KISS & TELL

KISS & TELL

by

Jaan Uhelszki

Beck’s Bolero pas de deux: Rod Stewart may let Alana slip through his fingers, (and into Helmut “Dynasty” Berger’s) but the ever enchanting Scot has managed to lure Jeff Beck into his web. Jeff has been adding some blistering guitar work to Stewart’s next album, and admitted that he is especially pleased with a cut called “Saturation.” So pleased, in fact, that there are plans to join his .former lead singer on his summer tour, but not so pleased that he won’t admit that he’s doing it for the money, honey. The blow-byblow, if you’ll excuse the expression, is that Beck is reportedly broke: Stewart, on the other hand, must be very optimistic about the success of his latest endeavors—considering he gifted his ex with $100,000 in furs in a now apparent auf wiedersehen present—then they called it reconciliation, but that was before he plunked down $25,000 for a Porsche for his current inamorata, model Kelly Emberg...I Don’t Want To Be Your Dog: You probably know that the Annabella-less members of Bow Wow Wow have done some remodeling work and have re-emerged with the same line-up, but with a different moniker, the Chiefs Of Relief. Catchy name, if you’re an antacid tablet—and especially effective for dissolving record company obligations. Needless to say, they are label shopping. Annabella is still at the RCA ranch, at this writing, and had hoped to have Nile Rodgers produce her solo effort—that is, until she quoted RCA the $150,000 production fees he demanded for the project. No wonder Bowie paid his band so poorly—after settling up with Rodgers he had to economize some where... Lords of Discipline?: Kiss ’n’ Tell has received some very reliable dirt about a certain diminutive lead singer who has quite a thing for statuesque blondes, lace corsets, and hot wax baths, not to mention a little garden variety S&M to round out the evening—which only leads me to ask, is nothing sacred? I mean, what does this guy confess when he goes back to church?...Ear Wax: Speaking of hot wax, Boy George has finally joined the ranks of the British pop establishment signified by his induction to Madame Tussaud’s Wax Museum, where he’ll be on display next to such golden calves as David Bowie and Elton John... Kissing To Be Clever Part II: Did you hear about the great moment in music (Music?, she asks.) history when Boy George met Freddie Mercury at the San Remo festival in the South of France? Freddy sauntered over to the Boy, offering a limp hand for our guy to kiss. According to No. 1 mag out of London, George planted a wet one on Freddy’s mitt and then smirked: “Ha, ha! Now you’ve got lipstick all over your hand.” Ha, ha! Indeed. Pass the cold cream...Just When You Thought It Was Safe To Go Back To Sleep: You may have thought domestic tranquility, an infant daughter, and his scary glass gargle would tame Ozzy Osbourne, right? Well, batbiting garnered him so much bad publicity that the Oz had to channel his boyish exuberance towards other targets. Namely his road crew. When the band toured Europe this winter, Ozzy had shaved the head of one roadie while he was asleep, completely shaved one of his tour manager’s eyebrows and dyed the baggage handler’s blond hair scarlet. Haven’t they heard of Nodoz?...Clothes Encounters: Eddie Van Halen was overheard imparting this sage observation -on the state of haute fashion: “To me, heavy metal is just rock ’n’ roll. I guess the more leather and studs you wear, the more heavy metal you are. That’s why I wear funny striped clothes. Sometimes the way you see yourself is not the way others do. 1 sure as hell don’t see us as heavy metal.” If you accept that premise, how do you think INXS view themselves? You remember the inner sleeve picture of Shabooh Shoobah. This is Tim Farrias’s version—you decide: “We wore the sheet so that five years from now we won’t have to look at thatotcture andtH think, ‘God, I wish we hadn’t worn bellbottoms ’ We don’t want the music to bMM by the clothes we were wearing. This way there’s no identifiable fashion.” .The Trouble With ;* Mari: Car thieves broke into Mari mim and virtually cleaned butjj|§|g interior (the ashtrays, too?} including making off with het bassist’s guitar. What do you . mean they weie looking for Man's hair? I don’t-get!1f;i-||)iffvrent Drummer: Journey’s Steve Perry, the always rigid lead singer, started life behind the Ludwigs? He finally broke the silence on his former life. “I started out as a drummer, but singing while sitting in the middle of a drum kit puts your diaphragm in an awkward position. Something had to go and it was the drums.” Would you care to reconsider, Steveo?...Play Guitar: On the other side of the coin, Paul Stanley’s instrument has never gotten in his way. “My guitars are just an extension of my personality.” Your what?. ..Idol Gossip: Billy Idol, punk’s platinum pinup, has -created somewhat of a stir in New York City. His stage presence at the Capitol Theater became a little, how-you-say, steamy, as the set wore on—in fact, there are some who have sworn to Kiss ’n’ Tell that Idol actually had it “out”—but who could see what really was happening? My view was obscured by that girl who had her head in his crotch. A quick phone call to Billy’s “people,” however, proved quite the disappointment—seems the blond boomer had actually placed the microphone between his legs, upon which the young lady expressed her admiration. And Billy wonders why he was evicted from a swank Apple eatery, where he had to fight off theattentions of some of his af^fefmdrnirers. You’d think hav. tig to toWeit his bouillabaisse MMM^^W^K»s&crifice to Mp^fe^rayP^^fiUater that night, a girl threatened to,kill herself if he wouldn’t let her into ■MHEaMNpm.* When Idol ^ rejected lass called |P#fcops an .1 | cused Rilly af -molesting her. And ali this time yoB thought hlonds hud moie fun. You still do?...Speaking of Simon Le Boillllliy MiSllDted some tallfmat maybe llillaolhuteous one isn’t going to jj|e the knot wfthniis Canadian girlfriend, Glare Stansfield, BlPlSlnl. So, go get him girls. ^What do you mean you don’t want him?...Old Wave Wipes Out: Aerosmith is trying to beef up their line-up by negotiating with Joe Perry to come back to the fold, and Joe hasn’t said no, as of this writing...Once again, remember if you have to Kiss ’n’ Tell, Kiss ’n’ Tell me!