MAIL

MAIL

Send all your hot ’n’ heavy love letters, vicious hate mail, warped comments, and tamper-proof food products to:

MAIL Dept., CREEM Magazine P.O. Box P-1064 Birmingham, Ml 48012

SO CROAK US!

I was quite disappointed with the way you printed a small part of my interview dated: CREEM, March ’85, Vol. 16, No. 10 out of context with the rest; in a boxed headline—and omitted certain words, making it seem like a total put-down on Motley Crue and Ratt.

I said what I said in context with these bands writing songs for the kids and making themselves easily accessible... which is both a fact and a compliment.

Their success speaks for itself!

Bobby Blotzer of Ratt is an old friend of mine and I would appreciate your setting the record straight.

Best Wishes,

Marc Storace of Krokus

Memphis, TN

(You know, you even write like Bon Scott.—Ed.)

SOME WEE PAT CHAT

I am a Pat Benatar fan and I really liked the interview but one part made me mad. Pat talks about living in the Valley. She says, “It’s too hot and there are too many damned kids everywhere, teenagers on every corner and in every store.” I think this statement was a low blow on Pat’s behalf. She put down her fans.

I respect the fact that she wants to live a private life and I realize people bother her, but she should have thought before she talked. The “damned” kids don’t make Pat sing well but we’re the ones who helped to contribute to her rise to the top.

John, what is all the “wee Pat” crap? Above one of the pictures the caption reads, “Oh no, Binky’s in the audience and Pat sees him! This concert be in trouble!!” What is the meaning of this line?

H.A

North Arlington, NJ

(It means that God has singled out you, personally, for an extraordinarily important mission on Earth.—Ed.)

NOTHING IS BETTER FOR THEE THAN WE

I hath but three lines, yet I must yoo-hoo!

Desperate Drama Student

Richland, WA

P.S. I am not a Quaker with an ax to grind...

I am a Puritan with a lithp! He’p! Hee’p!! The crucible is cracked! Film at 11! (You get 40 of these weird ones every week, don’t you?) (Aye, lassie, and sure we be lovin’ it.—Ed.)

FUTURE RESUMES, INC:

I’m in my college business class right now (yes, even intelligent life-forms read your vile rag) and I thought I’d send you a list of some of my warped comments:

1) Who the hell is Binky?

2) There is no such thing as a “Rainbow” Care Bear—I should know, I work in a toy store.

3) You guys are supposed to be a rock mag, so stop printing pictures of Michael Jackson and Boy George in your ROCK-SHOTS.

4) I think David Lee Roth is God and I want to do perverted, nasty, sick, twisted and delicious things to his body.

5) I’d like to do the same thing to Nikki Sixx, but my friend Ronnie says his weenie is probably all shriveled up from Jack Daniels.

6) Am I qualified to join the Yoohoovius Brigade?

Chaz, BCC Campus

Hollywood, FL

(You are qualified to actually rule the Yoohoovius Brigade for the remainder of your unfortunate life.—Ed.)

STRETCHING A POINT!

Could you please give me some personal information on John Cougar Mellencamp? I’m writing a book.

Thank You,

L.V. Taylor

Crescent City, CA

(We can’t help you there, but did you know the Elongated Man was really Ralph Dibney?—Ed.)

DARN THAT THOMAS JEFFERSON, ANYWAY!

Our 13-year-old son recently came home with the March 1985 issue of CREEM CLOSEUP... METAL ROCK ’N’ ROLL. My husband and I happened to be idly thumbing through it and we were severely shocked and revolted! The pornographic tone of your magazine makes Playboy look like child’s play! (And you have to be 18 to purchase Playboy!)

I find it hard to believe that responsible adults would knowingly publish such trash for junior children to purchase! Would you like your own children reading such material? Would you like them to emulate those social misfits represented in your magazine?

If there was any way for me to close you down, I would, but you seem to be protected by the Bill of Rights.

Mrs. C. Van Derwill

Bay City, Ml

(Not to mention our private nuclear arsenal. -Ed.)

WINKIN’ RINK, PART ONE

Who the hell is “Binky”???!

Suzi,

Maumee, OH (What?!!—Ed.)

CONFUSED JAMES DROWN FAN!

Please help me! I need Jimmy Marinos bad! I just learned from the Romantics fan club that Jimmy Marinos (the drummer) is leaving the group for other musical directions. Well, I was pissed when I heard this info! I didn’t know where the hell Jimmy would go or do. It’s hard to express my feelings for him. I lust for his body!

The reason I’m writing is to tell you thanks for the little info about Jimmy Marinos in “Rock ’n’ Roll News.” It said that Jimmy is splitting and that “you” understand that he is going to be in a power trio or somesuch. So could you please do a favor for me? Please! If you hear anything more on what Jimmy is doing (the new group) or any other information on what Jimmy is up to, please write it in “Rock ’n’ Roll News” or something to that effect! I still love the Romantics! Since I love the Romantics I also want to love Jimmy’s group that he is going to be in! Please, if you hear anything on Jimmy write it in the “News” or something! Please help me find out what that sex machine is up to!

Liz Hume

St. Louis, MO

(At last word, Jimmy’s hair was thinking about joining a new head.—Ed.)

HEP ZEP MUSINGS

The CREEM interview with Jimmy Page prompted these reflections. Led Zeppelin has never been a popular band among rock critics, and perhaps this is understandable. But they deserve much more respect than they have gotten. Critics have dismissed Zeppelin as a dinosaur, a band that, unlike the “idealistic” Who and Rolling Stones, was only in it for the money.

Think about it. When John Bonham died, Led Zeppelin was still the most popular rock band in America. They were past their peak in terms of both popularity and creativity, of course (1972-1974 marked their peak period in both areas), but were still well able to sell out football stadiums anywhere in the U.S.A., and could have commanded Michael Jacksonish ticket prices, had they so desired. The Who did. The Stones have. Led Zeppelin never did.

How did Led Zeppelin’s remaining members deal with the death of John Bonham? They immediately broke up. The announcement was sloppily put together, but the message was clear. Led Zeppelin would not and could not continue without the irreplaceable Bonzo. Now, let’s face it: if they’d decided to replace him, every rock drummer from Cozy Powell to Topper Headon to Gina Schock to Gene Krupa would have lined up outside Jimmy Page’s door to audition. Tell the truth! Did any of you really believe that Zeppelin was gone for good? Bull! We all figured that in a matter of months, they’d have a new drummer and would be back on tour. As it turned out, Page, Plant & Jones had far more class than even their greatest admirers would have imagined.

Look at how other, supposedly more idealisitic groups, dealt wtih the death of a prominent member. The Rolling Stones replaced Brian Jones before rigor mortis had set in. Pete Townshend had hired Kenney Jones before Keith Moon was cold. The Doors tried to carry on without Jim Morrison. AC/DC replaced Bon Scott. The Allman Brothers Band went on without Duane.

Led Zeppelin could have picked up any drummer on Earth, and they could have continued to rake in the bucks (after all, the moronic metalheads of this world wouldn’t have known the difference). Or, if they had to break up, the individual members could have set up new three-chord metal bands, or go on tour immediately, playing “Stairway To Heaven” or “Whole Lotta Love.” Surprise! They waited until they had enough new material to gone on tour with. None of Page’s material sounds like Led Zeppelin. None of Robert Plant’s does. Much of it isn’t very good, but so what? They’re taking chances. Not like most rockers, supposedly more progressive, like Jack Bruce—supposedly a jazzer now, he still feels he has to hedge his bets and play Cream songs. Or Robert Fripp — despite his current fascination with electronics and African rhythms, he feels compelled to play “Red” and “Larks’ Tongues Part II” to keep older fans happy. Lou Reed is afraid to drop Velvet Underground songs from his repertoire. Ian Hunter still plays Mott The Hoople songs. And don? try to excuse them with “it’s only because the fans want to hear the old songs.” That’s irrelevant. If Reed, Fripp, Bruce and Hunter were as bold or daring as they like to pretend, they wouldn’t care what the fans want. Jimmy Page and Robert Plant have taken chances. So far, it’s paid off. As I said, they were a class act. Not like their “betters.”

Mark Murphy Forest Hills, NY

(Nice of you to mention the Beatles, Mark.—Ed.)

THINKIN’ BINK, PART TWO

While reading your wonderful March ’85 issue I noticed that several times you mentioned someone known as Binky. Such as: you have the great Lita Ford asking us if we have seen Binky. And Pat Benatar sees someone in the audience of her concert. Could you please inform me as to who Binky is?

Tonya Buckner Mableton, GA (Hal—Ed.)

YIP! MEAN MAN!

I’m sure you won’t care for my letter too much, but I don’t really care. I can’t stand your magazine and never could. You promote nothing but teenage trash-digging rock groups like Kiss, Krokus, Motley Crue, and a number of other drug-pushing, long-haired scum groups. What I especially can’t stand are the ridiculous sub-titles that you put with the pictures of scums from various groups with long hair and faces full of women’s make-up. It’s corrupting young people’s minds.

Last thing I want to say is that your 1984 Readers Poll results were the most ludicrous things I ever read. Your magazine is sold where I work and I glance through it, I would never buy it. It said the worst albums were 1984 and Thriller. Thriller alone probably made more money than any of those other long hair albums put together. Then the results of the Biggest Disappointments of the Year, including the Jackson’s Tour and the re-election of Reagan really made me sick. It figures that readers of your magazine wouldn’t like Reagan. The long hairs won’t be able to sit back and receive welfare anymore. They may even have to quit buying your magazine and smoking dope. If you guys don’t like this country then get the hell out!

Disgustedly,

Gene Picciano Torrance, CA

P.S.: I hope you guys don’t consider yourselves journalists.

(Actually, we consider ourselves chemists, and eagerly await the results of our latest massive dioxin release in an unnamed Calfornia town.—Ed.)

EVEN OUR MISTAKES ARE COOL!

I’m writing to tell you that in your March issue you have a picture of Ratt’s Bobby Blotzer and have him named as Warren DeMartini.

Get it straight,

Devoted Ratt Fan Jissup, PA (Heee.—Ed.)