BRITMETAL: Krokus Eats It

BRITMETAL: Krokus Eats It

Sylvie Simmons

Some are born to columns; others have columns thrust upon then. A good deal more comfortable than having women thrust upon you, but such is the lot of today’s HM (“We are not heavy metal!") band! Take Krokus’ Fernando Von Arb. Go ahead, you wouldn’t be the first. The man learned English from groupies! “A rock band is not a bunch of monks,’’ he told Metallion. “When you offer us a good steak, we eat it, know what I mean?’’ Indeed I don’t, fasting as I am to purify myself for the impending walkacross-the-water of St. Bruce of New Jersey! Even the corporate CBS is being shut down for the day when St. Bruce gets to London for his Wembley shows. Naturally there are Judases, notably the residents of the Wembley area who brought in the Environmental Health Committee to try and stop the show, citing noise pollution, but it’ll take more than that to stop Bossteen! And what are all those boxes they’re unloading by the waterside? Loaves and fishes? Nope, Nautilus equipment! St. Bruce had it sent ahead of him to keep him in shape for his tour. Or was it his marriage? Britain is still reeling under the news. Our only consolation is Fernando Von Arb revealing he might soon be a bachelor boy once again...

They came in their thousands, walking towards the shrine, heads bowed, bells jangling, or in convoys of brightly painted vans. St. Bruce disciples? No, they’re too busy waiting by their letter boxes to see if the postie’s brought them their mailorder tickets! Hippies, turned up as thj have done every year to celebraj summer solstice at Stonehenge time police roadblocks tumj A battle ensued, resul]j| too-familiar “excess headlines the are worried.

ery ich this 00 pounds pitch-sized biggest P.A., a watts. Deep Purple g, with Meat Loaf, oys, Blackfoot, UFO and ions on the bill. After that, the rpions are off to do a festival in Malaysia. Can’t make it? Don’t worry, they’re filming it, and you’ll probably see it late summer on MTV or HBO, after which they’ll flog it as a home video.

Where would we be without a Michael Schenker rumor? Tr Micky’s brother Ri fession, is goinj Nein, says^ them ani battl

>r Alex

looking for Hous in his upstory. Rick ParQuo has contented forking with a stunt man— "a single with one Eddie Kidd. "Twist: they met after Eddie’s nowPwife moved in with Rick...But what’s 'Francis Rossi's pal Samantha Fox, she of the often-unclothed body, doing? Posing for naughty pictures with— guess—David Cassidy!!!

David should take up something more healthy. Like mountaineering. Like Billy Squier. Hell, the press release is so good I’ll just quote it verbatim. “Billy Squier is planning to take a mountaineering trip to the Himalayan country of Nepal. Squier explains that he is motivated to take the trip by two attractions: ‘I love the thrill of the unknown. And I want to get there before David Lee Roth!’’’

Meanwhile, the Clash have been up in the frozen North of England, busking, playing all-acoustic greatest-hits sets outside pubs and in shopping malls, to get close to the people. Or as it was so nicely put in an NME cartoon, ‘‘Probably so that people will write lots of articles in the papers asking why the Clash are going around busking...”

So tired, tired of waiting...new partners Gary Moore and Phil Lynott put on nice little outfits to work as waiters for an evening to help raise money for a London children’s charity. John Entwis helped out, too.

OK, you’ve waited long enougj^^^^l

THE WHITESNAKE M Murray of Whites John Locke of Spirit alifornia a hand on t he’s been recording i im over a year, an tour v, it. A the ties on the sses up as broken on his ic drill...and Ace x-Kiss star, whose met has got a deal with Bronze Records—the very that Motorhead are et away from! Or at ere—only we’ve ar his home in New York, charged with tryinc pills with a forged prescription_

You had to buy your own liquor.at Uriah Heep’s end-ofTpur party, so only

the hardcore liggers were there: Lemmy, Fin of Waysted Bruce and Nicko of Iron Maiden and Jody Foster of Rock Goddess The latter have just scrapped their new album and are lookfor a new producer, not to mentior new record label Girlschool have a new LP out. Running Wild In The U.S.. but for some reason not yet in Britain Guitarist Robin Trower's got a new album on the way. Beyond The Mist, part studio, partmve. He’s heading your ^^^^^^Pmmer tour...Jeff Wayne

Worlds fame is working on ^^Pmother epic concept album. Spar;us is all about the slave gladiator, and has taken Jeff three years so far. There’s talk of a stage production and a film to follow.

W.A.S.P. are releasing a half-hour video, Live At The Lyceum, shot in London last year. It includes the encore, ‘‘Animal (Fuck Like A Beast)”... A 90-minute AC/DC live-in-Paris video featuring the late Bon Scott on vocals, Let There Be Rock, is also on the way.

Phil Lynott and Rick Wakeman are among the charitable folk who bashed out a new version of Gerry & The Pacemakers' "‘You’ll Never Walk Alone”—adopted these days as a football anthem—to raise money for victims of the horrible fire at Bradford Football Stadium...According to newspaper reports, Graham Oliver of Saxon should be singing “I’ll Never Walk Again.” The guitarist was supposed to be permanently paralyzed from a nasty illness; turns out he spent a couple of days in hospital in Germany when some prawns he ate didn’t agree with him...Raven came home after canceling their U.S. tour: at one show the stage curtain caught fire, at the next the P.A. fell on top of Rob Hunter, the drummer, and broke his arm...And a “fan” almost lused a nasty injury to Pussy of X by sticking a finger down his jockstrao during their gig at London’s Marquee.

Genesis are about to split up by

‘‘mutual consent. L according to Phil Collins, who ought to know...Mercyful Fate have just lost frontman King Diamond. But Holly Johnson of Frankie Goes To Hollywood has not lost his taste. Asked by The Sun newspaf ) 10 records of all time, he cited Pink Floyd. Van Halen and Motorhes