RECORDS

RECORDS

DIAMONDS ARE A BLOND’S BEST FRIEND!

DAVID LEE ROTH Crazy From The Heat

(Warner Bros.)

Cookouts in the Year of the Weenie were always fun and this one was proving no exception:

Gene Rayburn was there; Art James too, Richard Dawson was smooching everyone in sight and having it all videotaped, seems he had some big deal going with a vid-bootlegger in Iran; Charles Nelson Reilly, eyes all atwinkle, was brandishing braided whips composed entirely of blonde human hair in each slug-like hand as he nervously extolled the eco-biologic

impact of Paul Newman's latest culinary incursion—designer beets—other celebs and cherubs were huddled about in a great anticipatory puddle anxiously awaiting the arrival of the great god Monty, whose Lear Jet was presently screaming through the skies over the Midwest with the great god himself safely tucked away inside grinning and nudging a herd of doom-nymphs as he titillated them with sexridden sin tales of what just EXACTLY went on behind Door No. 4, all the while in the back of his mind trying to deal with the idea of this cookout he was being whisked away to.

Seated crosslegged at the bottom of his cock-shaped swimming pool, dressed in his glittering silver designer scuba-tux, the host of this here cookout, this weenie roast of cosmic synchronicity, Diamond David Lee did grin a Buddha’s all-knowing grin. He knew. Even more than that, he knew that he knew that he knew.

“Nothing new,’’ he bubbled up, scanning through azure waters as his party guests silently knoshed on wieners of all sizes and shapes. “Nothing new at all,” he bubbled again, eyes squinting as the twilight’s last gleaming highfived itself against the.dull peaks of the Hollywood Hills. Lulling there bobbing gently from side to side Diamond David Lee shrugged his shoulders and turned up his waterproof barrio-blaster letting the boozy glory of Dean Martin’s edition of “Tears Of A Clown” waft lazily through his ears. Perhaps he’d cover this song on his next EP, or maybe it’d go over better as a metallized hit for Van Halen. Decisions, decisions, decisions.

As far as this side trip into the Roth Zone goes, it’s probably not all that far from reality seeing’s how David Lee Roth has purposefully and passionately decided to become the Clown Prince of Rock ‘n’ Roll. Everything this boy does is tongue-in-cheek and refreshingly unpretentious in its pretentiousness. Take for example this here Crazy From The Heat EP. Four songs as diverse as they are similar. The King of the Cover outdoes himself on this one, and certainly paves the way for more brilliant forays into coverdom. He’s actually verging on becoming the first ever hard-rocking Pat Boone—think about it. Four songs, as I started to say before, four songs, "Easy Street,” “Just A Gigolo,” "Coconut Grove,” and the indomitable “California Girls,” that are proven cabaret tough, four songs with definite identities of their own. Yet when put under the thumb of Diamond Dave they become distinctly his and his alone; and that, my friends, is the sure sign of a good singer. “California Girls” is an inspired interpretation that’s actually, and this is the first time it’s happened for me, enhanced by the MTVideo, and besides—like I recently overheard someone say—“At least Brian can buy a new sandbox now.” “Just A Gigolo” is beyond description. Dan Hartman’s “Easy Street” oughtta be the next single. The Lovin’ Spoonful’s “Coconut Grove” is as sublime a cover as I’ve ever heard. So what more can I say—“Crazy From The Heat” is crazed, thermal and fascinating. And it left me wanting to hear more. Can Diamond David Lee keep it up through an entire LP? Only the future will tell, only the future.

Joe Fernbacher

THE FIRM

(Atlantic)

MARTIN: Now we’re going to review the album by the Firm.

JESSE: Jimmy Page is in the band, we should mention that.

MARTIN: Urn, Jimmy Page is in this band. So is Paul Rodgers. So is Chris Slade, who’s a bald guy who plays drums and used to be in Manfred Mann's Earth Band and was with David Gilmour—who I recently saw.

JESSE: How utterly fascinating!

MARTIN: Then there’s a bass player, a new star, according to an inteview with Jimmy Page, an exclusive interview I should add, that, uh, mentions his name is Tony Franklin and he’s amazing, he plays a fretless bass and he plays with such precision that apparently an audience was moved and stunned at his incredible expertise. It made him a star that night.

HAL: That’s kind of a touching story you’re telling.

MARTIN: Yeah, it is touching.

HAL: Well, how’s the album in your estimation? You’ve listened to it.

MARTIN: Well, have you guys listened to the album?

HAL: I’ve heard a cut.

JESSE: I’ve heard a cut. I haven’t heard the album, although I’d like to, eventually. MARTIN: Well, let me tell you what I think about the album, because I played it.

HAL: What do you think, Martin?

MARTIN: Well, what I think about the album— OK, now first of all, I’ve always loved Jimmy Page’s guitar style, I think he’s great. I didn’t like Led Zeppelin too much after their first album, understandably, but...

HAL: I liked the second album.

MARTIN: I didn’t like that, I thought it was crap. Nonetheless, I always thought Page was fine; I liked him in the Yardbirds best. When I heard the song “Radioactive,” I said “Hey, this guitar work sort of sounds like the YardbirdsV' That would be great—if Page got rid of all the excess and shit he pulled in Led Zeppelin and got back to short, concise, great guitar playing. And, I should say, when I heard Paul Rodgers was in the Firm, I thought, “Hey, ya know, I used to like Free.” Never liked Bad Company, hardly at all—I thought he sounded too samey all the time when he sang. But I thought this could be a good partnership. Now, one other thing: I just so happened to see the ARMS benefit at Madison Square Garden, ’cause I’m a world traveler and have lots of class. And at that concert, Page and, uh, Rodgers played together, and it was OK, it was sorta exciting to see two, quote, legends of rock, unquote, together. And it was just thrilling—Jimmy seemed a little sloppy, however, and I was actually more inspired watching the tremendous guitarist Jeff Beck. HAL: Were you embarrassed sort of by...uh... Jimmy’s playing?

MARTIN: I was sorta embarrassed, yeah. Jimmy embarrassed me when he played an acoustic version -of “Stairway To Heaven.” It was not only not touching, it was sort of sickening.

HAL: Why do you think Jim would do that to you?

MARTIN: He’s a nice guy, and I can only hope that at one point he didn’t happen to know— through his knowledge of the occult—that I once took a book by Anton LaVay and I burned it. I considered it hideous. Uh, in any case, I ignore Jimmy’s dealings with me personally, ’cause I’m not one of those people that think rock stars know everything about me, including the fact that I want to make fun of them in print and told someone really important that they stunk. I’m getting off track. Let’s say this: I put the record on, it sounded OK—not good, OK. In fact, Paul Rodgers’s voice is getting to me again the same way it got to me when I heard Bad Company. Page’s guitar was pretty good, but as was stated in a recent CREEM review of the very same album, I found myself just getting into Jimmy’s playing when it suddenly stopped—and then we had more of Paul Rodgers. It didn’t sound too bad. The songs themselves didn’t have the melody that one would expect of Page. Uh, the lyrics, were— as usual—dry, stupid and boring.

JESSE: You are really boring me.

MARTIN: Thank you. Uh, the cover of “You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feeling” is not a bad idea. It’s just very hard to believe that Jimmy Page would play on something so stupid. Paul Rodgers has a good voice and he’s a good interpreter of other people’s music. I don’t want to be too harsh on this album ’cause it’s always good to see Jimmy Page back in the music scene. And, some of it I like, in fact. I like “Radioactive”—it’s a real good single. I think it was a really swift move and it was smart that they chose that as their first single, to let everyone know that this isn't quite Led Company. Which would be a tremendous headline for a record review, I should add. Basically, I can only hope that these guys get a little better. They’ll put out another record. They’re gonna tour here, I notice on the...l guess they're gonna start touring at the end of this month...in fact, their first gig is tomorrow night, as we write this! In Dallas, Texas. Son of a gun! HAL: But we don’t write this in Dallas, Texas! MARTIN: Huh?

HAL: You think it'll rain tomorrow? Or do you hope it’ll rain tomorrow?

MARTIN: I hope it rains again tomorrow... JESSE: (Singing) The sun’ll come out tomorrow...

HAL: I guess, to me, the issue is whether Jimmy Page is kind of like yesterday’s papers, as the Rolling Stones once said on their Between The Buttons pop album.

MARTIN: That’s sounds fascinating!

HAL: To me, that’s the issue.

MARTIN: I think...

HAL: Jimmy Page is obviously a fine guitar player, but is he the kind of guitar player that the young listener really wants to listen to? And I have no answers for that.

MARTIN: I happen to have a young guitar player here next to me. What’s your name?

YOUNG GUITAR PLAYER: Bink!

MARTIN: Why, Bink!

HAL: It’s the Bink! It really is!

MARTIN: Bink, would you like to hear Jimmy Page play guitar? You know how he sounds— is he what everyone your age wants to hear? YOUNG GUITAR PLAYER: No!!!

MARTIN: OK, Bink, thanks. (Young guitar player exits) I don’t know, Bink sounded upset. And when Bink doesn’t like something he lets ya know he doesn’t like it!

JESSE: I mean let’s face it—whenever you got Mick Mars, what chance do ya got? (drops checkbook) Oops!

HAL: Why do you go around dropping your checkbook on the floor during a review like this?

MARTIN: Not to mention your pants!

Martin Dio, Jesse Grace & Hal Jordan

FOREIGNER Agent Provocateur

(Atlantic)

(“Tooth And Nail'' plays)

JESSE: I really like the chords to that song, they’re really nice, and it sounds really good— until that guy starts singing. I just don’t like his voice a whole lot. I saw one of the first shows that Foreigner ever did...I hadda review it... MARTIN: How utterly fascinating!!!

HAL: Who cares?

MARTIN: (to Jesse) What did you think? JESSE: I thought it was one of the most horrible shows I’d ever seen.

HAL: I think that song has one of the most effective uses of breathing...

MARTIN: Ooooooh.

HAL: Ahhhh.

JESSE: Better breathing than singing... MARTIN: I thought it was real cool in the beginning—they have a cymbal or something that pans from left to right, and if you wore headphones it would sound really cool. (laughter)

(Next song plays)

HAL: Well, I’ll tell you of all the groups and artists qualified to write about love. Foreigner’s probably the least well qualified. They're really poor writers...lyrically speaking, they’re very poor.

JESSE: I can't really comment on the quality of their lyrics, ’cause I don’t pay that much attention, but that song was not very good. I mean, Lionel Richie could play that song. MARTIN: OK, well I’m gonna have to beg to differ with you guys. Because I liked that one. JESSE: Did you really?

MARTIN: Yeah. I like that formulized kind of slush. It sounded good. I liked it, OK?

(“I Want To Know What Love Is" plays) MARTIN: Any comments?

JESSE: I thought it was boring, myself. MARTIN: (to Hal) What about you?

HAL: Uhh.J’ve got nothing to say. I think we should end this review, ’cause they’re like a cipher. They’re not there.

JESSE: Well, ya know, after that good beginning...

HAL: You mean those heavy chords? JESSE: Yeah! I mean, what we’ve got here... MARTIN: I don’t hear much heavy metal... JESSE: No...

HAL: It doesn’t really sound too metal—not only that, it doesn’t sound like much of anything. MARTIN: I think we’re forgetting...

HAL: I hate Foreigner to tell you the truth! JESSE: I saw one of the first shows they ever did...

HAL: I don’t care!

MARTIN: How utterly fascinating! They were cool once, cause they had a guy from King Crimson.

JESSE: That’s when I saw them; they were horrible.

MARTIN: Well, at least they were cool ’cause they had that guy.

HAL: More importantly, how come they’re so rich? I mean, we obviously don’t like this record...

JESSE: I think, more importantly, is why are they so fat?

MARTIN: Because they’re rich! There’s one other vital point...let's face facts, we live in Detroit, the three of us, and right now we’re living in an oppressed economy. Why? Because of cars from Japan. Basically we've been brought up to hate foreigners, anybody that comes in from out of this country. I think solely on that level—because we’re from Detroit—we should hate Foreigner.

JESSE: You know what makes me mad about Foreigner? They're so unoriginal that the guy had to take his name from a guitarist in the Clash.

HAL: You mean Jones?

JESSE: Yeah.

HAL: Yeah. I guess that speaks against them, 'cause the Clash are equally bad.

JESSE: Well, no, Mick Jones’s band is supposed to be good.

HAL: Have you heard them?

JESSE: No, I haven’t heard them...just from...uh, the reviews I've read.

MARTIN: You believe everything you read, as usual. I HATE YOU!!!!!!!

Jesse Grace, Martin Dio and Hal Jordan

LOUDNESS Thunder In The East

(Atco)

Here it is, folks, Japan’s final revenge on the States, Tora, tora, tora. Yes, we've certainly tried to be kind to the Japanese since we Abombed their country and declared victory, both moral and physical, in 1945. First we gave them Western Civilization, the joy of all things material and concrete. We’ve handed them import quotas and McDonalds, technology and, best of all, rock ’n’ roll, which they seem to devour in any form sent it.

Not that they haven’t returned the favors. Thanks to the Japanese, we have cars that ride better than ours, TVs with better pictures than the ones we make here, stereos that sound better than what we have...the list goes on.

But just when we thought they were truly allies, they send Loudness, the first Japanese heavy to land a contract with a major U.S. label. Let's be kind and say we’d rather have the cars. Or the sushi, for that matter.

Loudness is like all those Japanese monster movies, where the creature is either: a) raised from some prehistoric slumber by an underwater explosion; or b) is increased in size by chemicals or some other influence dumped into its hiding place.

In the case of this Tokyo quartet, the explosion was the rejuvenated metal appeal, which obviously has record companies digging under any rock to find new talent. And Loudness offers the ultimate gimmick; face it, metal bands from Germany or Finland look like metal bands from America and England, but these guys— they look different.

Phase two in the awakening of Loudness has been the cumulative effect of every metal band that’s ever toured the Far East. And it seems that every one of them has made an imprint on Thunder In The East. Loudness sounds more like Scorpions with each successive track. Of the other influences, guitarist Akira Takasaki cops lines from Deep Purple's “Burn” for his solo on “Get Away,” “Clockwork Toy” and “The Lines Are Down” are played at Ronnie James Dio speed, Golden Earring’s “Twilight Zone” is reincarnated for “No Way Out” and Led Zeppelin lives yet again on a screamer called “Never Change Your Mind.”

Takasaki is actually a credible, if derivative, guitarist, and bassist Masayoshi Yamashita and drummer Munetaka Higuchi handle the big beat as well as any other rhythm section. It’s singer Minoru Nihara who’s the godzilla of this group; his English pronunciation is so labored—you don’t want him singing about “lock ’n’ loll,” after all—that it sticks out and actually muddles down even the fastest rockers on this record.

But even if that problem was fixed, there’s no indication that Loudness can be any more than a sum of its influences. That’s what we get for dropping every bombastic band we have over there for so long. Watch out for further fallout.

Gary Graff

AUTOGRAPH Sign In Please

(RCA)

MARTIN: OK, so what are we reviewing now? HAL: Autograph?

MARTIN: OK, Autograph.

HAL: Sign In Please. That’s the name of the album.

JESSE: What a clever title.

HAL: It’s really a stupid title, because it’s geared to their listeners, who are equally stupid.

JESSE: I was being sarcastic.

MARTIN: I wanna just make a point, that I saw Autograph open for Van Halen once, and you know what I remember the most?

HAL: No.

MARTIN: Nothing. They were totally anonymous.

JESSE: Well, then we all saw Autograph open for Van Halen. Was that the last time they were in town?

MARTIN: I don’t remember; maybe. On the back it dedicates itself to “THE MIGHTY VAN HALEN”on the very bottom and...

JESSE: I don’t like this name-dropping shit. HAL: It does say “THE MIGHTY VAN HALEN”—they thank your usual 180 people on the bottom, and it’s all capital letters—“THE MIGHTY VAN HALEN.”

JESSE: Wait a minute, did they even thank God?

HAL: No.

MARTIN: No.

JESSE: Not as mighty as Prince, then. MARTIN: Think about it, maybe there’s, like, another Van Halen brother who’s, like really strong, (laughter)

HAL: The mighty Van Halen.

JESSE: Like He-Man Van Halen. (laughter) MARTIN: Let’s get down to business...let’s decide exactly why this record’s useless. JESSE: Well, we already listened to that one song. That’s supposed to be a big hit, right? HAL: “Turn Up The Radio” is supposed to be a hit and...uh...

JESSE: “Nineteen and...”

HAL: No, not “Nineteen and...”

MARTIN: “Non-stop.”

JESSE: Wasn’t that a hit?

HAL: No, “My Girlfriend’s Boyfriend Isn’t Me” is supposed to be a hit.

JESSE: Well, then why didn’t we listen to that one instead of “Ninteen And Non-Stop”? MARTIN: Because I thought the title was so good—it reminded me of my high school days. HAL: What do you think this band’s trying to prove? I mean, they’re obviously going for little kids, right? Because no one mature—or even semi-mature would bother to pick this thing up.

MARTIN: I think that maybe the Space Court has arrived, "and the Space Court has dictated that everybody must put out a good record— and if they do put out the good record, then they’ll be allowed to live. So I think what they’re trying to prove is that they should live with this record. And they failed miserably.

HAL: Well, not only did they fail miserably but they—where are they from, Los Angeles?... MARTIN: Probably.

HAL: OK. So they’re from Los Angeles and they're called Autograph, which is a really stupid name, right?

MARTIN: Yes.

HAL: Right. In fact the cover looks like the new Dokken album, kind of.

JESSE: Yeah, it does.

MARTIN: Completely anonymous.

HAL: It’s a stupid cover—with a typically stupid logo or symbol. Why do all these bands have to do this? If Autograph is reading this, I really wish they’d send me—Hal Jordan—or one of my pals, you know, Marty Dio or Jesse Grace...

MARTIN: My name is Martin.

HAL: Can’t I call you Marty now, since we constitute a triumvirate of heavy metal wisdom? MARTIN: Well, speak for yourself.

HAL: All right. Well, we constitute a duo of heavy metal wisdom, Jess, and (points at LP cover) look at that dumb symbol—Autograph. If they could just tell us why they have to put these dumb symbols on their covers. And it’s on the back, too.

MARTIN: Oh...

JESS: I like this guy the best, in the right hand corner.

MARTIN: I think it’s more a case of the band being so ugly, they don’t put themselves on the cover.

JESSE: Well, they put themselves on the back...

HAL: We should address this to Autograph: Look, you guys can’t write songs, you’ve proven it with this album. You look really geeky, and you’ve proven that too. So what the heck are you doing in this business?

MARTIN: Well, I guess this about wraps it up—except I’d like to just add that I think the idea of a song called “Nineteen And NonStop” is really good, it’s really funny, you know? (laughter)

JESSE: Well, they started out one song laughing, “ha-ha, we gotta story to tell ya, ha ha,” and we all slapped our knees.

MARTIN: Though, I’ve got the sneaking suspicion that it might not be what I think—which is, like, lots of times, they play in bars and they play so many songs that are so horrible that by the 19th they start bragging about it. "That’s right, we’re playing song #19, and we’re not gonna stop. And as terrible as it is, the doors are locked and then the gas is gonna come through the vents, and you’re all gonna die!" (laughs) ’Course, maybe its about a girl or something...but they couldn’t be that stupid. HAL: Well, no, I’d give them the benefit of the doubt—they might very well be.

JESSE: Hal mentioned something earlier about the “Mule Song”—and I think we should talk about the “Mule Song,” just because it’s there.

HAL: You think Autograph could do the “Mule Song” and do it well?

JESSE: I don’t think anybody could do the “Mule Song" and do it real well.

MARTIN: I don’t think you guys are anticipating the fact that most of our audience won’t realize what a heavy metal classic the “Mule Song” is. JESSE: And exactly who did it!

MARTIN: Don’t they know that it was Champion Jack Dupree?

HAL: But isn’t it kind of like a public service to mention the "Mule Song”? Like we mentioned Belfegore last month?

JESSE: And I think we should continue to mention Belfegore.

MARTIN: I wouldn’t compare Belfegore to the "Mule Song”—because Belfegore’s entire album is great, and as far as the “Mule Song” goes, it’s just like one classic track.

JESSE: I'll bet you Belfegore could do a helluva job with the “Mule Song,” though. HAL: Yep.

JESSE: Yeah. "I sure hope it rains tomorrow!" MARTIN: (Makes mule sound) Come to think of it, it’s really silly to talk about such great things as the “Mule Song” and Belfegore in the same mention as Autograph. There’s no point. Let’s not bother writing about that at all. HAL: In fact, do you think we should even bother to review this album? I mean, should we even print it, even though we’ve already reviewed it?

MARTIN: Let's do it—because, like, we’re taking up a lot of valuable space in the magazine, and I think it’s probably a public service to our readers who want to read about Autograph. If they like Autograph, tell it like it is about Autograph as a service to them.

JESSE: O.K. I think what we should make everyone aware of is that this album is so bad and so terrible that I betcha sooner or later Autograph will be on the cover of CREEM! (laughter)

MARTIN: Them’s fightin' words, partner. HAL: Look at these guys. I mean, what do you think their I.Q. is?

MARTIN: Let’s take guesses.

HAL: I would actually guess in the 90s. That would be my guess.

MARTIN: Well, let’s face it. The average I.Q. is 100, and there’s five of them, and let’s say they re all stupid...if they’re all normal, their total I.Q. would be 500. And if we said that they have a total I.Q. of about 500, that would be too nice. So I think it's safe to say that they have a probable I.Q. of 10.

HAL: Collectively.

MARTIN: Of course.

HAL: I wonder how they got an opening for Van Halen—because you know, they’re absolutely terrible. And Van Halen’s pretty good. You think Van Halen just wanted a really terrible band to contrast themselves with?

MARTIN: No, I would never think that guys as great as Van Halen would want to do something like that.

HAL: Well, no wonder they thanked the “THE MIGHTY VAN HALEN!"

MARTIN: Wait a minute, I suddenly figured it out...look at the logo of Autograph...

JESSE: It’s the letter A.

MARTIN: Now flip it over.

HAL: That’s the letter V!

MARTIN: Need we say more? (laughter) HAL: I don’t know, I just wish there was something we could say. I get the feeling that we don’t like this band at all.

JESSE: But we listened to them. We did listen to ’em. And we've seen them live!

HAL: I guess we did, but we can’t remember. JESSE: I remember. You see, I didn’t like Van Halen that night, but...

MARTIN: WHAT???

JESSE: Van Halen looked like God next to this band.

MARTIN: They’d look like God next to anybody!

HAL: You know, I don't want to seem like we have a grudge against these guys, but we should be a little more... I mean we can't print that Autograph should be killed, can we? MARTIN: Let’s just take a chance and say yes.

I think they should be summarily executed! JESSE: I think you guys are going overboard. You’re being super-fascist. You shouldn’t kill ’em!

MARTIN: Let's maim them.

HAL: Can we put them on an island with lepers?

MARTIN: No! Best of all, we'll lock them in a recording studio and make them listen to their record over and over and over again, until they whimper!

HAL: That would be hideous torture! I wonder what they personally thought when they finished this piece of junk.

JESSE: We could nail their arm to a tree and set the tree on fire!

HAL: You think if you talked to them they would actually like this? And defend their record, and say how cool they are?

MARTIN: They’d laugh and have a beer and they'd say “you know something, we put this out to rip off the kids, we could care less! In five years we’re gonna take all the money and buy real estate somewhere!”

HAL: I suspect you’re close to the truth. MARTIN: Naw. That could happen, but not in the world of rock ’n’ roll.

HAL: (looks at the cover) I guess I’d have to say that Steve Plunket, he's the neatest looking guy.

MARTIN: Well listen, we’re rambling. So we’re gonna have to wrap this up. Let’s have a few final words about Autograph.

JESSE: OK, why don’t we go up to the top of the parking ramp over there and shoot people in Birmingham? (laughter)

MARTIN: Do you have any final words?

HAL: No. I guess I’d like to say we can’t take the chance to say that they should—they shouldn't be killed, but they should like kinda die of a mysterious disease. Something that like kills you within a month. And then they’d die and the world would be a better place for all of us!

JESSE: I recently wished that someone would die. I know that’s an evil thought but... MARTIN: How utterly fascinating! I would like for their record to be #1 on the charts in December of 1985. However, I would like the world to end in November of the same year.

Martin Dio, Hal Jordan and Jesse Grace

ROUGH CUTT

(Warner Bros.)

Rough Cutt’s story is so typically L.A. it’s becoming a cliche. Like Ratt, Motley Crue and the rest of that community, these are young musicians alienated by the fashion-oriented, techno-pop turn rock ’n’ roll took during the early '80s. They found solace together in spandex and high volume. Very high volume— and slugged it out in the club circuit for a while, before being discovered by a major star who's the ticket to opening spots on arena-level shows.

Even before it was signed, in other words, the group was hot. Its signing by a major label was touted as important, the record comes out and everyone wonders what the fuss is.

So it is with Rough Cutt. The quintet grew out of an early version of Ratt (which featured guitarist Chris Hager) and was put together by vocalist Paul Shortino and drummer-singer David Alford. They had the good fortune to hook up with Ronnie James Dio’s wife, Wendy, who signed them to her Niji Productions and convinced her metal-singing husband to produce two tracks for L.A. compilation albums.

The connection also helped the group land opening act slots for Dio, Night Ranger, Motorhead and Ozzy Osbourne, the latter of which stole original guitarist Jake E. Lee.

So Rough Cutt was a creditable signing for Warner Bros., which hasn’t made much of a dent in the L.A. metal scene. But the cover of this debut album—a dagger tearing through a heart that, for some reason, is stuck in a spider web and about to be pierced by the multi-legged creature that dwells there— indicates a much heavier band than you’ll find on the vinyl.

The most original thing this band does is take the Janis Joplin gem, “Piece Of My Heart,” and lay it over the melody of “Crimson & Clover” (the Joan Jett version, of course). Unless you want to count an electric guitar recital of Edvard Grieg’s “In The Hall Of The Mountain King” during “Take Her”; but Ritchie Blackmore, after all, has been playing Beethoven Symphonies during Deep Purple and Rainbow concerts for the past 13 years.

The other nine cuts are prototypical metal, a mixture of the fast ’n’ furious (“Cutt Your Head Out”), the anthemic (“Kids Will Bock”) and the piledriving (“Take Her,” “Black Widow”). At least two cuts—“Dreamin’ Again” and “You Keep Breaking My Heart”—are slow-start-building-into-rocking chorus numbers ala Def Leppard. “She’s Too Hott” would not be out of place on a Foreigner record, and “Never Gonna Die” merely puts a studded wristband on the Journey sound.

It’s not all bad; Shortino is a better than average shouter, and his harmonies with Alford indicate that Rough Cutt has a definite future in this pop-metal direction. In fact, any change from this hodgepodge debut would be welcome, so long as it’s more original than the group’s origin.

Gary Graff