myself, I can vibe to the style of the review, the two dudes find the box of Dokken LPs down here in Florida. But then they start in with the b.s.—“This won’t pass for heavy metal,’’ or whatever. Get off it. bud. Under Lock And Key is a solid drartlkin' rock album. The guys in Dokkert are great! They look good and know how to construct decent music!! So. Mr. Morgan. I hope vou catch Doi^fe^OOhcert—then yG.uli/Clifnge yourimlm!

Michelle Paris!

Lantana, FL

FRED: A NO VEL

Fred eats bfefsrTySks make Fred strong and big. Beets give Fred smarts. Beet ew uniye~~aI equation: Beet$~.. Fred Power Total Cosmic. Bee~can doior you what eets do for Frec~Trust Love wets. Get Bee's r~+c~ &~r~a,

Psycho Fred

Edmonton. Alberta. Canada

SALES CRISIS IN N.Y.!

YourJ|jjggginje sucks! Maybe if you take out the insults about the people that sell your magazine. Hr subscribe!

Fred Miller, Jr

Poughkeepsie NY

(And give up the ballet 'essons^—Ed.)

STARSHIP VS. MIGHTY BOBm

1: Is Bobo animal, vegetable or m i n e r a I

2: Wouldn't it be cool if the Starship blew up, sort of like the space shuttle?

Unsigned

Phoenix AZ

(1: It's extremely in sen si F/VE-SICK e ven —to delve into the nature of The Svmmetrically-Nam^TNmf^Fmjbeti—Ed.)

COVER STORY BLUNDERS EXPLAINED!

The Van Halen Fan Club has been indefinitely terminated. We are returning to you your payment.

Thank you for your loyal support. We will inform you in the future when we plan to continue operations.

PMC Manufacturing, Inc.

P.O. Box 2150

Hollywood, CA 90028

GUCCIONE, JR. OPTS FOR PSEUDONYM!

I have been reading CREEM for about four years, and over the years I have come to adore the humor, sarcasm, insults, satire and the simple lack of tact in the magazine. I viewed thes6 features as refreshing, intellectual and radical, making the magazine almost a masterpiece in its own right.

However, recently—especially since the change in ownership—the publication has been lacking these qualities. Just like the “all rock ’n’ roll station” in our town turned to Top 40, CREEM seems like it’s becoming bland, just like all the other r ’n’ r magazines available at the present time. Just to see that I was not imagining things, I compared the May 1986 issue with the April 1984 issue. The letters in the 1984 issue were actually funny, some even hilarious, like the one that read: ‘‘People who listen to heavy metal are almost as smart as people who read CREEM.” If a magazine jets itself be slandered like this, well, that’s the most courageous, entertaining thing I’ve ever heard of. The letters in the 1986 issue just don’t have that brilliant aspect. Also, the insulting comebacks from (-Ed.) are nowhere to be seen.

One thing CREEM has been famous for is the derogatory captions by the pictures it prints. In the 1984 issue, enough entertainment is provided by these things alone for the price of the magazine, and even before getting to the middle of the issue. A good one next to a David Lee Roth picture reads: "Is that a pocket full of moldy cottage cheese or does David Lee just love himself?” Just a few pages later is a Debbie Harry picture with the words: " ‘All my best hairdo’s,’ Debbie wept ‘now rubble!’” The joke is that an alleged Nikki Sixx quote was published in that same issue, similarly worded, only it was lip gloss. I’m happy to write that I found quite a few amusing captions in the 1986 magazine. It seems that improvement has started— they seem better than the ones in the past few issues. Keep it up; there’s still room for improvement.

While I’m writing about positive things, I’d like to point out that the return of the old way of printing the calendar and the return of ‘‘Boy Howdy Profiles” were smart moves.

On the subject of Boy Howdy, I know how ridiculous this must seem, but one thing that made CREEM unique was that old boy himself signifying the end of an article, unlike dots or triangles that other magazines use. It was such a simple thing, but it was great! The one feature missing from the new CREEM that absolutely must return is Kiss & Tell. Although it was new to CREEM in a way, it was wonderful at spreading rumors and interesting tidbits, written in that hilarious style the magazine is known for. Also, please bring back the Heee Desk, the He’p Desk, Binky and Elmo.

To close up, I’d like to thank the makers of the magazine for bringing back the same old writers, for salvaging Eleganza and for the informative articles on the new groups and movements. The writers for CREEM are better at what they do than any staff on any newspaper or magazine I’ve read.

Tanya Timoshenko

Rocky River, OH

POLL ISH JOKE

Hey, you guys finally saved me a few bucks. I got an issue in the mail before I saw it at Tower Records. It’s a great issue, too (the one with Bono on the cover). You guys are really smoking now!

The reader’s poll results were pretty good. One thing I can’t understand, though: how could Springsteen’s Born In The U.S.A. get voted in again this year? It came out last year. And in the intro you even say you hope it gets in next year. What’s going on here?

THE JESUS & MARY & M HOLDSHIP WEAK LINK

l 1 wanted to thank you for the article Bill Holdship did on the Jesus & Mary Chain. ] They've been my favorite band of life for awhile and your article about them JaBi the best I’ve read so far. I was hoping they weren't as pretentious as you'd made them seem, but now I don't know what to think. I’ve seen them play three times, twice in San Diego and once in San~Francisco. The~San Diego shows were 900d. but the S.F. show sucked. Jim Reid was really tucked up and he was acting like a real dick. He was throw ing the mike around and kicking the drums over and he dropped his guitar about five times. (I think it'S a fake guitar-he treats it so badly and he didn't play it at all.) He was pretty disgusting. You know. I've idolized this band for five months and then Jim Reid has to go and act like a pretentious asshole and make me hate him/them.

Oh, and you know how you said something about their oral sex fixation? Well, have I got a good one for you. See those numbers on the 12" Just Like Honey" import single? Well, my friend said, "Wouldn't it be funny if they add ed up to 69?" Guess what? They do.

Anyway, thanks for the article~ it gave me some insight on their act, or whatever it is. Psychocandy is stilt my favorite record, but I think the Jesus & Mary Chain boys are real kooks.

Karolyn Kennett

San Francisco. CA

John McCutcheon

San Francisco, CA

(An all-night checkers match to decide your ultimate fate. What’s going on there? -Ed.)

HEADER TRAGICALLY PREFERS CULT TO SMITHS, FARSIGHTED ED. DEMURS

Here I sit, frying some burgers (kiss off, Morrissey), reading CREEM. Ah, excellent. U2 named top band of ‘85 by fellow readers. But I’m miffed by John Taylor’s win as best bassist. By crumbs! Gaspo!

Anyway, I applaud the article on Bono. Sure beats the stale crap on MTV (mainly trashy vids)—but a Smiths calendar?! Give me a flamethrower! Besides, I’ll hold a gun to Morrissey’s head and force him to run his hands through fresh ground beef! The ultimate torture!

One more thing—uh, Billy Duffy turns me on. I guess my female hormones are attuned to spikey blonds who play mean guitars—grrr! Let me get my hands on your love beads, Billy.

Unsigned

Little Rock, AR

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Marketing Director, Networks, Inc.

Austin, TX