KISS & TELL

KISS & TELL

Jaan Uhelszki

Eat and Run: You could say that at least half of the population made Madonna feel right at home in Los Angeles—it was, how-you-say, raining men for the Virginal One. Now, you have to remember this is a woman who changes her men as often as other women change their minds. It all seemed to begin the day Madonna checked into Los Angeles’ toniest new hotel, Le Mondrain, as just plain Louise Ciccone. Anyone would suppose that Ms. Ciccone would have just bunked in with her long term beau, mix master John “Jelly Bean” Benitez, who was staying at the very same digs. But, nooo, Madonna Louise got her very own suite of rooms, and we are not talking connecting door here. It’s Greek to me, since the couple were spotted looking very friendly over a late supper in one of Manhattan’s best beaneries, but apparently not friendly enough to prevent Madonna from meeting Sean “The Falcon And The Snowman” Penn in a deserted parking lot across the street from the hotel. And any evening that begins so suspiciously can only get better—so you won’t be surprised at the elegant cocktail hour they spent in the parking lot of a 7-11 on Sunset Blvd, nibling delicately on hors d’oeuvres culled from the very shelves of the aforementioned establishment—such elegant fare as individually wrapped King Dons and orange Tastey Cakes, washed down by sips from a cold can of Budweiser— all consumed in the relative privacy of Sean’s orange Honda Civic. Ah, the New Hollywood. Perhaps this is why the Material Girl decided to rough it the next night and accepted an engagement with General Hospital’s resident throb, Jack “Frisco Jones" Wagner (that is, after she recovered from the previous night’s sugar shock) to accompany him for dining a deux at Beverly Hills’ Romeo and Juliet restaurant. Have you noticed how much this girl eats? Let’s change that to It’s Raining Food—maybe that’s why it was so important that Madonna not miss her daily aerobic and weight classes at the Sports Connection Health Club. And just in case that didn’t burn off enough calories, she walked to and from her classes—a neat two mile round trip. During one of these strolls, a persistent papparazzi hounded our girl—dogging her steps in his car. Oh, sure, of course she told him to beat it, so who can blame her for spitting smack dab on his windshield and letting loose with some very exact directions for what he could do to himself. One wonders what she did to Jelly Bean when she told him to get lost. Whatever it was, Laurie Rodkln found him— and when last spotted in his rented black Corvette, he and the brunette beauty seemed to be feeling no pain...Maybe it was the same guy who recently stole Ted Nugent’s customized Ford Bronco. Now that’s one hombre I wouldn’t want to be on the wrong side of—even his guitar playing is customized to kill...This adoration is killing our stars, not to mention a box full of white mice that some zealot threw on stage at a recent U2 concert in New York. Some of the mice died instantly of heart attacks and the others scampered into the shadows of the stage to later appear as soundmen...The Cat and the Hat Doesn’t Come Back: I know that I have to brace you for this astounding revelation, so are all of you sitting down? Good. Well, Alannah Currie of the Thompson Twins has grown back her eyebrows. Daily vasoline rubs did the trick. And if this wasn’t news enough, she gave up the hat. According to Currie, “The hat has gone, alas and alack. Why? I don’t know. You fall in love with that hat, you fall out of love with that hat. Things just aren’t the same between us." Now maybe there’s a chance for Alannah and Tom Bailey, with that damn hat out of the way...Learning To Write: Chrissie Hynde has decided she wants the real story of the Pretenders made public. Chrissie, an ex-journalist, is currently interviewing writers to help her out with the project, which she hopes will be completed by the end of the year...I wonder how big of a chapter Ray Davies will get? He’s engaged in some steamy scenes of his own these days with a pretty ballerina named Alana Pellay, whom he met when she approached him to choreograph a routine for her to the Kinks’ “Lola.” After that it was strictly a pas de deux— which has moved to these shores, where the twosome barely saw anyone except the waiters from room service. The only rain on Davies’ parade is his ex-wife, Yvonne Gunner, who is suing the otherwise wellrespected man for $5 million. Yvonne claimed in papers filed in Manhattan Supreme Court that “although he has continually assured me he would provide for me financially since our 1981 divorce, he hasn’t.” Ray disputes this: “I’ve paid the defendant thousands of dollars since the settlement,” he says, "and helped her photography career by getting her into rock concerts.” Lucky for Davies, Chrissie can get herself into rock concerts herself—but he better watch himself with Alana...Purple Rain: I don’t want to say this is from the horse’s mouth, but Pete Escovedo has held the feed bag long enough to know what he’s talking about. Pete’s daughter is none other than the fetching Sheila E. current handmaiden to his majesty, Prince Rogers, so when Dad told Sheila’s hometown newspaper the Oakland Tribune, that “We might, in the future, be going to a purple wedding,” some people tend to take that seriously. But not Vanity. She declared to your roving Kiss ’n’ Tell that, “I still love him. I think we are a match made in heaven, but not right now. The timing is off.” Now, my timing is impeccable, so if you have to Kiss ’n’ Tell, or even, as in the case of Pat Benatar, feel you have to name your daughter after my daughter, Hayley, Kiss ’n’ Tell me...