KISS & TELL

KISS & TELL

Jaan Uhelszki

Patty Cake, Patty Cake: Did you wonder why Pat Benatar finished her last video in record time? Money problems, you ask? Nope—a rigid touring schedule? Wrong again. The reason was the winsome Ms. Benatar didn’t want to “show”—if you know what I mean. (You don’t?) It looks like Patty wasn’t kidding when she began adding maternity clauses into her performance contract last year, since she and Neil Geraldo, Pat’s guitarist-cumhusband, will have another mouth to feed in early ’85. No, that doesn’t mean they’re adding another percussionist to the band—but it might mean that we should look for Benatar’s version of Learning To Crawl in late ’85. Guilt by Association: Apparently all those truly vicious rumors about Billy Idol and Judi Dozier, his sultry keyboard player, are untrue—well, at least they’re untrue when Idol’s current inamorato, Petri Lister, is around. Lister is a leggy hoofer who’s involved in video choreography—and she’s determined to keep this relationship to a close pas de deux (can you blame her?), so she has threatened to clog dance Dozier to death if she doesn’t keep her hands to her keyboards. So far Carrie has been successful at keeping her man to herself, but I’m not sure how she’ll fare with the alluring Madonna, who’s planning on doing a duet with Idol for her next album. In her words: “Maybe we’ll do a soul cover, that would be good because we’re both white, plastic and blonde.”...Mr. Hobbs Takes a Vacation: When the guy says all he wants out of life is a bathing suit, he really means it. Before Van Halen left for their European concert dates, David Lee Roth,'his steady girlfriend, and a bodyguard slipped south of the border to Club Med’s outpost in Play a Bianca, Mexico for some fun in the sun. The bathing suit in question was scarlet, the beach was white (but not plastic, although Roth is a blond) and hot. According to fellow globetrotters, Roth looked trim and tan, and was the picture of conviviality, especially after a few tequila slammers (apparently the Club’s drink of choice). After a few more, the Mouth-That-Roared was persuaded to get up on the make-shift stage and sing-along to a tape of Van Halen’s Jump. The trouble was David couldn’t remember the words—but after all those slammers who noticed? Our guy was having such a terrific time that by the fourth day he sent his bodyguard back home— and really got loose, renting a jeep and shuttling off to mingle with the locals...By now you have all seen Spinal Tap, right? Well, the Scorpions finally got around to going to see the irreverent rock-spoof, but only stayed for a total of 20 minutes—leaving in a huff. It seems the Scorps thought the flick was a little too biographical and thought they were the butt of an inside industry joke. They were? Oh, I get it.

And so did the Sour Krauts...If the Scorpions weren’t the butt, then Black Sabbath is a horse’s ass, if you’ll excuse the expression. Ever since the firing of Ian Gillan and Bev Bevan, the Sabbath have been in a quandry about what to do with the massive Stonehenge stage they used on their last U.S. tour. The set, which cost in excess of $100,000, proved to be a major problem to transport and set up, and the band is deciding whether to redesign the set or scrap it. “We don’t know exactly what to do with it,” bassist Geezer Butler explained. “It was a wonderful stage to play on, but the problems it caused more than compensated for its benefits. We have some technicians checking out ways to reduce its size, so until that’s finished, we won’t make any final decisions.” Maybe they could sell it to Spinal Tap for the sequel. Five Coins In A Fountain: Maybe it’s modesty, maybe self-doubt, maybe a puton, but Duran Duran’s Roger Taylor confessed to Kiss & Tell , that: “We’re not in theJyg league! yet. People think were a lot bigger than we ardi” John Taylor echoed the sentiment when he told us(“The image of ; the group is bigger than the group itself. The biggest trap we could ever fall into is to believe we’re as big as thjf Police. We’re popular faces, and that's nicejfbut the bank balance isn’t as big as Sting's*',..If they’re worried about the purse, they shouldn’t be blowing their dough on such expensive dinners like the One they had a few months back at Nirvana, ManhattanV tqpey lndiar® restaurant, overlooking Central Park. The Duranies and guests were thrilled with the view and special Organic Okra Curry concocted in their honor, but it wasn’t curry that gave them the indigestion—it was the $450 tab...Rock ’n’ Roll High School: David Bowie was spied in a tiny cafe in the Scottish township of Hopeman—ring any bells? How about school bells? It seems that Daddy Dave ventured into the loaming to secure a spot for his son Zowie (registered as Joey Jones) at the Gordonstoun school, which is located in the vicinity. It’s the tres exclusive school for England’s rich and royal (in fact, Prince Charles is an alumnus). You’ve come a long way, Davy...Flower Power: Just to prove how far Bowie has ventured into respectability is the fact that a horticulturist in Nebraska has gotten the “Duke’s” permission to call a hew flower Let’s Dance Iris...Dear Diary: It looks like Mick the Lip Jagger is having a little more trouble writing his autobiography than he thought. He went so far as to ask (plead) fellow Rolling Stone-age, Bill Wyman, if he could borrow Bill’s extensive journals from the “gloryyears” to beef up his book. Wyman said no-go, he was writing his own book...Prima Belladonna: Stevie Nick’s book will also have to be postponed, she’s having trouble enough finishing her third solo album*, Nicks -was about four-and-a-half months into the project with * producer Jimmy Iovine at the Kim, when the two of them I came to a—how-you-say— impasse. As you might remember Stevie and Jimmy tised to' be, to put it coyly, a hot duo (them, ieo, Then Stevie had to go and spoil it all by getting married—but since Stevie was divorced, it all was forgiven until (How, when Iovine walked out on the project. The official word was “incompatability”—but Kiss & Tell suggests you read between the lines, if you know what I mean...If you don’t, just make sure you get this right—if you have to Kiss & Tell, Kiss & Tell me!