I really wish, at this time, to openly publicize my feelings for a certain group, whom I worship with all my heart. This particular group has been my favorite for only a short—but wonderful— year and four months. I deeply regret never having previously enjoyed their music, which I now appreciate immensely.
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LIKES SOME GROUP!
I really wish, at this time, to openly publicize my feelings for a certain group, whom I worship with all my heart. This particular group has been my favorite for only a short—but wonderful— year and four months. I deeply regret never having previously enjoyed their music, which I now appreciate immensely. It wasn’t until they began to get the airplay they deserve that I noticed them.
I take everything I feel for them quite seriously, although almost everyone I know cannot accept my love for them seriously. From the beginning, when I recognized “Photograph” as my special song, I knew this group was something entirely different from any other group I had ever encountered. Since that time, I’ve been swept up in a little fantasy world, desperately trying to live a dream involving this group, only to be rudely awakened by reality. They’ve managed, unknowingly, to change my every mood; transforming my feelings of sadness to laughter with the happiness of loving them, or bringing me to tears for wanting to know them as the people they are. My heart, I’m sure, will someday be broken from missing the opportunity of meeting them, or meeting them for a brief, fleeting, golden, magical moment, soon to be over and only a memory. As of yet, I do not have even that. I can only hope.
If ever I am released from this seemingly adolescent obsession, if my desire to be with them ever diminishes, I know even then there will always be a distinctive place in my heart meant for loving them. For I truly do love these five extraordinary men—Rick Savage, Joe Elliott, Richard Allen, Phil Collen, and Steve Clark, known collectively the world over as Def Leppard, though known to me as mine.
Suleica DeMitchell
Leppard Nation
(Cute sentiments, dearie, but you are obviously BANANAS!-Ed.)
MASOCHIST CONFESSES!
Congratulations on your Van Halen Close-Up, August ’84! I loved it! Van Halen is my favorite rock group and David Lee Roth is my favorite person in the world. I think he is the most gorgeous manimal on Earth or for that matter in the universe. I have everything you could imagine of Van Halen. I am a 13-year-old girl with blond hair and I’ve been stopped everywhere I go when I wear my sunglasses and people tell me I look like David Lee Roth. I can’t believe it. Their albums are great and so are they. I’m glad you printed that mag. Thanks a lot! Van Halen deserves the attention, believe me!
Jayetta Davis
Seymour, TN
(Attention, metal-munching moppets! If you somehow missed CREEM’s all-new VAN HALEN Close-Up (August ’84) and can’t Hue with yourselves a minute longer, send $2.95 [plus $1.50 postage and handling] to us instant-coffeelike! And don’t even ASK where the handles are!—Ed.)
SUNDIAL FIGURES NOT INVITED!
You think you’re so smart? Then please settle this. I read and have been told that the Duranies are head over Patusa, crazily in love with gals who have “hourglass” body figures, especially on young chicks. And I’ve also been told that they don’t give second looks to girls who don’t have that particular body shape.
Is this mumbo jumbo hulaballoo true? Please tell me now, is there something I should know?
I beg you, please answer me, ‘cause I’m a box figure with small shoulders, small bust, and a curve on my hip only. Am I considered an hourglass maybe? My measurements are 32-23-32. Please answer all my questions and also what in hell is an hourglass?
Fuzz if you don’t tell me what I want to know.
I just might not marry them!
Christine Dawson
Quebec, Canada
P.S. We need a president badly. Trudeau left us. You interested in running?
(We can run, but we can’t hide!—Ed.)
HOLDSHIP CLEANED!
Like the tongue of a lizard (no reference to Morrison), my arm shot out. For there—besides the hirsute arm of Rob “Riding Crop or Whip, dear?” Halford, was the name of Rory Gallagher. And not just on the cover—there were really pictures and a dandy article as well. Just when I was ready to believe that all U.S. rock mags were oblivious to the bluesmeister supreme, CREEM does it again. And in the paws of Bill Holdship yet (I said I’d do your laundry because of a superb write-up on Ian Hunter, remember? Now I’ll do a whole month’s worth!) it could be no less than frothingat-the-mouth wonderful. And, Boy Howdy, do we need Rory now (that’s not a question)!
Xerox Burns
Houston, TX
P.S. This is a question—why did it take us so long to find out about Slade?
(To get to the other side?—Ed.)
BETTER DEAD THAN NEVER!
Did ya know that dead heavy metallers get reincarnated into guitars? The guitars are then bought by new wave groups like Duran Duran, Culture Club, and the Rolling Stones. The guitars help make a bad and boring concert even worse!
Duran Duran fans get reincarnated as superduper-pooper-scoopers! Michael Jackson fans get reincarnated as (Sorry, too cruel!—Ed.). Stones fans get reincarnated as (Sorry, too true!—Ed.). Culture Club fans get reincarnated as gay bar stools!
Heavy Metal Fan
The Crunge
WHAM, BAM, THANK YOU, SPAM!
Hey, like I am on a crusade! “For what?” you say. Spam, of course. Spam is good for you. It is made out of pure ham and pork shoulder! It is delicious. Eat it in soup. Eat it in a sandwich. Pour the juice into a glass and drink it. It’s especially good when mixed with J.D.! Before I go on dates, I rinse my mouth with Spam juice. Guys immediately want to kiss me to taste that wonderful Spam. Mmmm! My favorite Spam dish is Spam pizza.
Please print this. 1 think people are always searching for new pleasures and I feel it is my duty to help them find them. It’s for the welfare of the people! EAT SPAM!
Jett Rules
Yukon, OK
INTO THE COOKING SHERRIE?!
1. First of all, Sherrie, you have terrible posture. It seems that you keep one knee bent and touched by the other foot at all times. The entire top half of your body is slouched. You look like a slob.
This is an open letter to Sherrie, of Steve Perry’s “Oh, Sherrie” video:
2. C’mon girl, get a new bra! I’m not gonna say what you look like without it, even though I know CREEM would print it anyway.
3. Get a nose job!
Thanks for your time and space. Hope you see this, Sherrie!
Shani Le Bon
Woodbridge, CT
P.S. If Sherrie marries Steve, she’ll be Sherrie Perry!
PROSTITUTES INSULTED!
I think Vince Neil looks like a FRENCH WHORE!
Laura and Kym
West Columbia, SC (...and ain’t it grand?—Ed.)
SUSPICIOUS INITIALS FROM HELL!
Has anyone ever noticed that Ozzy’s song “No Bone Movies” sounds like he is singing “no bowel movements?” When he sings that particular song, he does sound a bit constipated. He should fry eating some prunes, they always work for my mother.
L.S.D.
Tamarac, FL
NOT IRANIAN EITHER!
Specimen are NOT Italian!
The Assassin & Pea-wee
Napa, CA
(CENSORED!) FOR DOLLARS!
Hey, CREEM! Back issues stackin’ up? Rock Shots and Close-Ups leftover at the newsstands? Lookin’ for a way to make a few easy bucks? I’ve got a sure way you can get your share of crisp, green bills. Do one or all of the following:
1. Get a close-up of Tommy Lee’s (CENSORED!) . For a bonus, make it nude and for even more dollars, do it a (CENSORED!).
2. Get a nice pic of Vince Neil’s (CENSORED!)
3. Do the same as in with Nikki Sixx.
4. Do the same as in #2 with Mick Mars.
5. Extra $$—Kill either Elmo or any of your staff writers.
Well, all you (CENSORED!), there it is. Get ready for a thicker wallet!
Scarlet Crue
Santa Monica, CA
P.S. I know you little sweeties would never print this steamy-with-(CENSORED!) letter!
SO SUFFER!
Hey, —Ed., you’re just a suffix!
I No My Ingles
Comp 101
Jasper, AL
GUESS WHO!?
Well, CREEM’s at it again. They just dragged the old ladder out of the garage and climbed back on their mountain top, to spout fourth more dribble and nonsense. Their little article on androgyny in the ’80s has really struck deep. I mean, this has got to be the lowest yet. How can you guys at CREEM put Duran Duran and Jim Morrison in the same category as Boy George and the rest? You said that their music was adorable, at least you have taste. But to lump them in with those other “andros” is something that sticks in my throat. Cum on, you guys at CREEM, get with it. Use your eyes also, instead of just your ears. Jim Morrison was the greatest and no one could touch Jimi Hendrix. So wake up and watch what * you listen to. You may be surprised. If not, try a pair of bifocals.
The Voice Of Justice,
Chickie Scott Bobrowich Dupont, CO
(We’re still wondering about that “lump” in your throat!—Ed.)
OVER & OUTLINE!
Book report.
Title.
Author.
Summary.
Favorite part or character and why with examples.
Opinion of book.
Why or why not did you like the book?
Rude Girl
Hicksville, NY
LAST LIVING 8-TRACK OWNER WRITES!
I once recorded “Down By The Seaside” on my 8-track headcleaner completely by accident. What do you have to say about that?
The Straw That Broke The Camel’s Back
Tacoma, WA
(Did you fall, or were you pushed?—Ed.)
INTRODUCING PAPA HOWDY!
Since each issue of CREEM comes in the mfcil the same time as I get my period each month, if I get pregnant will the CREEMs stop coming? Or, if my subscription runs out, does it mean that I’m pregnant?
Please answer quickly—this month’s issue is already late...
Wondering
Syracuse, NY
THAT MAKES ONE!
I really dug that May issue with “Sounds of the 60’s,” in which there’s unfortunately a few indefinite dates and points and a BIG mistake: THAT Gibson, the famous painted one that Eric Clapton was using circa Disraeli Gears, is not an SG Gibson, but one of the earliest prototypes, in fact, a Les Paul Custom. I believe it’s a very well known fact for every CREEM fan heavily into music of the mid-’60s. Check your past, Mr. Caraway, or ask Clapton himself if you don’t believe me!
Danny C. Vermeille
Porterville, CA
TRUTH SELF-EVIDENT!
Not that you give a shit, but enclosed is a press release about the producer of the new upcoming Triumph album.
Triumph has no plans to record a Bryan Adams song, Rik Emmett will not be doing a duet with Michael Jackson, and there are no transvestites in the group that we know of.
Sorry about the Lack of “Hollywood News” but it’s only rock ’n’ roll, ya know.
Joe Owens for Triumph
Mississauga, Ontario
Canada
(You should’ve stopped after the first sentence!— Ed.) %
