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Send all your hot ’n’ heavy love letters, vicious hate mail, warped comments, and tamper-proof food products to:

MAIL Dept., CREEM Magazine P.O. Box P-1064 Birmingham, Ml 48012

AW, MOM...NOT IN FRONT OF THE GUYS!

Each month, a usual procedure of mine is to pick up at the local supermarket an issue of CREEM, along with Circus, Parade, etc. (If Ratt is in that month’s issue.)

I am a 46-year-old woman in the marvelous field of medicine, fairly intellectual, raised four God-fearing children who were never in jail, into drugs or created the types of problems many unfortunate parents must confront.

Your article and pictures on Ratt vs. Motley Crue is the fabricated expose to end all exposes. Where in the world do you dig up your information? Your portrayal of the group as a band of degenerates is grossly inaccurate.

I’ll bet you’re wondering why on earth I would be writing you a lengthy letter. Well, I happen to be the mother of one of the boys in the group Ratt! Where did you learn journalism—on the back of a match book cover? I am being overly generous with the above comment. I don’t think you realize the hard work, sweat and everything else that goes with making a name in the music business. If it were not for such groups as Motley Crue, Quiet Riot, etc., jerks like you wouldn’t have a job. Why not try to be truly original and find out some facts about these young men? Are you such an illustrious critic that you can write such trash?

I personally know that none of the boys are homosexuals (fags to you). I quote, “The Clash will try anything to sell records.’’ The dirt you write will certainly not help sell records. As a parent, if I didn’t know better, I would not allow my children to buy records or watch videos. Ratt is rock ‘n’ roll, not into leather, chains, devil, sex or all the ugly things you wrote. The guys from Motley Crue are not the scum you depict; you are only seeing the showmanship side of the groups and not behind the scenes.

A more accurate portrayal would show the grueling hours of practice and the physical toll taken by touring for months, night after night in all sorts of locales. I would take my hat off to you if you spent half that amount of time developing your writing career.

I resent you calling me a sex deviant, among other things, in that I—along with family and friends—have been backstage at the majority of Ratt’s gigs. Perhaps you are only noticing bums like yourself. How do you ever get a backstage pass? Do you scalp or play big Publicity Press?

If you were to spend more time on research and less on fictionalized sensationalism, maybe you wouldn’t look like such a fool to the group’s fans. I suggest you start using your brain and try to absorb some true facts, not only on Ratt but on other Rock or Metal groups. At least they are earning their way in life and not on welfare, in jail or practicing yellow journalism. Don’t knock those guys. They have more intelligence than you give them credit for. DiMartini [sic] is a talented young guitarist. I wish I could say the same about you and your typewriter.

I know many young men from various groups and they do not wear eye shadow, leather and silkies off stage. Dummy, those are stage gimmicks.

So, Mr. Johnson, lighten up and really do something to earn your salary.

An irate reader and mother,

Mrs. Joanne Pearcy

San Diego, CA

(Clash’s moms will write anything to get a letter published in CREEM.—Ed.)

KIND A KRIEGER

Well, gang, you hired the gent, therefore you must be forced to suffer this letter’s vitriol. Holy moley, I shelled out $6.95 to subsidize John Mendelssohn’s (no doubt) sleezoid lifestyle and ended up with a pile of karnivorous krud kalled The Kinks Kronikles. You’d think that having suffered through Christopher Milk’s (John M.’s) 1972 LP (worth $2 in good condition at Recycle Records) and then his most recent bumblings under the heading of Eleganza in CREEM I’d’ve known better. After reading the first 122 pages, a Kinks fan may be truly in awe of how Mr. M. can spend that long saying the exact same things he said so winningly in his now-12-year-old liner notes to the LP, The Kink Kronikles.

To top off the first half of the book, our hero decides to spend the last part of his “history” setting up and knocking down the lion’s share of the Kinks’ recorded output since 1972. While vast millions of humankind are no doubt rabid over John M.’s written dislike for “Superman” and “Rock & Roll Fantasy,” I—for one—felt a tad disappointed that he couldn’t be bothered to spend a bit more time relating the Kinks’ recent history. Come on now, page after page of negative record reviews does not a history make (unless you’re writing about Bob Dylan’s recent history). What the book ultimately is about is not the Kinks, but John Mendelssohn’s childish disillusionment with the realities of getting older and being human (and therefore not machine-like in consistency year after year). In re-reading the liner notes written in 1972 about his then-hero, Ray Davies, it is ironic and sad to note that at least one of the lines prophetically describes the author in 1985: “He sits at home alone, isolated—aloof?—yearning for a world and an England that no longer exist, that perhaps never existed—”

So, as a final personal note to Mr. Mendelssohn: while my personal ’60s heroes, the Dave Clark 5, spared me any ’70s or ’80s embarrassment (and therefore still shine in all their ’60s glory), I can understand your own personal feeling of betrayal as ’60s virgin sleeze gives way to ’80s jaded sleekness...but don’t charge me $6.95 next time to share it.

George W. Krieger, D.D.S.

Elizabeth, CO

THE BINK DEMURS!

WE FOUND ELMO!!!! He does security for Duran Duran! He sold out (He’p!). Catch him in D2’s video, “Blue Silver.”

The Elmo Watchers Society

New York, NY

P.S.: Elmo say: Who the hell is Binky?!!

EITHER THAT OR BILLY SQUIER

I work at a factory that makes spices and seasonings, mostly stuff like Nacho and Barbeque flavor for potato chips. My job is to wash out the huge mixers and collect the residue in barrels. I have to scrape out the barrels, which are usually full of foul-smelling goo. The point I’m trying to make is that if that goo has a name, it surely must be Motley Crue.

Matt The Cat

Cleveland, OH

CALL THE POLL-ICE!

Oh, geez—

Ya done done it again. I must’ve missed the Readers Poll, ’cause when I looked at the results I noticed completely new (to me, anyway) categories. Best Black Singer, Best Black Group? What’s with you? Have the readers confounded you one time too many by leaving a category such as “Best R&B Single” empty rather than come right out and say they haven’t heard any R&B? When they have, but they weren’t sure what to put, so you made it easier by putting BLACK in instead.

This is so silly. It’s like going back to the old days when they called every record by minorities “race” records! Come on! I noticed Prince made Best Black Singer; so did Tina Turner. Yet they both placed in best male & female (no “which is which” jokes, now) singers amongst all dem white folk.

Why not set the record straight and say “Best WHITE male singer”? Probably ‘cause then other categories would sprout up, like Best Martian Male Singer (wait a minute, that’s Nikki Sixx) or something.

But you get the general idea. Besides, this magazine is much too good to let it go that far. I mean, you haven’t gone all metal like Circus did. At least you have the decency to print articles on bands of interest. Although I have been known to go head-banging every so often. But then, I’d rather listen to U2I

What do I know? I still buy Frank Zappa records! Anyway, I hope the next time the polls aren’t segregated, so to speak.

Diane McCashen

Santa Maria, CA

P.S.: Am I the only one who understands (or cares about) the meaning of He'pi, Yoo-Hoo, Heee and others?

(Your numbers are legion.—Ed.)

YET ANOTHER BORING LETTER

What is happening to you people? You used to have the greatest letter department in all of magazine history! They used to be so strange and so funny. They were great. Now you print NORMAL letters like all the rest! What ever happened to: "I eat Oreos and spit in your face!" Or who could forget: “Trashcans rule, especially with cheese!" And the editor! Where’s our rude editor? In the February issue he was nice! He gave the Billy Idol fan a list of the back issues Billy was ini Did you kidnap our old editor and replace him with a boring old fart? Oh, people, please bring back your strange letters! I We miss them! 11 WDM’s “little rocker”

Pasadena, CA

(You seem like a nice person and do make a valid point.—Ed.)

LAURA. “DAVY”: GROWN-UPS WITHOUT A CAUSE!

As a magazine you guys are very BOFFO, I must say. Funny, well-written articles. A little too heavy on the metal, but hell, open minds, right? Besides, after reading the ‘84 Readers Poll I realize why you have to have at least 25 pictures of Motley Crue each issue. Nikki Sixx over Lou Reed for best songwriter? Lou Reed is the god of hard drugsl Shit like Huey Lewis, Twisted Sister and Ratt were deemed better than R.E.M., U2 and the Pretenders. Don’t these people know this crap is all retread and that millions of good, original bands are busy putting out records at this very moment? And when they come to town you won’t have to lay down $13.50 to go to a huge arena with seats miles away from the stage just to get barfed on by the headbanger behind you. PARTY, MON! And another thing: Nikki Sixx, David Lee Roth, Kevin DuBrow and Dee Snider are as punk as Sandra Day O’Connor. Listen, CREEM readers— spandex doesn’t a punk make. It’s really sad that punk has become just another fad to be bought and sold on MTV. I’m just 16 and trying to rediscover its anger. How many kids my age have even heard of the Sex Pistols, Velvet Underground or even the Misfits? Not that I care, anyway. If the Ramones got played on Top 40 radio it just wouldn’t be the same. (Alienation is funl)

Enough bitching. You deserve medals for the gobs of goodies you do print, like that thrilling Church article, the Bangles profile, the Del Lords and Xmal Deutschland. God, why am I writing this? Probably because I’m all hopped up and cannot sleep. It’s 2:30 and I’ve got a Chem exam third period tomorrow. But you really don’t give a fuck, do you? Neither do I, which is why I didn’t study. Yep, I guess I’m a true CREEM reader now, boy. (He’p!)

I know you won’t print this because it’s too long, but I just thought I’d say that I still believe in you and when I grow up I want to be a rock journalist like Laura Fissinger or Davy DiMartino.

Laura Davies

Chantilly, VA

(OK, Mrs. Pearcy, but this is the last letter you get in this issue.—Ed.)

STRANDED!

I’m a reader of your most interesting magazine and I will like to be admitted I have become very taken by it. In a CREEM closet I read about a fashion bandwagon. Their names are CREEM grey V-neck sweatshirt, CREEM matching grey sweatpants, both of the above items and CREEM grey shorts. I find them very interesting. I hope I can hear more details about it.

Emeka Ogidi

Umuahia Imo State

Nigeria

AND A BINKY SHALL LEAD THEM...

I am not some uptight naive minister, I’m an ordinary college kid, 21-years-old. I was into the metal scene until three years ago when I became a Christian. I still listen to metal but Christian groups. I picked up CREEM at the college radio station where I work as a DJ because I wanted to see what it was about, being out of the scene so long. What I saw made me want to write this letter because I’ve been in both worlds and can let you know what I’ve found out.

The only important thing is to have a personal relationship with Him. When you get to know Him you won’t want to live the way you do. He lets us do what we want now because, man! does He want us to turn to Him and He’s patient but there is going to come a day when He says, “That’s enough” and He sets things up right and all of us who have refused to turn to Him will get the punishment we deserve.

TURN TO PAGE 56

CONTINUED FROM PAGE 10

Well, if you don’t want to change the way you’re living then don’t try to follow God because it won’t work, but if you do, get ready for a radical change ‘cause it’s radical! He didn’t change the way I was on the outside, like what style music I like, but He changed me on the inside: what kind of guy I am. When He was on earth, He said what comes out of your mouth shows what was inside you.

Mike Bowman

Schenectady, NY

PLEA FROM THE A&P

I’ve been a follower of your magazine for years, although I missed some issues during the 1981-82 period. Do you have to run features on the no-talent “heavy metal” groups such as MOTLEY CRUE?

Come on, just because Circus is pure heavy metal (Ya just can’t get enought of Quiet Riot) and they lost a lot of fans doesn’t mean you have to follow in their footsteps. Let’s see features on MUSICAL groups, not people who dress up with leather, studs, bandanas, etc. Why do you think they call it dope? If I see more features on these heavy metal groups I am going to stop reading your magazine in the supermarket.

Dee Avid Collector

Poughkeepsie, NY