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Send all your hot 'n' heavy love letters, vicious hate mail, warped comments, and tamper-proof food products to:

MAIL Dept., CREEM Magazine

P.O. Box P-1064

Birmingham, Ml 48012

BOY GEORGE SEZ...

Loved your “British Invasion” piece; it was so informative.

Boy George London, England

Andre Csillag

CORRECTION!

I just got an irate phone call about the “Prince Of Minneapolis” article I did for your Sept, issue. The complaint is valid, so I’d greatly appreciate it if you could run the following correction in an upcoming issue. It could help get an entire community off my back:

With regard to the article “Prince Of Minneapolis” (CREEM, Sept. ’84), writer Greg Linder tells us he was mistaken about the origin of the name “Coon Rapids” (a Minneapolis suburb). The writer sincerely apologizes to anyone he may have offended. The community’s name historically refers to raccoons and not, as was implied, to black settlers.

Greg Linder

Minneapolis, MN

P.S. My check! My check! My kingdom for a check!

SCOOPED BY PEOPLE (AGAIN!)

I’m certainly surprised you haven’t been sued for libel yet. (Join the club!—Ed.)

In your Kiss & Tell column in your October issue, you stated that Nick Rhodes and Julie Anne Friedman canceled their wedding plans for Spain. You people are thick! Do you know anything besides how to print untrue stories? Nick and Julie were married on August 18, 1984 in a London registry office, and are now on their three week honeymoon in the Greek Islands! I’ve seen the pictures and read the article in People!

Ex-CREEM Reader

Mech., NY

(Just another nutty reader fooled by Jaan Uhelszki’s wacky sense of accuracy!—Ed.)

BOWIE, AUDEN LINKED!

I agree with the article about David Bowie in the Sept, issue. Not only does he now write less meaningful songs, but Bowie isn’t as sharp as he used to be. I found that parts of Bowie’s song “Ricochet” sound very similar to poetry by W.H. Auden. For example, part of Auden’s poem “Night Mail” goes “For who can bear to feel himself forgotten,” and Bowie’s goes, “For who can bear to be forgotten.” In “Danse Macabre” by Auden, a line goes, “For the devil has broken parole,” while Bowie goes, “Sound of the devil breaking parole.” Don’t you think this is a very strange coincidence?

A Disappointed Fan

Rockville Centre, NY (Yes.-Ed.)

DUETS FROM HECK!

My name is Rich Brown. I was wondering if you would put me in your magazine. I’m a Duet From Hell, and I was wondering since it’s only Sept., and you have the October edition out that you could get a picture of Jimi Hendrix and put mine on the other side. Can you come out here ahd do an interview on me, as soon as you get my letter? Can you call and ask for Kempster 1 West, and then my name? I know this for sure because when I was in jail there was a man sitting in the bullpen who looked just like Jimi Hendrix and then when I walked in he said to everyone sitting down there he is and was saying it to me. And the man who wrote the note on the end, “If you’re one of the people who bought this magazine exclusively for the cover story, the author would like to personally apologize to either of you.”

This doesn’t really matter but Jimi Hendrix was written on the wall. This is kind of up to date just as Jimi dead. Please leave your phone number. I just asked someone how it sounded and he said like Hell, this is your best. Now you have to come and see me.

Rich Brown

Winnebago, WI

You guys are sick. Stevie Nicks is 5’0.” Could you send me an address of anybody who voted for Afrika Bambaataa? I’d like to personally kick their ass. Mr. B. would look pretty small to Stevie fans. He would die for it, I’m sure. Just imagine thousands of flowers and stuffed animals turn to knives and daggers. In the hands of an auditorium packed with loving Stevie fans. 13,000 votes against Afrika!

Anonymous

Oakland, CA

P.S. Have a good writer change this a little and put it in your mag.

(—Ed. draws a blank on these two!)

HUH?

Don’t you ever EVER put that vile, slimy, lecherous creature (a.k.a. Prince, or is it Princess?) on your cover again. Not EVER! How am I going to explain this to my two year old?

Arrogant Mother

Lost Angeles, CA

P.S. Not ever, ever, EVER! Have I made myself perfectly clear?

PRE-SLAYED?

If we kill Slade, will Quiet Riot die too?

Trisha & Denise

Nutley, NJ

(We’re not sure. Why don’t you give it a shot and let us know?—Ed.)

IMPORTANT

ANNOUNCEMENT

This letter is going to straighten out everybody about the rock business once and for all. No sense wasting time so here goes. MOTLEY CRUE does NOT blow away VAN HALEN. If you think that, you are out of your gourd. Ozzy, Iron Maiden, Motley Crue, Black Sabbath, and Ronnie James Dio are not devil worshippers. If you think that, you ought to be chopped into pieces with a dull axe. They only want you simple brains to think that they are.

The Rolling Stones ought to all be shot in the head 13 times. Well, no maybe just nine times. The Doors suck, especially Jim Morrison who, by the way, did the world a favor when he croaked. So did Janis Joplin (OH GOD—that sick pig sang like a dead OSTRICH). All them stupid jerkoff old bands (do something unprintable to large pachyderms — Ed.). Like Bowie, the Kinks, CCR—you know, Clarence’s Dirtwater Rehearsal Band. The Pretenders have a rather horrid lookin’ gal for a lead singer.

I guess that’s enough for now, but don’t pretend to forget to print this very informative and educational letter.

Mark Black

Detroit (Murder Capitol “Yea Alright”), MI

P.S. I’ll write more letters if you like and print this one.

TWO VIEW CRUE

We just wanted to say how much Motley Crue changed our lives. I mean, being a teenager ain’t3 easy. Now we don’t take bull off our elders and play a lot easier and faster with the guys (which proves to be fun!).

In fact, we are in love with Nikki Sixx (the bod) and Tommy Lee (the bulge). If you are reading this, guys—we will do ANYTHING with you ANYTIME!

Waiting Forever

Atlantic City, NJ

We are writing in reference to Laura and Kym’s letter. They probably called Vince Neil of Motley Crue a “French whore” because he does business with their mothers!

Sue & Keith

Crue Country

DEVO WRITE IN

We want to be Sharon Osbourne’s underwear. We think she’s so hot!

Rattball & Furbrain

Buchanan Dam, TX

P.S. We are not men!

GOOD MORNING, MRS. MATHEU!

Hurray! It’s about time you had not only the world’s best photographer but also a genius of journalism, Robert Matheu, report on a band as great as the Pretenders!

Lupe Contreras

Los Angeles, CA

NO COVER MEETING TODAY

Hi dummies, how ya doin’? I’m settin’ in my borin’ biology class and since it’s so borin’, I figured it’s ’bout time for me to write y’all a note to put in yer dumb magazine. I’m in tenth grade if y’all was wonderin’. The biology teacher is a fat jerk. He’s real stupid too. We’s gonna be doin’ some dumb experiment with tomatoes. How gay! Whatta klutz, the teacher just knocked a buncha paper towels on the floor and knocked his chair over pickin’ ’em up.

Still V2 an hour left of school.

Renee

Somewhere, WI

—ED. GOOFS BIG TIME!

Is it possible to get a subscription to back issues?

Crash Whiplash

Sunnyvale, CA

(Well, it depends. Do you want both of our Michael Jackson issues, both Prince issues, the Jimi Hendrix, the Smokey Robin —uh, what? Oh, you said BACK issues. Never mind!—Ed.)

THEY SAVED HITLER’S TONGUE!

Guten tag! Wie gehts? Danke, gut. Und dir? Nickt so gut. Was ist los? Ich habe schnupfen. Das ist aber schade. Auf wiedersehen.

Ruhrei

West Germany, TX

P.S. Ed. ist hasslich und dumm.

KORDOSH, BOILED PEAS LINKED!

In regard to the Berlin Love Life and Missing Persons Rhyme & Reason album reviews by J. Kordosh, I really regret that you have such insensitive jerks writing for your otherwise fine magazine. I don’t even see how you can allow such a person to write album reviews for CREEM because if this Kordosh character was any kind of professional at what he does, he would certainly know that John Crawford is the writer of Berlin’s songs, not Terri Nunn, as he implies in making his opinionated, sexist remarks about the lyrics Nunn sings. Anyone with the brains of a boiled pea would know that Berlin’s lyrics, convey strong messages of love, hate, pain, emotional compassion and relationships, things Kordosh obviously knows nothing about.

Robert Bartlett

Reseda, CA

BOY ELMO NABBED!

I think Elmo is just Larry Mondello’s mom in disguise.

June Cleaver

TV-land

(You’re closer than we’d like to admit!—Ed.)

TAKE THE IDOL CHALLENGE

OK, —Ed. I’ve got a challenge for ya! I want you to act like a shrink and tell me if I’m crazy or something.

You see, what I do is buy all kinds of rock posters and then don’t hang ’em up ’cause I’m afraid the people in the posters can see me. And God knows I ain’t gonna undress for half those rock stars (except maybe Billy Idol). I mean, take a look at that guy. He’s a babe!

Well, —Ed., what’s your diagnosis?

Liz

Crazy, Canada

(You are now a ward of the state. We’ve taken over your financial affairs, and are currently negotiating to have your country erased. —Ed.)

MIME DETECTOR

Can mimes write letters?

Bill Julian

Dearborn, MI

INTELLIGENT LIFE ON EARTH!

It was with great enthusiasm that I purchased your August issue. Seeing the title, “Androgyny In The Eighties,” on the cover was something I had long awaited because I have been interested in the topic for quite a while. However, after reading Johnson’s piece, I was terribly disappointed. I wish I could say thank you for a comprehensive, informative article on a subject which many people still cannot even pronounce, but I cannot because you traded your chances of defining a prevalent trend for the sake of some ludicrous statements and a lot of confusion.

One point which I found confusing (as perhaps, did the author) was the statement about transvestites, for the definition, does not include just someone who adopts the dress of the opposite sex, but one who also derives emotional or sexual gratification for doing so. Therefore, I think it is safe to say that “our hero,” Boy George, may or, more importantly, may not be a transvestite.

Another area with which I found fault was the inclusion of such personalities as Jim Morrison and Brian Jones, discussing their alleged homosexual encounters in this piece which was supposed to be about androgyny. What makes this even more confusing is that the article was prefaced by a statement which said that androgyny does not have anything to do with sexual preference.

Perhaps this trend described in your August CREEM is valid, but it sounds like a watered-down explanation for the need that many pop stars have for a gimmick to sell their music—or the need that many “music” critics have for giving explanations for the physical appearances of pop stars. In any case, my opinion is that CREEM threw away its chance to clarify the physical aspect of the few musical androgynes while also describing the prevailing acceptance of psychic, cosmic, and mental duality which is occurring today.

Ms. Laura Alfredo

Sarasota, FL

(Sez Rick: “What can I say. She’s right!”)