LETTERS

LETTERS

DEPARTMENTS

Please send your letters to: Mail Dept., CREEM Magazine P.O. Box P-1064 Birmingham, Ml 48012.

DE FISH FRY P’OCEEDS!

I went out and bought a few other rock magazines because you guys were late coming to the store this month. So I bought Circus, Record, Hit Parader and a couple others not worth mentioning. At least I didn’t sink so low as to buy 16. Anyway, this experience brought me back to an old issue of CREEM where you hang the other mags “out to dry.” When it came out I thought it wasn’t right to put down the others that way. Now, I see the light. From now on I will buy none other than America’s Only, unless of course, my honey Robert Plant is.on the cover.

Mary

Newark, NJ

ITALIAN MOTHER OF THREE WRITES

I was shocked by your recent article on R.E.M. Besides the fact that it was long overdue, it was actually a very good article. Recently I wrote a letter to you stating that I was pissed off at your mag for not having a decent article in it. Well/1 have come to the conclusion that your September issue was pretty good. I hope the good work continues. I am not sorry for the other letter ’cause CREEM really has sucked lately with all the heavy metal crap. Thanks for the well-deserved break.

A Real Groover

Roswell, GA

NAIL OF THE FLATWORMS

Yo, Holdship! Stephen Davis’s soon-tobe trash-classic isn’t as uncontested as you think: on June 4th, Robert Plant was asked a question on a live interview program about Led Zepplin books in general and Hammer Of The Gods in particular. The complete text (I taped it) of what he said on the book was: “The kind of sensationalist type of book which I believe Hammer Of The Gods is—somebody mentioned a couple of bits and pieces from it—it’s apparently written by a guy who nobody in the band ever met. And it’s kind of a concoction, to me, of all the kind of stories that you could ever possibly imagine that either can’t happen or happened to somebody else, and it’s what I call bad taste stuff. Would I do anything like that (a book on Led Zeppelin)? Well, my memories are very, very fond and I had a wonderful time, and so did most of the people who we came across along the line...”

“Morality study of power?” Ha! You did a much better job on Albert Goldman.

Kathy

Mt. Airy, MD

(But, in fact, Stephen Davis did interview Led Zeppelin at one point in their career, as is stated in Hammer Of The Gods.—Ed.)

THE JESUS & MARY CHAIN: REST NEW HAND YET!

I am writing in response to your review of Jack Chick’s tract, Reverend Wonderful.

I suggest the reviewer know what he’s talking about the next time he writes something about Jesus. I’m surprised he has such a “good guy” image of a man who said “I came not to bring peace, but a sword.”

To quote C.S. Lewis: A man who was merely a man and said the sort of things Jesus said would not be a great moral teacher. Either he was and is the Son of God or a madman—or something worse. You can shut him up for a fool; you can spit at him and kill him as a demon; or you can fall at his feet-and call him Lord and God. But let us not have any patronizing nonsense about him being a great human teacher. He has not left that open to us.

Of course, I doubt if you have the guts to print this letter. And I doubt if I will ever see Stryper interviewed either.

Darin DePew

Colorado Springs, CO

THIRD SENTENCE TELLS ALL!

I wish you guys would have more news on Yes. They had a huge album and tour last year, and you didn’t print a thing on them. This is so stupid. How do you feel when a group you like a lot comes out and everyone ignores them? Well, that’s how I feel.

Yes Fan

Decatur, IN

ED. FEELS WEIGHT O’ THE WORLD!

I was amazed but pleased that you published so many letters airing the current caption problem. Now that it’s all out in the open, I hope we can expect a speedy return to the Golden Age of CREEM captions. The October captions were weirder, but still, alas, unfunny. CREEM is my favorite mag, whichis why I m sending you this wonderful, strange postcard—hope your inspiration returns soon.

A Devoted Reader St. Petersburg, FL

AROUND THE BLOCK IN A DAY!

Prince!

See Prince?

See? See Prince prance? See Prince priss?

Prince has prissy purple prancing dancing ants in his pants!

Dick & Jane Go Insane Binky, WA

FUTURE FOR FATTOS!

To the respected readers of CREEM: Are you fat? No, I mean FAT. I mean, do you look in the mirror and immediately slip into fits because of funny bumps that look like extra limbs? Don’t despair! Do the following and that fat will slide right off:

1)Don’t eat things with fat in them. When things have fat in them, eating them will mean more fat in you. If you don’t believe believe this, then you deserve to be fat.

2) Don’t eat when you are hungry. Your body is ready to suck in a ton of stuff on such occasions. Wait until you don’t feel like eating before making a salivasoaked mixture out of whatever lives in your kitchen. But then, why bother eating when you aren’t hungry? With practice, you can train yourself to eat nothing but a light meal, say, once a week.

3) Imagine your food is living, and has feelings. Unless you’re sick in the head you won’t want to peel that banana, because that would cause it considerable pain. Also, imagine that materials such as meat and fish are living pieces of flesh full of veins ’n’ stuff.

4) Think about where the food came from, and what it really is. Carrots are actually big roots that grow in the ground. If the carrot in your fridge still has leaves, put it in a glass of water and watch the roots grow (gross). Meat is really pieces of dead muscle that helped a smelly animal move around. Of course, blood flowed through it. I won’t say anything about milk and eggs.

5)There is no number five; I’m being deliberately annoying. I’m going now. I have to eat a piece of licorice. (Heee!)

Ron Lalonde Inuvik, N.W.T., Canada

NEXT VICTIM...STREAKY!

Just you tell all those nasty music people to stop doing weird things to my pal Krypto! He came home yelping last night with “Binky, I Love You” written on his fur in hot pink lipstick! (And tell Madonna that I threw out that yecchy cattle prod with her name on it!)

Kenneth Feola Pembroke Pines, FL

GLEN FREY?

WHAT ABOUT DE FISH FRY??

I would like to have some background information and personal statistics on Mr. Glenn Frey, including his mailing address. Can you assist me in my search? Melanie Fankhauser Columbus, OH

HEAVEN/NO BEER THEORY RE EXAMINED

In response to Jay Liu’s letter to the effect that Jesus Christ, “The One Lord,” rocks (a statement which, incidentally; I would think would be blasphemous for an individual of religious persuasion), a letter which actually congratulated you for printing something about Christian metal-' mongers Stryper (and wh'y.you decided to do that I’ll never know; I’m just glad I missed that wonderful little tidbit), I’d like to offer some words from the only band that really matters, Depeche Mode. By way of introduction, I’d like to say that for those of us who have the strength to live life on our own, who realize both our achievements and our failures as our own responsibilities and no one (nothing?) else’s, who perceive the injustices of not only the world in general but, more importantly, of day-to-day life, and do notneed any assistance from nonexistent “superior” beings—these words go quite a ways towards summarizing our stand against the inherent weakness of religion and, in Bowie’s words, the weakness in “Believing the strangest things/Loving the alien.’.’

“I donAt want to start any blasphemous rumors/But I think that God’s got a sick sense of humor/And when I die, I expect to find him laughing.”

Brad Stone

Miami, FL