AC/DC

Fly On The Wall (Atlantic Video) BON JOVI Breakout GIRLSCHOOL Play Dirty Live HANOI ROCKS All Those Wasted Years HELIX

IRON MAIDEN Behind The Iron Curtain VARIOUS ARTISTS New From London (all Sony Video)

Oddly enough, the last time each of these bands played here in Detroit, I was home washing my hair. Thus I'm enormously grateful for this opportunity to see every single one of them in what must be the best setting possible: my house, You can bet it was a week I won’t soon forget!

For starters, there’s Helix, hey sure stink. This Video 45

includes an imaginative remake of Crazy Elephant’s “Gimme Gimme Good Lovin’” that must be the controversial video everyone’s always talking about. They just “play” while beautiful girls parade around for no reason other than Helix is quite ugly and they look better. There are three other videos, including one that features a female body-builder who looks pretty good, too. All told, Helix is very bad and shouldn’t be allowed to make records anymore.

Next up is Bon Jovi. At least these guys aren’t ugly. Their music’s no good, though; you can’t really call it heavy metal, because there’s a trace of melody and actual “song structure” in the five videos included here. Wasn’t “Runaway” sort of popular? Anyway, I’m amazed at how mundane these videos are. How can these bands stomach being portrayed as incredibly virile, handsome, intelligent hunks that just happen to play rock music when they’re not off saving the world, when—as one can plainly see—they are just sort of dumb and stupid-looking?

I would be embarrassed if I were them.

Just between you and me, aren’t Iron Maiden unbelievable? Behind The Iron Curtain depicts the British metal quintet in—-and I’m not making this up— Poland. It’s a “documentary” of the guys’ “Eastern European Leg” of their so called “World Slavery Tour ’84,” and it’s mindbogglingly dumb. First of all, the band is shown playing too much —with all that gorgeous scenery, why waste valuable time on lead singer Bruce Dickinson, whose leotards make him look something of a sissy in the first place? Mind you, musically the band is not altogether bad—both of Maiden’s guitarists are capable players, though not exactly inspirational. And I suppose it’s a blessing in disguise that the lyrics Dickinson attempts to sing are indecipherable most of the time. What’s especially annoying, though, is that voice of his! Plainly, he has no business singing in any sort of band whatsoever. He’s no good.

On a more positive note, Girlschool are girls. Play Dirty Live comes wrapped in a box bearing an artist’s rendition of Girlschool as feline, erotic she-beasts, if you will. Unfortunately, as former guitarist Kelly Johnson is no longer a part of the band, the artist has, shall we say, overstated his case rather dramatically. There is nothing very pleasant to look at in Play Dirty Live, nor is there anything exceptional to hear. Guitarist Kim McAuliffe, who founded the band, introduces each and every one of the band’s songs in a manner reminiscent of Slade’s Noddy Holdqr —who, of course, did his own irpj troducing many years ago. Full, thermore, the audience at Lor|| don’s Marquee, where this live performance was taped, seems dim-witted, dull and generally unenthusiastic. And the band seems quite aware of it. Perhaps shows later in the month were better.

New From London is actual ill a “variety” show, featuring live performances by metal band! like DiAnno and Sledgehammer, odd bands like Freuil Amazulu and King Kurt, and Australia’s spectacular Mootfists—whose two numberdjj “Machine Machine’’ anil “That’s How You’ll Cry,” aril certainly this compilation’s highlight. I’m not sure about this, but I believe DiAnno is named after its lead singer, whom was one! a member of Iron Maiden but got kicked out or something. One look at him and you’ll know whyjjj There’s two ways to look at this sort of thing: 1) there’s someljj thing here for everybody, or£\ more likely, 2) no one in his right mind could watch every band here without wanting to brutally strangle at least three of themfl

strangle And AC/DC’s Fly On The Wall is quite imaginative, actually. It’s a 27 minute “creative short’jj featuring the song of the same name, “Danger,” “Sink The* Pink,” “Stand Up” and “ShakeYour Foundations.” I won’t disjjjj close the plot, as such, but I willsay that AC/DC are certainly the best metal band here, and thie® videotape is surprisingly good. I recommend it highly.

The best of the bunch, thoughf, is Hanoi Rocks’ All Thosejm Wasted Years. Never exactly a, metal band, Hanoi—seen here in 1983 in London’s Marquee— . seem rooted in that Rolling Stones, New York Dolls type of chug that, when viewed in the company of these other tapes, is very much welcome. Beginning with a version of “Pipeline” and ending with the Stooges’ “I Feel Alright,” “Train Kept A Rollin’,” “Under My Wheels” and “Blitzkrieg Bop,” All Those Wasted Years documents a band that was in the process of successfully combining many disparate factions of music into one complete whole. The tape’s name is even more ironic with the death Of drummer Razzle last year.

I In summation, I would very much like to join an up-andcoming heavy metal band and make a lot of money. I guess that’s about it.

TWO PARTS I WATER, ONE I PART OIL

by Billy Altman

j I’m afraid you’re going to 1 Have to forgive me if this I month’s installment of Video I Video starts out a little wobbly. You see, I’m sitting here trying ||o figure out how to best get right to the heart of what I want to talk /about, but, unfortunately, the |loap box is not the place I’m most accustomed to speaking ' from. Nonetheless, there doesn’t Ifleem to be any way around this, $o I guess I better just let it out and see where it goes:

I don’t like “Sun City.” I don’t Jike the song and I don’t like the Bideo. And I’ll tell you why. It’s not that the old saw about politics and art not mixing is true, because I don’t believe that and neither should you. The longer you live on the planet, and the more you’re in charge of your .Jjpwn life, the more you realize /that just about everything in life is political, and that your words *|and actions invariably involve some form of politics. Still, treadpng on specific political grounds fSwith art can often be quite a Bricky business. There’s good politics and there’s bad politics, and, clearly, coming down on the anti-apartheid side of things in regard to South Africa is, if you’re a thinking, feeling human being, good politics. But that doesn’t make “Sun City” a good song or its visual presentation a good video. There are ways to get one’s point across, and, frankly, “Sun City” ranks rather low on my list of both important points and ways of geting that point across.

I suppose that my first major gripe stems from the fact that, in the grand scheme of things, a group of rock personalities deciding not to play the South African resort town of Sun City seems a rather backwards approach to any hopes of rallying anybody towards change in that troubled country. As the saying used to go, you’re either part of the problem or part of the solution, and it seems to me that the message of “Sun City” somehow turns things away from what should be addressed—namely that a group of people are being denied fundamental human rights and are being repressed, jailed, and even killed because of the color of their skin—and instead shifts attention towards these “righteous” rock folk and their stand. It’d be one thing if the song said that not only wouldn’t these artists play Sun City, but that they were going to go play in the black ghettos and put themselves on the line. But, honestly, there’s not much on the line here: “I,I,I,I,I ain’t gonna play Sun City,” indeed. Notice which word is repeated over and over again in the chorus. The focus is just plain off, and it never winds up where it belongs—namely, on the plight of the people and the help they need.

As far as the video is concerned, the message is even further blurred. Images of South African Blacks being persecuted and beaten are juxtaposed with this big hootenanny of stars in which almost all of them are celebrating their unity. Either that or they’re making smug-looking antagonistic gestures to the camera. It’s off-putting and it bothers me. I’d be the last one in the world to criticize good intentions, but here’s a textbook example of good intentions not being enough by miles and miles. “Sun City,” is unfortunately, nothing more than some people whose lives are pretty damned good patting themselves on the back for having some political consciousness. Where I live, that and a buck gets you on the subway.

SNAP SHOTS

Yes, But Is It Aryan? Arcadia, “Election Day”—y’know, back in their early “Hungry Like The Wolf” and “Rio” days, when they were just brash twerps with protruding expense accounts, I never minded LeBon and Co.’s antics too much. “Election Day,” however, moves their Lifestyles of the Rich and Bored/Mondo Decadento image to a new plane of sleazoid consciousness; next thing you know, they’ll probably try a takeover bid on Frankie Goes To Hollywood. For your next hair coloring choice, Simon,

I suggest a nice medium brown —to match your politics. Andjj speaking of hair color...Peroxide Is A Girl’s Best Friend: The Flirts, “You and Me”—Let’s puts it this way: I don’t think Ban an* arama has anything to worr|| about...Grand Funk Brain TranJS fer Successful! Motley Cruet “Home Sweet Home”—Gad§| zooks! Not only a ballad, but one that sounds just like “I’m Your Captain”! You mean there’! hope for these tattoo hate boysj Stay tuned!...Only The Good Dij Young—Shucks: Asia, “Go”-ii Look, I’ve heard of implausible plots before, but anybody that would actually risk their life to deliver a message to John Wetton probably deserves whatever they get. And why is it that I keep seeing this video in tandem witB Jon Anderson’s latest? Is this 8 commie pinko progressive rocj§; plot or what?...

Hatin’ Every Minute Of Ip Loverboy, “Dangerous”—The good news is that Mike Reno seems to have finally abandorj ed his headband. The bad news, is that the rest of him is still there... Ask Not Whom The Haj| Weave, It Weave For Thee: Elton John, “Wrap Her Up”'—j dunno—somehow, the idea of Elt and George Michael waxing rhapsodic about Doris Day and then pushin’ a cream pie in Kiki Dee’s face ain’t exactly my ideB of fun. Besides, the Village Pec® pie were much better at this sort of thing, if you know what I mean...Now That’s What I Call Alive And Kicking! Aerosmith, “Let the Music Do The Talking”—I can’t vouch for the rest of their album, but this song does come under the category of major miracles, non? I mean! Tyler’s jacket still fits and. everything!...! Told Two Friend® Then They Told Two Friend* Then...: Oingo Boingo, “Just Another Day”—There’s som« thing about a video featurinjjj twin xylophonists, Roman ruins, and an army of women who am look like Kate Bush that gets mj| going. Then again, no xylophorjl ists, no ruins, and one womajl who looks like Kate Bush getB me going.