INvasion

Dear Father,

I am getting desperate. I know you're very disappointed in me, and I can hardly blame you. Was it actually 20 years ago you were telling me my plans for a career in rock music were futile? A long time ago. And remember how I didn't believe you?

I admit it—I was wrong.

I'm amazed you and mother put up with me back then, especially when I let my hair grow long. Even then I knew you were ashamed of me, but, of course. I wanted to be one of the Beatles. It could never be-we both realize that now-but at the time. I was absolutely certain the Flees could've been the biggest band of '64. Thanks again for buying amplifiers for me and my mates.

And then there were the drugs. I took too many, true-I was very impressionable and I absolutely loved the Pretty Things. Mother always loathed "L.S.D.." didn't she? She thought we were terrible in '67, and I'm sure my renaming the band Sweetums didn't help. Once again I thought we'd get the breaks the other bands got, the limousines, the trips to America, the massive volumes of money. Could we help it if we were awful?

Even then. I think, you still believed.

And then. Silence from your son. Years of silence. Mother, of course, passed on. I remain ashamed, but I felt the need to do my own thing regardless of the consequences, and that is exactly what I did. For the rest of my life I will regret that the next time you saw me was at the police station in '77, posting my bail. Ten years of silence, and here was your long-lost son-newly bedecked with safety pins, chains, a pitiful excuse for a haircut and another new band. You never liked the Pissfaces, father, and for that I cannot blame you. But had we joined the Clash on that American tour. I am still certain I would be a millionaire today.

You were ashamed of me-but not as ashamed as I was.

I took some time off, to reevaluate my career prospects. Could I make It in America? All that Yankee talk of "British Invasions"-was it real, did it have meaning, or was it Just the idle chatter of journalists seeking a hot new topic to devour?

I decided, finally, that it absolutely did not matter.

And so, father, enclosed please find a videocassette of my latest band, the Arythmics. Before you say a word-yes, that is me in front of those computers. No doubt you think my wearing make-up and a dress made of latex is silly, and actually, I quite agree. But I'm convinced this is the only way to crack the American market proper!

Tomorrow night we debut on national radio-wish me luck!

Love,

Your soon-to-be-wealthy son,